I strongly recommend against becoming buddy buddy with her. Her first contact with you was to try ruining your relationship. That's a HUGE HUGE boundary crossing. I'm actually quite surprised your husband is A-OK with all this. Mine would have screamed bloody murder after that first phone convo she had with me.

You can have a civil relationship without the extra garbage.

What do they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Some merit in that.

No one here can advice you because we don't know all the facts. She may have settled into a new relationship, and she may have matured and grown within herself. It is actually possible that she too wants the best for her sons and esatblishing a walking buddy relationship with you would be better than being at war. But only you can answer that. Every situation is different.

If you and she are both in happy relationships and everyone has settled down, friendships can be formed. I have seen it work and work well in my own family. Not so foe myself and my husband unfortunately. But I would rather have been in a friendly basis than at war ket me tell you.

With my family these people all attend weddings and any gatherings concerning the adult children, including christenings etc., everyone gets on and there is no tension in the air. It works and it works well. Everyone is a winner. Where there is angst and bitterness, everyone is a loser. Maybe she has gotten over her bitterness and just wants to move on. If she wanted to have personal chats about you and your husband or your finances, well that's not on at all. But it is not impossible for this to work. You are the one who needs to decide. You might just be one of the lucky ones. They do exist.

SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND... NEVER WILL BE... HAS HIDDEN AGENDA... watch your back. I would be friendly but keep it minimal... have to have contact, but would not go out of my way or be friendlier than necessary.

~Been there, done that, got burned...

Oh hell no. You've got friends right? Walk w them. Friends support you. They wish you well. Encourage you to be strong. Evdn if she was sincere in offer, anyone who does what she initially did is an evil nutjob. They don't change, at best they take their meds three days in a row. First sign of trouble and she's coming for ya!

Well I didn't have any direct issues with the BM. Plenty with the adult daughter. But I don't care if the BM was or wasn't behind that, the daughter is an adult and did what she did in her own right.

As I said before, it can work I've seen it work and work well. Very well. All concerned, exes, children extended families turned out winners. If it works its amazing. But all concerned need to be secure in their relationships, let go of the bitterness, and not hold grudges. Seems not too many people can do that.

I think if you really cannot get on, then ending the relationship and staying well away from people who hate you is preferable to living in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the next attack, or trying to build a relationship for years and years with people who clearly don't want to have one with you. If you have an opportunity to get along, I'd grab it with two hands and see how it goes. Yes, you need to be mindful that if it blows up, things could become difficult for the kids, but it won't blow up if you make boundaries and the first time she asks a question you feel a bit personal, don't answer it. You seem smart enough to ve able to do that without ticking her off. You know her, you know the dynamics, we don't. But if all 4 adults are mature, secure and not bitter, well it works brilliantly. It's very rare, but it can work.

I'd be discussing this with your husband, and if the two f you are clear, she crosses a line and walking buddy days are over, then do it if you want to, Life us far to short. She attacked like a pit bull defending her territory years ago. You know why she did it. I think you are big enough to get over it, she was just being human. From the sounds of things it hasn't been attack after attack and she hasn't taught her kids to hate you, so why not be friends.

Don't misunderstand everyone's concern.......they are all saying to watch your back for good reasons. Many learned the hard way. It's admirable for you to want to take the high road, but it can (and in our experiences WILL) burn you in the end. You will have plenty of opportunities to interact with her pleasantly at school functions, family gatherings, etc. there is no need to expose yourself in such a personal and potentially vulnerable way. Unless you walk so briskly that it is impossible to carry on a conversation!

It's one thing to forgive someone and move on. Hate takes a lot of effort.

But never forget:

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM!!!!!!

You don't have to hate a person that has shown you their ass - but you had best believe that they are more than capable of stabbing you in the back.

Don't be like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football.

DON"T DO IT!!!!!! She is after something. She just wants to get in your brain and under your skin and ultimately take your husband away. Just say no and let it go.

Where does she want to walk? Along the PCH?

I would stick with the civility but skip the walking.

In my experience i would never dead or alive be walking buddies with bm. But that is just me. Also you may want to be cautious. You said things are civil now but do you really want to risk stirring things up and maybe opening up yourself to be victimized by baby mama drama. I would be cautious in your case. It started with a fight and lies, so do you really want to open up for a possible back fire. Consider everything before you make your decision.

This is such a bad idea, and you are living in a world of sunshine and butterflies if you think it isn't. We now have minimal BM trouble, only because I STOPPED trying to make all nice-nice with her. Now past common civilities, we politely ignore one another.

If it looks like shit, smells like shit and feels like shit it is definately shit. BM has proven this fact. If she had been reasonable from day one and not pulled her previous evil crap then sure I would give it a try. However, she has proven that she is toxic and a year+ of no contact has worked well.

I would not be BM's buddy if I were you.

So, she is acting reasonable now. What happens if her relationship breaks up? Will she STILL act sane?

Presenting a united front to the skids can happen withOUT the over-familiarity. I like to be nice to people too. It took me many years of giving BM the "benefit of the doubt" before I realized that she has serious issues and will do whatever she can to make my life a living hell (and DH's as well).

But you might be different. She might be different.

I can't imagine being buddy-buddy with BM. Her MO (my BM) is to lull you into a false sense of security and then use the information she gleans to cause problems on a major scale.

One of the things I've learned in life is that it's best not to poke crazy with a stick. Just sidestep it and keep on moving.