SS14 has pretty much lived with BM for his entire life. He visits on holidays and summers due to the distance. He has always been a challenge, and if you did not physically watch him do something he was supposed to (shower, take asthma meds, brush teeth) you might as well assume it didn't happen. BM has always wanted to be a Disney mom, even with full custody. So, she would buy him off, and he would manipulate her to make it happen. His favorite things to say is "Icehockey is the best mom in the whole world" or "I'm going to go live with my dad" and she would get him whatever new piece of electronics he wanted.

SS14 lived with us for his 7th grade year (age 12-13) because of the behavior problems at school and he wanted to. It was a year of hell. Lots of acting out, me being the bane of his existance, and overall misery for everyone. He had to be watched perform all the mundane tasks to ensure they were completed. So, when he went to BM's last summer, he decided to stay, and as much as it hurt DH, he let him.

Fast Forward to now... BM sends DH a text and a vm stating that SS14 is lying, doesn't shower, doesn't take his meds, doesn't brush his teeth, doesn't wipe his butt, doesn't make his lunch, that he sneaks electronics if no one is home to watch him, hoardes food in his room and has "lost his mind". He has been grounded for 2 weeks, and now is apparently grounded until he comes out here for summer (another week or so). She has even threatened to make him get a job to pay back the $5k for the braces he just got put on since he is not taking care of them.

DH is just having a great time with this. I am too... she created the beast by buying into the manipulation and now she's paying the price. I'm sure it doesn't help that all this is going down before he leaves to come here, and she's getting married in July! As long as he doesn't come back except to visit I'll survive.