is this unfair??
I am so unhappy with everything at the moment at home and want it to just be the 2 of us, with no other outside bull sh#t- #bliss#.DH knows I am ready to pack my bags and go, everything has got on top of me lately to the point where the thought of skids coming over makes me feel ill.They are not bad kids, and I am lucky its EOWE and 1 week night, however all the drama that goes with them etc is just too much I feel like I am drifting apart from my DH as its always something. Im going to ask him to just have a few visits out of our house, he can go whereever i dont care with them, hopefully pass them to family in all honesty, just so me and DH get to have time together (he works the weekend we dont have them). My DH loves me and says he wants to make it work but everytime we get close again, skids come and he gets funny with me when their visit looms and we end up fighting and then by the time we get close again it happens again. Is this asking too much, even though it will only be a few visits. I am just hoping if we cna build us to be ahppy then the skids visits will be easier and not be a roadblock on our time.I am just ready to walk out right now becasue I dont see any light at the end of the tunnel.thanks!
So asking for DH to have 2
So asking for DH to have 2 full weekends with just me, his wife and letting his willing family have skids is asking too much?
I was ust hoping that I could have a break from them and be able to be a better wife. I think its at least worth ago. And to be honest yes I do think he should do this to keep me, he has a responsibilty towards me too and my happiness. Just becasue he is a dad doesnt mean that his marraige should be sacraficed for his kids. Yes he can change jobs however its not that easy and can be done instantly.
I agree with you, Harley.
I agree with you, Harley. Your DH made vows to you and he does have a responsibility for at least TRYING to make you happy. I'm not saying completely abandon the skids but he does need to spend alone time with his wife and work on his marriage.
I feel the same way about my DH and skid. I wish it could just be the two of us
I don't think there is
I don't think there is anything wrong with a wife (SM, first wife, or 5th wife) wanting to have a weekend alone with her husband.
I know many wives from intact families that would kill to have a weekend alone with their DH. This isn't just a step thing.
OP said a few weekends not all the time. And that some visits could be outside the home. I don't think that is unreasonable at all.
Plus it sounds like the dad needs to do some work on their behavior when they are present so it is not like being invaded by the huns. The drama will never be eliminated but I'll bet it could be drastically reduced.
She said they aren't bad
She said they aren't bad kids.
He only has his kids 8 days
He only has his kids 8 days out of the month. He's with you every day.
Asking him to give up time with his kids in order to keep his wife is emotional blackmail.
How about asking him to use vacation or personal days on a few weekends he doesn't have his kids?
I'm lucky enough to say that
I'm lucky enough to say that i have my husband to myself at least every other weekend. I know what you mean of sending the kids of with relatives...i send my own dd with my mom (since dad is not in the picture) friday and sat, so i can spend time with my husband, he looks forward to it, and so do it. However; keep in mind we have his sd just as much as the bm (50/50). There have been times when we have them weekend after weekend...probably for 3 months straigh, and it did take a toll on us...soooo that when we planned out date nights...kids or no kids...date night every two weeks. You should plan that with you dh. Living with him is not the same as spending time with him. Try having a date night..and try to make it when its suppose to be ur weekend without the kiddos
Thank you oldone for actually
Thank you oldone for actually reading my post properly. I never said for him to abandon his children and to be honest asking to him change his job rather than take the kids away from MY house for a few weekends is asking too much, lets live in the real world for a change!So would I still be getting the same response if these were my bio kids and I asked my parents to take them for a whole week to have some time off with my DH present or if DH and I went away for a week for time together?? NO.
Yes this may not make things better but uprooting and leaving a marraige without trying everything we can do to solve it is alot more damaging to everyone (the oh so special skids included). I am trying to work out what I can do to make things better and asking for a break from these kids isn't going to kill them. Like I said for him take them and maybe even leave them with family, which they actually love to do, both skids and family for a FEW visits.
Also by the way you are presuming that my DH works 9-5...HE DOESNT.
^^ I do agree with this. Time
THIS, THIS, THIS Sending BKs
THIS, THIS, THIS
Sending BKs that live with you full time to spend the weekend with grandparents, isn't the same as sending away kids you only see 8 days a month.
Why can't he burn a few vacation days to spend time with his wife?
I guess I'm selfish and self
I guess I'm selfish and self centered too because I see nothing wrong with a couple having a weekend together.
I used to keep my niece for a couple of weeks or a month when my brother and his wife went out of the country for vacations. And she was a COD. She's now in her late 20s and is a wonderful young woman who loves her bio parents and steps. Same for my two nephews. And my niece lived over 1000 miles away from me so it was a big deal for her to come to my home.
"I guess I'm selfish and self
"I guess I'm selfish and self centered too because I see nothing wrong with a couple having a weekend together."
There's nothing wrong with them having a weekend together, but why does it HAVE to be on a weekend he has his kids?
An easy way to solve this
An easy way to solve this issue is YOU find something else to do when DH has his kids. Go out for a drive, visit a friend or family member, take up a class or hobby. ANYTHING to get away from them if they get under your skin.
To ask DH to send them to a grandparent's place for the little time he does have them is really pushing things. As much as I would've LOVED it if DH would've done that very thing, I never would've expected it or asked him to do it.
I realize you want a weekend alone with hubby. That may just have to wait till kids either don't come over on weekends anymore or they're grown and off on their own. Or, you plan something on weekends he's not working and doesn't have kids.
Trust me, I get how you feel. We had SD every other day, then every other week and then every other weekend and now not at all. I was patient and on days that she was there and I didn't want to be around her, I simply made other plans for myself. Did I prefer to be with DH? Sure. But, it wasn't my call to make.
Good luck.
I get it to a point... we
I get it to a point... we have my DH's kids every weekend. My kids are here 100% of the time. My DH works an opposite shift I do, so when I'm home, he's sleeping. When he's awake, I'm working. It's like we're married to ghosts! One night a week we sleep in the same bed at the same time.
I agree that expecting DH to send his kids elsewhere on his weekends is harsh, I agree that won't "fix" the problem.
But I also understand exactly how LONELY it can get when the significant other in your life is not awake/around/available at the same time you are.
You both have to find a happy medium. And as I read thru the posts, I was thinking exactly what Cheri brought up -- the issue sounds like it's how DH behaves when his kids are around vs the kids actually being around. So by asking him to have his kids go elsewhere is treating a symptom, not curing the disease.
How does your DH act when his kids are around? Maybe that's the issue you need to be seeking advice on -- how to deal with how he acts when his kids are around, since that sounds like about the ONLY time you two are together.
I'd kill to have the skids
I'd kill to have the skids only EOWE!
I understand where you're coming from, as my skids really aren't bad, it's just all the drama that comes with them that drives me crazy.
But as long as you're with someone with "previously-owned" kids, it's never going to be just the two of you. Only you can decide if it's worth it.
although i see nothing wrong
although i see nothing wrong in taking a weekend away from skids if these are the only weekends he is off, i have to agree a tiny bit with the above posters. however, i do not think you are selfish. i think you aren't addressing the real problem. i don't know what's really going on here, but you are saying there is so much drama surrounding them. what kind of drama? is it their behavior or their mother? does your dh have boundaries with bm or does she have him by the balls? does your dh spoil the kids, spend money you don't have, is he inappropriate with bm? what is going on here? how does he act "funny" when the kids are around? do you feel like a third wheel, excluded? i think you need to get to the root of the problem here. right now you are feeling like if you get rid of the kids, you're getting rid of the problem, but they aren't going to go anywhere. they will be back. the problem is more than likely your dh. a little more info would be helpful.
Oh hell......my skids are
Oh hell......my skids are grown and live in other towns and I STILL don't get alone time with DH. LOL! We have our kids PLUS brother-in-law parked in our living room for the last five months (but that's for another forum). Ugh!