bad or worse?
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Okay, this is my last question/post for the night. For those of you who have joint custody, like most of us....if you could choose, would you take skid full time and get BM out of your life, or would you keep the joint custody to get the skid-free days despite all the crap that comes with negotiating with BM? Just curious. I can tell BM doesn't want the kid in our case and only arranges the custody schedule to keep BF under her thumb....but if she lost interest in BF and we could finally take skid and move whereever we wanted, a million miles away from her and live our life by our rules instead of hers, would it be worth it to have him ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time? Philosophical since she would never free us, but sometimes I daydream.
NEVER in a kabillion years
NEVER in a kabillion years would i take skids full time!
Well speaking from experience
Well speaking from experience I thought it would be great to have SD full time and get rid of BM but now that she moved halfway across the country it's not what it's cracked up to be. Its terrible...every brief moment of peace you take for granted will never be there again. We have no alone time and can't make plans to go out or be anywhere together without having to convince Dh to call a babysitter weeks in advance and dealing with SD freaking out. We are going to a play this Friday and I am soooo excited to get some adult time!! If I had known then what I know now I never would have wished this arrangement on myself.
Skids full time. In a hot
Skids full time. In a hot minute. It would allow us to reverse the damage instead of the parenting/healing/discipline being constantly interrupted.
I am the CSP. I would not
I am the CSP. I would not have it any other way. Custody with the NCP getting regular though not extensive visitation is the best of both worlds IMHO and is as good as it gets in the blended family world when one side or the other is populated with toothless morons.
My wife and I get to ground our son firmly in our family as a full time member where honesty, performance, education, mutual respect and personal accountability are valued and we get three Skid free breaks a year when he is visiting his BioDad and the SpermClan. 5Wks Summer, 1Wk Winter and 1Wk Spring.
Though it is always been difficult to put him on a plane to be exposed to the SpermClan's toxic drama, we do enjoy the 1:1 time while he is gone.
In our situation I believe that the contrasting experience between what he lives in the "real" world in his full time home with his mom and I and the toxic drama he lives with in SpermLand has in some ways allowed him to realize that the life he has with us is better and he values it more. That is not to say that the time with the SpermClan has not saddled him with some difficult character issues he needs to work through. But, his mom and I will have his back to help him over come the traits he inherited from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
So, my vote is to be the CSP in a blended family that deals with a long distance visitation schedule just like I have been for 16+ years since my SS was 1yo.
IMHO of course.
Sure. I would take skid full
Sure. I would take skid full time, but only if BM never had a say about anything. Period. And if I cut limit her contact with SD.
Other than that.... NO WAY. EOW right now.... is working great for me.... because the drama is very limited. Whenever we have skid full time (has happened several times) the drama is DAILY.... BM calls skid cell several times a day..... plays mind games with her, and makes her cry constantly.
Not worth it for skid or US.
Yes, I would take them full
Yes, I would take them full time. Sd is delightful enough (so far) and it would benefit her greatly. Ss is grown but I often wonder and is a train wreck (yup, dealing drugs and all!) and I often wonder what he would be like if we had had him all the time and he had faced consequences..... It skids can be ridiculous and I love my free time when they are with their BM but I would have htem full time because it is in their best interest. Plus, getting rid of BM?!?! AMEN! }:)
This surprises me as much as
This surprises me as much as it possibly could, but I think I would take the skids full time and get that hag out of their lives for good. I think we still have a small frame of time to get their lives straightened out and I wish I could take full advantage of that. It's obvious to us that during the time that AM is out of town (she works at various hospitals and one particular will have her out of town for a couple weeks at a time), the skids are much more "adjusted". The attitude is still there...they are teens after all, but at much lower levels. SD seems almost human when AM isn't around. I am so scared that they look at AM and think she's normal. I don't want SD to grow up and be like AM and I don't want SS to grow up and treat women the way AM allows herself to be treated...
If it could happen in the
If it could happen in the next 6 months or so I'd take them full time but not after that. As they get older their personalities are more set and they are more like BM. The chances of changing the direction they are headed is lessoned with each passing day. There will be a point, possibly already passed, where it is irreversible. Once that happens I wouldn't want them around. The last thing I need are 2 little BMs in my home.
Yes yes yes!!! I would gladly
Yes yes yes!!! I would gladly have them full time if we could kick Sybil out of our lives completely!!
Seriously, I would cartwheel naked down Main Street if it meant that witch and her psychoses would be out of our lives forever!! The kids are 5 and 10, SS10 begged us to come get him when we got them a month ago. Yes I know it's only been a month, but I'd gladly have them around 24/7 without her in the picture. She's what makes this difficult.
I have SD13 FT and in all
I have SD13 FT and in all honesty on this site; it is a nightmare; she has made myself and hubby hate each other in only 5 months!! she is talented though......