Rude SD
I need some help here. Iv been dating my boyfriend for a year now and iv started to notice how rude his daughter is. She's 9 and she's already told me " don't play dumb with me" and he didn't say anything to her. Iv asked her to pick up her boots at the front door so no one trips and she tells me no and walks away. She's 9 an she doesn't hang up her coat or puts her shoes away. When I asked her if she's ever done it before she tells me "no that's what adults are for I'm just a kid" . The other day broke my heart when her cousin who is 4 was over and he was so excited to see her after she got home from school, he ran to the door and told her he made her a picture for her and hands it to her. What does she do? Pushes him out of the way and says" I don't care."
I know I have no kids of my own but it breaks my heart to see how she treats her cousin and how rude she is becoming. How do I go about bringing this up to my boyfriend? Or should I? I know I'm not her mother and don't want to be, but I would like to be respected. I mean if I pulled what she pulls when I was a kid I would be spanked and put to bed.
And advice?
Are you living with your BF,
Are you living with your BF, and are you and your BF custodial parents of SD? If so, there is absolutely no excuse for this behaviour. Your BF should be disciplining her, and backing you up 100% when you do so. If he is not prepared to do this you should reconsider your relationship with him, as you will be living with this vile behaviour for the next 10 years or so.
If you are not living together, and he is not custodial, I would tell your BF you no longer wish to come around when she is there until you see substantial changes in her behaviour.
If she lives primarily with her BM, and your BF just gets her EOW or similar, he has a harder job on his hands, but it is still essential that he tackles this, unless he wants a repulsive, unloveable daughter whom everyone loathes, and who has no friends.
My boyfriend has her 50/50.
My boyfriend has her 50/50. And no I don't live with them. I'm over there quite often though
Agree with Sheldon - if he
Agree with Sheldon - if he has her half the time, he should be able to instill better behaviour than you have been seeing. He also should NOT be allowing her to disrespect you the way she does. I'm sure she is not allowed to behave this way at school.
I think it is time for a "Come to Jesus" meeting with him, if you want this relationship to last and have a chance.
I agree with Echo and
I agree with Echo and Sheldon...you need to truly have this discussion with him and let him know that her behavior is unacceptable.
If he doesn't step up and discipline, you're best to move on. Had DH not have stepped up and started to parent SD14 when he did, I would've walked prior to hitting our 3 month mark, that's how bad she was and he was allowing it.
Good luck!
Thank you so much for all
Thank you so much for all your advice. I'm going to bring it up tomorrow night and I hope it goes well. His daughter and I do get along but I agree and feel like if she doesn't start respecting me then she never will and it will make things 10x harder. I want to tell him she needs to start doing things on her own like using a knife( he cuts all her food for her), tieing her shoes, getting herself a drink, and a few other things. She was whining the other day that she couldn't zip up her new shoes to me and I told her that she's a big girl and can do it on her own and walked away. Of course I heard all about how mean I was and i didn't care. But if it was her dad there he would have done everything for her. But that's a whole other story and I'll bring it up to him later on. Take one step at a time and start with her attitude.
I agree with PP's about the
I agree with PP's about the "Come-to-Jesus" chat....
Also comments like "Wow! I can't believe that you think it's ok to talk to an adult like that! "Boyfriend", aren't you going to do something about that or should I just leave?" until he really gets the picture. Or to the little cousin, "I'm sorry "9 yr old" was so mean to you! You should tell her how you feel. Let's go find "boyfriend" and "9 yr old" and tell them together."
Statements like that will help your boyfriend to see exactly what behaviors you find so offensive.
Like it or lump it. I said
Like it or lump it. I said it, I saw the writing on the wall knew she was an entitled trouble maker rude and no boundaries and I married him because I love him. We have been married for four months and two months ago she moved out said to him get rid of your wife and I will come back to visit you daddy and no daddy I wont follow your dumb rules of dogs outside and no shoes on the carpet and being disrespectful to you.
She came back this week and its been hell, I have learned to not care when he doesnt parent her. When she even talks disrespectful to him! Yesterday when I picked her up from school and went to get my daughter she ordered me to leave and not wait for her to make her walk because she was taking too long ( 5 min after the bell). I ignored her. She tried to get me to do her homework, I disappeared, tried to get me involved with being kicked out of girl scouts for being disrespectful, said I should of yelled at the leader. I told her I didnt want to know anything to tell her parents. She was dismissed for being rude to the leader and not wanting to participate being extremely disrespectful a teacher at her school so embarrassing! You can be with him but what you SEE IS WHAT YOU GET.
I see a therapist to help me not care and survive when she is rude to me. He wont stand up to her even for himself let alone me! She is 11 7 more years but bet ya daddy will give up and say here take her and the money its easier. He is done with her. I am holding my breath. He says she is just like her mother, guess what he divorced her. Sad these permissive daddies but its real and there about 95% of the ones divorced. Dads are afraid to parent , parenting out of fear cuz these kids have power to pick
I wish my DH would stand up
I wish my DH would stand up to his adult brat (almost 30). She is cruel, manipulative and rotten to the core. You are lucky
Lucky! What is your key? I
Lucky! What is your key? I wish my husband would stand up to her. He is afraid she will leave and we will have to pay child support to the ex. So we all take her crap! He ignores it, I ignore it my two kids ignore it and hold are breath for tomorrow is Friday yippie! SAD our family needs help its my fault I should of walked away. But I love him, I love him so so much that everyday I work really hard at dealing with her. Its his problem and I wait for the next thing that comes out of her mouth hoping its happy. I deal in response to behavior.
Lucky! What is your key? I
Lucky! What is your key? I wish my husband would stand up to her. He is afraid she will leave and we will have to pay child support to the ex. So we all take her crap! He ignores it, I ignore it my two kids ignore it and hold are breath for tomorrow is Friday yippie! SAD our family needs help its my fault I should of walked away. But I love him, I love him so so much that everyday I work really hard at dealing with her. Its his problem and I wait for the next thing that comes out of her mouth hoping its happy. I deal in response to behavior.
totally agree my kids are
totally agree my kids are well behaved he is always worried and she is usually naughty. I agree I would do a letter and ground she has never had any discipline period and is 11 ot ooooooooooo too late or is it?
If your BF doesn't discipline
If your BF doesn't discipline her for these actions then all I can say is just wait until she's older. It will get worse unless BF tells his little brat that she better respect you. If you plan on marrying this guy or living with him you'd better get ready. My SD is an adult and is the most rotten, disrespectful piece of trash I have ever met. Her parents spoiled her rotten and she still at almost 30 can't take care of herself. She relies on her family to take care of her. It's sickening :sick:
I wish you luck with this one. If she talks like that at 9 then you are in for the shock of your life when she hits 12-13. The daughters are the worst. Good luck
All I have to say is rude
All I have to say is rude people suck!!! My SD13 is the most rude, arrogant and disrespectful kid I have ever met...I feel your pain.
GROWING MONSTERS! I feel for
GROWING MONSTERS! I feel for you same boat... We watch as these permissive dads make problems for the future. They reinforce evilness and actual NURTURE bad adults when they are irresponsible parents. I know every time my husband lets her be rude the consequences are going to fall back on us in the future. He gets in a bad mood for feeling like an inadequate parent and it causes CHAOS in our home! PLUS I KNOW FOR CERTAIN ITS JUST GOING TO GET WORSE AS SHE AGES. I WATCH AS HE MAKES PROBLEMS FOR ME OVER WHICH I WILL NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL AND ITS SO EASY TO STOP IT. I AM NOT THE PARENT ITS SO AWFUL TO WATCH THESE MEN RAISE NAUGHTY KIDS. ALL I CAN SAY IS YEP YOUR RIGHT, AND NO YOU CANT CHANGE IT. I PERSONALLY AM LOOKING FOR A 10 HR A DAY SHIFT SO I DONT HAVE TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO HER WHEN SHE VISITS!