Would I be a bad step mom if.....
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So some of you know my story because I've posted before but DH works out of town and I raise my two small step kids. DH has been keeping kids from BM because she didn't have a stable environment and wasnt paying CS. Well now BM seems to be on the mend. She asked for the childern back. As in switching custody roles. I don't know what to do! Help!!!
Sounds like something your DH
Sounds like something your DH and BM need to work out among themselves. I'd stay out of that. She'd have to prove that she's turned her life around and is a suitable parent before I'd let the kids go if I were your DH. And if you have them all the time, just turning them over to her full time would be detrimental to the kids, as they're used to being in one place now.
Good luck but I'd let your husband sort this one out. His kids, her kids - their decision.
True, might take months for
True, might take months for her to prove to DH that she has really changed and wants to be a part of the kids life. I hate being in limbo but hey, I chose this right? Haha
Well, custody cannot legally
Well, custody cannot legally be switched just because she asks.
Your DH needs to call her and tell her he will discuss this when he is back in town and to leave it alone until then.
If she legally has visitation rights, there is not much you can do about that.
Thanks. Yeah DH doesn't want
Thanks. Yeah DH doesn't want the childern around strange men (two boyfriends since she divorced his dad) and she is living with them. Also, being around people who have drug records. DH doesn't trust her with the childern and has offered day visits and she has said no she wants her full weekend. Hasn't paid CS because she hasn't had a job for six months. Has been paying less than half of CS since she has had a job.
She won't even talk to DH! All they do is fight. She will only talk/email me now.
I'm having a really hard time. I love my DH but I don't want to raise the childern on my own six days out of the week yet have to answer to BM. Plus what's best for the kids? Being with step mom all the time or their real mom? They only see dad one or two days a week.
I feel for you. I wouldn't
I feel for you. I wouldn't want to raise them either and BM sounds like a real winner.
Definitely not fair that you have been put in this position. I don't know what I would do.
Honestly, if your DH does not want them around BM, maybe he needs to find a job in town or move to where his job is so he can raise his own children.
He's always had custody. She
He's always had custody. She gets one weekend a month. They switch holidays and she gets three weeks of vacation in the summer. They are suppose to jointly decide what medical, school, activities, and religious program the childern attend/need.
Add to this she must prove a
Add to this she must prove a change in circumstances FOR THE CHILDREN, not just she tried to clean up her act. She would get visitation though no doubt about it - even if he proves she's unfit - it would just be supervised.
Is that good or bad?
Is that good or bad?
Withheld the kids of her
Withheld the kids of her because she had two boyfriends after the divorce?I have to say that if this is the only reason why she can't see her kids, it is not enough!If you and your DH would break up with and he would find someone else, would he liked to be declared as unfit to look after his kids, too?And she didn't pay CSA because she was unemployed.If she is unemployed she does not have to.Not saying she shouldn't work, but the CSA thing shouldn't be a reason why she can't see her own kids.Your DH sounds a bit unfair, sorry to say that.
THIS is what i was thinking
THIS is what i was thinking also. whether or not she pays child support (sadly) is irrelevant. i don't know the reason he was awarded custody but if the court order says she's entitled to full weekends, she gets full weekends. it's not up to your dh to go against the court orders (he could be held in contempt for withholding visitation) and not his decision. if bm is trying to excercise her RIGHT of visitation, it's not up to him to decide whether she can or cannot, regardless of how many men she dates and who her friends are.
on a side note, she may not be the best mother in the world, may be a shitty mother. BUT, this is the woman your dh chose to have kids with. if the judge thinks she's fit to mother (however limited), let her mother.
Not completely correct - if
Not completely correct - if she is unemployed, she can file for a downward modification. She doesn't get to simply stop paying.