If the kids are willing to let you love them, and you want to...go for it. That sounds allot like the situation taht I came into 10 years ago. when I married my husband who had 4 children already. Just reading this I can tell that you love the kids. These little ones are caught in the middle and go with your heart on this. Having your DH work out of town leaving you with the skids has to be hard, especially with your longing for your own child(ren) Im sorry for your ectopic pregnancy too. I have never had that but did have a miscarriage between my 1st and 2nd bio boys. Lets see..even with the 3 at home when we married (SD12, SD8, SS3), we did have 3 little boys..We brought home the first on our year anniversary, the 2nd 18 months later and the tird 18 months after that. I cant say it was easy, but it was easier knowing that I was fulfilling my dream of a family too.

If youre not OK with the amount just YOU spend with the kids, youre gonna have to speak up and pretty much demand some changes. Either the BD needs to be home more or prvide for some of the care in the kids when he is gone. At time, even now, I feel resentment with the amount of time I spend with skids because it is taking away from my bios..who are now 9, 7, and 6. The only skid still at home is SS14 who is developmentally delayed from all the crap that his BM DID NOT do for him when he was a baby. He is a handful at that. My Sd are now 20 and 18. Even though I cared for them as mine, and did the best I did, I really dont think that I could ever do enough to make up for the love that they did not feel from their mother. Consequesntly, we pretty much have no relationship right now, which is really sad for me. I still keep hoping that somewhere down the line they will realize and care that I WAS THERE FOR THEM, and come back around. Hope is a wonderful thing!!
For now, I can absolutely say that I would not change the fact that I gave these kids unconditional love from the start. They are at an iomportant and pivotal time in their lives where they need positive solid role models, whether bio or not. Just my opinion!!! Oh..for what its worth, and depending on age, I would not wait to have more children. If you wnat more than one....fight for it....I really mean talk it through till you are both happy with the agreement. Hope this helps ya!!

Holy crap this guy got a good deal. You're exactly what he needed. Someone to baby sit the children of his failed marriage. AND SEX on weekends - damn do you have a sister?

DO NOT have children. DO NOT bring more children into this emminent train wreck.

Oh sure you can try and be the white knight (or is that knightness [a female knight]) on a white horse and give up your life to save him. And I know you came into this hoping that you could make a instant family with a house with a picket fence. But woman it doesn't work that way.

You had a pregnancy go wrong. It happens all the time. It doesn't make you a failure it was just bad luck and happenchance biology. Don't get on birth control which was my first thought - cross your legs. NO MORE sex. STOP AND THINK. STOP AND THINK.

What the hell woman? A million childless guys out there and you decide this is your only option? Tell him this was a mistake. Take the blame on yourself if necessary but tell him you're moving and he should take a week off work and get his affairs in order because this coming Sunday you're gone.

I'm deadly serious. This is lose lose lose. You'll never be a mommy to these kids get that out of your head. Endentured servents in the 1600's had a better deal than you got. At least they got a free ride to the new world, learned a trade, and after 7 years got their freedom.

Do NOT listen to the woman who posted above me. She had children. She had to compromise and I hope she's happy with the results. I really am. But you don't have to end your life here. Find one of those childless guys out there and start over. PLEASE.

I'm male and as such I can guarantee you he doesn't want more children. He agreed to one more to keep you on board. Of this I can absolutely positively guarantee you. Maybe he's not doing it deliberately, with malance aforethought, but he needs you desperately and is willing to have another kid just to shut you up.

For Christs sake don't let him do this to you.

I think your best advice is from the poster above .
You don't have any kids, find someone who also doesn't have kids.
I think you do care about the kids and maybe you feel a little bit guilty that if you were to leave, what would happen to the kids? and what would happen to you?
Being a lone really is scary at first, but you get over it and realize it was for the best.
We can't save the world, its impossible.
You have the opportunity to set yourself up well by finishing school, do that.
Its good to know that their are people out there like you, who take responsibility for someone else, but at the same time you shouldnt be sacrificing your happiness to do so.
Best of Luck!

I was at home alone with MY OWN KIDS for years in my previous marriage (he was in the military and always deployed.) Even with my own kids it was hell raising them completely by myself, and I didn't have to work on top of it! I would get out too. Been there, done that. Daddy's never home and you do everything by yourself. When he is home he's "too tired" to be bothered to help you with chores or parenting. You drift apart, you start to feel resentment, he doesn't respect or appreciate all that you've given up to raise the kids ALONE. You're just wasting your time, believe me. Eventually I realized that if I was going to be alone all the time anyway I may as well be free too. I went back to school and ended up meeting someone else, who is a better and more involved father to my kids than their bio dad ever was. Why would you want to have a baby with a man who's never around for the kids he has now?! This will only end badly.

If I were you, I would get both kids into preschool ASAP. If there is no way you can afford it, not even by garnishing BMs paycheck for the CS, then I would try to get them into a head start preschool program. There are also mothers morning out groups, often at the public library or churches. They need to be socialized with other kids your age and you need a break so you do t go nutso and start rocking in a corner and drooling on yourself. If bm won't pay, send the sheriff to collect. If she disappears for 12 solid moths without pAying, terminAte her rights. Right now you should focus on finding activities for them to do so you catch a break though. If you meet other ppl with kids who you like you can do play dates and actually get to talk to a grown up while kiddos are entertained.

Also, I would institute the "when daddy is home I get as much me time as I want" policy with the hubby.

I'm going to have to disagree with the majority of responses to this. I'm going to assume that you love your husband, that he has your heart and you would not consider a different life, despite the sacrifices. If I'm wrong, just disregard the rest of this.

I understand about the resentment. Right now, my SD (who is an adult) is living with us, with her boyfriend and two sons. They take adequate care of their 6 month old, but their two year old is largely ignored. I am left to care for him, comfort him, and make sure his needs are met. I didn't ask for this position, but someone's got to take care of him. I love him, but I really wish that it did not fall to me to take care of him.

I think that it is important to share your feelings with your husband, while recognizing that he might be doing all that he possibly can right now. Parenthood is stressful, but he needs to at least recognize what you are doing and how hard you are trying. Try and use this struggle to bring you closer together, and don't fall into silence and let it drive you apart.

As far as children of your own are concerned...I'd explain to him that this is really important for you. It may not be the best time financially for them, but unless you see life getting easier in the near future or you are not sure this marriage will last, i'd encourage you to just go for it.

I realize that none of this was particularly helpful as far as "advice" goes...but I just wanted to encourage you to keep trying and to share that you are not alone.