I don't know how to keep my marriage but have nothing to do with bratty ss
I have a ss10 who acts 4 and a psychotic MIL and BM.. MIL wishes DH would get back with loser BM (even tho he and I have 2 kids together)..bc of course she is pissed that everyone doesn't bow down and worship the ground the little brat walks on..our 2 children (who would also be her blood for the record) are treated like crap bc she's so afraid of letting the brat think anyone is on the same level he is..I know this sounds horrible and trust me when I tell u I don't feel great about myself for it but I have a physical response to this kid..I really cannot stand him! He's a lying sneaky little brat and I have never wanted to whip a kids ass so bad in my life! It wasn't always like this but MIL couldn't stand the fact that I was disciplining brat when he was here and so she proceeds to tell dh whole family how horrible of a bitch I am.. Then she persuades dh to allow ss to stay with her on his visitation so that he doesn't feel "left out" here with me..dh agreed which pisses me off in itself but not my kid I guess so what can I really say about it? Now MIL talks horrible about us b. she has ss all the time...what do u want bitch? U don't get it both ways... If having rules for once in his life was too much to deal with then keep his bratty ass over there and continue to ruin him..no skin off my back but don't then be a marter and try to get everyone to feel sorry for the brat bc he's not included in what we do... Pick an effing soap box and stay on it! So aggravated..I'm contemplating taking up kickboxing so I can fantasize about kicking her and burn calories at the same time! Thanks for listening had to vent!
Sounds like she is determined
Sounds like she is determined to find fault with you no matter what.
Yes! Hit the nail on the
Yes! Hit the nail on the head! She's a control freak and now that she doesn't really have control over dh she's blaming that loss of control on me. I don't think it would matter what I do she would hate me. I know I should let go bc I can't change it but it is so infuriating to me it makes me insane!
Once, early on a friend told
Once, early on a friend told me this and it has saved me much frustration:
"You can't reason with crazy. You can't persuade crazy. You can't understand crazy. It is a waste of time to try."
The whole deal is she adores
The whole deal is she adores BM..,and y? Bc the piece of trash has practically let her raise her kid! She loves it when people depend on her for everything! She must be the center of attention even to go as far as taking pics of the very few things she has bought my children and sending the pics to all of her address book with the caption "aren't I the best grandma??" Really? She's effin crazy! Dh buys all if ss stuff..BM does nothing. Doesn't even work! But mil has made her look like a saint! I've just had my fill and want nothing else to do with mil BM or the brat..I truthfully was never mean to that kid but now that I know all the lies the little weasel has told mil and others I wish I had been...ready to move away and not look back
Wow, your SS, BM, and MIL
Wow, your SS, BM, and MIL sound SO similar to mine. My SS is five and is a nut, BM is worthless, and MIL is bat shit crazy and totally obsessed with her little angel baby. DH and BM only got married because of the pregnancy, split soon after, MIL stepped in as Mom on DH's weeks, I came along when he was 2, and it has been HELL. You nailed it, MIL worships the ground skid walks on just like yours. He does NO wrong, and trust me, he does, he is truly a little psychopath in the making and has all kinds of mental issues but MIL doesn't believe it and lets him get away with EVERYTHING and thinks he is so cute.
I disengaged last Fall, skid is not here if DH is not. He goes to MIL's when DH goes to work and stays the night there, DH goes and gets him of a morning, brings him here, then takes him back before work. He is currently expelled from school because of his horrific behaviors. DH is going for full custody now because BM is an idiot. I have been victimized beyond belief because of these people and the day DH tries to force him on me again or make me keep him is the day I am leaving. I take a lot but that is the deal breaker.
Like you, I cannot stand my MIL and I used to get so mad at her behavior towards skid, but now that I have thrown my hands up and said to hell with all of them, I cant help but think it is funny because does this loon ever have a rude awakening coming when skid gets older. I don't give a damn how skid turns out, not my kid, not my problem as one poster says. All I care about is that I am not ever expected to be involved again. I say it is idiots raising another idiot and that is there own fault. The time that he is here in my home, when DH is off work, I am a ghost in this house, I don't help, I don't do anything. I stay in my room and avoid him and DH as much as possible. It is still almost unbearable. I am sorry you are dealing with this and there is a lot of us here that feel your pain.
3 years into this situation
3 years into this situation and I will say I am loving the fact that ss is a smart mouth little a-hole even to her..she complained to dh last week that ss has become disrespectful..getting her "come uppings" as far as I can tell lmao! Just wait! He hasn't even reached 12 yet... The only solitude I can find in this whole thing is that she is making an awful nice noose to hang herself with..and I have made it clear to dh that I will NOT have that kid living in this house full time when she finally loses complete control. She created that beast..enjoy beeotch
and when the little demon is boosting cars and robbing houses while living in her spare room at the age of 30...I will have a warm fuzzy feeling 
Nicola - I am so glad you
Nicola - I am so glad you made it clear that if MIL has decided to take this path, calling all the shots and generally being a bitch (while it appears your DH has facilitated this by handing over ss and allowing her ignore your other bio kids by maintaining a relationship with her) that she gets to live with the problem she is creating i.e. ss and at no point are you going to mop up the mess.
I had a similar conversation with my partner (not a similar situation to yours) however my DH and BM, PIL were creating a very problematic child in my ss. Spoilt, immature, sneaky, thoughtless, and often nasty kid and that when ss got out of hand I was NOT going to be helping to fix things. You ignore my advice and tell me I am the problem? You are on your own.
Personally I am unsure even WHY you still have a relationship with your MIL/ss? While ss is a product of his upbringing it is still not acceptable that you have to endure his attitude and MIL has made her choices - let her stew in them.
As for your DH - well WTF is he thinking by allowing this to have happened? At the expense of you and his other children too! I can't imagine that not damaging your relationship tbh and even if his thinking was "path of least resistance" it has and is causing hurt and pain to you, your girls and his son (who lets be honest, this is not in his best interests being brought up like a mini god)!
I am not sure why I continue
I am not sure why I continue to set myself up for this garbage...I think it's bc at the end of the day I DO love DH and our kids. I just can't seem to make him understand where I'm coming from. I think he often feels put in the middle but he has done it to himself by not standing up to psycho mil and letting her know this is his family and this is what we r doing. The whole situation had spun into an outer dimension of ridiculous..to the point where his family boycotted my sons bday party this year. Stay away I say.. Better off without u.. I wish in a way we would all just stop being nice when we see each other..pretend u don't know me...I certainly don't want to know hateful people like them. I told dh we are moving next year...way away..closer to my family who do acknowledge and love my children ...brat can stay here on his throne.
Yes, I have told people that
Yes, I have told people that MIL will be that little old lady standing in the courtroom patting skids head and telling him he is perfect, when he gets hauled in for murder. She will be one of those clueless enablers that puts everything she owns up for bond and lose it all to support this monster. Skid WILL live with her forever because I can guarandamntee you NO ONE else will ever want him or tolerate him. He will be a sociopath living in her basement for sure.