3 year old step son just taking DH away from us
I have a 3 year old step son, whenever he comes over, he just wants DH to play with him. Dh and I had our 1st baby in January. step-son throws a fit whenever I tell him something he does wrong. He starts crying really loud which makes me look like the bad one. yesterday I asked DH to take all of us out for FAMILY time. Family time my foot, my step-son kept running around which made DH follow him everywhere. Every-time DH held our new baby, step-son kept screaming. I feel like DH doesn't spend equal time with both the boys. I don't know how to approach this to him because everytime I talk to him he gets offended. One time DH told me that he gets out of work quickly so he can pick his son up(my step-son) on the days he has him but other days he takes his time. That hurt me a lot. That comment made me feel like me and our new baby weren't important to him....
"Family time my foot, my
"Family time my foot, my step-son kept running around which made DH follow him everywhere."
He is 3. They are active kids. There are some great parenting websites out there that can give you ideas about how to do family time with a three year old and activities to engage him.
"I have a 3 year old step son, whenever he comes over, he just wants DH to play with him."
To be blunt, he is not there to see you or your baby. He is there to see DH.
That being said, DH needs to be doing more to facilitate peaceful co-existing relationships between you, SS and your baby. I.e. making sure he treats you both with respect as best as a toddler can and reading up about reasonable rules and consequences for a 3 year old. When DH has to help with the baby, he has to calmly explain to SS that he had his turn and now it is the baby's turn, and he can make Daddy so proud of him by being a big boy and playing quietly, getting him a diaper, etc.
I agree with what Anon said.
I agree with what Anon said. A 3-year old, by nature, will require more interaction & attention than an infant will. A 3-year old is up & moving, getting into things, & just requires more. He isn't "taking your DH away from you". He's being a 3-year old kid.
I assume your SS isn't with you all of the time...? Do you have him 50/50 or less? If that's the case, then you & your infant son are getting more time with your DH than your SS is.
While it is important for a child to have time with both parents, your infant son isn't feeling neglected or left out or cut short. You're feeling hurt for him over something he isn't feeling hurt over.
I never had experience with a
I never had experience with a toddler. therefore I don't know what to expect out of them. I will be reading on toddler's his age. About DH, I feel like when SS is over, DH just wants to fully give him attention. Not anyone else. Me any the baby become invisible to DH while SS is over.
How often does DH see his
How often does DH see his son?
You have just had a new baby.
You have just had a new baby. You are exhausted, emotional, apprehensive and uncertain. Don't read too much into this. Your husband, like most husbands don't do much with babies. He is doing things with his three year old that he will soon do with your new one, just as soon as the new one gets more active. When he smiles and says dad and can do stuff. Men are like that. If you are expecting dad to forget his first child, he won't. That doesn't mean he doesn't love the child he has with you. A lot of men, if not most, don't really fuss over babies. As I said, when your child starts to play, dh, will be right into it.
In the meantime, enjoy the time you have as a family when SS is not there, and if you are feeling extra tired, see if DH can help out with other things.
I think you are probably just having perfectly normal feelings, but as I said, don't read too much into it. It all sounds par for the course to me. He would be having heaps more fun with that 3 year old than he would have with holding a 2 or 3 month old baby. It's "man" thing, do not be insulted, worried or feel left out. Give him the baby and you chase the 3 year old for a while, it gives you a break from the baby.
your absolutely right, I am a
your absolutely right, I am a little emotional because in my pregnancy DH and I talked a lot about how both boys will be playing together. I guess I just have to wait until my baby grows up. And about chasing SS around, if only he lets me come close to him. I want to be a involved step-parent, but he just rejects me.
Even bio siblings act like
Even bio siblings act like that when there is a new baby in the family. It is totally normal and he does need reassurance right now. Don't worry baby will get lot's of attention too !
Sounds like a lovely little family to me
I'm in total agreement with
I'm in total agreement with you Echo.
^^^^Excellent advice^^^^
^^^^Excellent advice^^^^
stepmom2010, I don’t have any
stepmom2010, I don’t have any kids of my own yet but my DH is the same way when SD comes over (we have her 50/50). My opinion is that your DH is spending more time with SS because he feels guilty that he doesn’t have him all the time the way he has your BS. My DH is a major guilty parent and the world revolves around SD when she is here. I know it’s because DH feels guilty/sorry for her (she has a horrible mother who she spends 50% of her time with), but to be honest, F that! That is not an excuse, at least in my book, to neglect the rest of your family when skid is around. I think your DH should be spending time with ALL of you when skid is around. You don’t want skid thinking it’s all about him and turning into an entitled, spoiled brat and you also don’t want the baby (when he gets older) to think you only do things when skid is around. That kid is being given way too much power.