Hi

I have just registered in hope I can get advice on all the step-parent dilemas! 

So Im a step-dad (well at least i think i am)  who has a 9 yr old step daughter and 11 yr old step-son as well as my own 1 yr old son. 

I will just get the question out the way before elaborating some more - My step-son gets to meet his new tutor and classmates at secondary/high school this evening. I want to know if its acceptable for me to go if his biological Dad doesnt agree with this?

Heres some vital information you must read - The biological dad sees the kids every other weekend so Im the one who essientally rasies the children, i make extra effort to establish an equal dynamic as we have recently had our own baby (me and the bio mother)

The children are very close to me and we are all like best friends and they come to me about all sorts of things that they cant go to their dad about - the Dad never gave a damn until i was on the scene a couple years ago and since then has tried to ruin our family dynamic. 

I attended a couple highsschools when said step son was choosing his school - we went as a family and invited the bio dad as we respect he is the dad. He got very angry when he found out i was attending, even though his at the time 10 yr old son go upset and then angry at his own dad for his behaviour saying he wanted all of us to go. long story short me and my wife coaxed him into attending for his sons sake. Its important to understand my wife gets tearful often due to bio dads demands on how he must do everything with his son now - it gets complex because he doesnt do a whole lot unless he hears we ared doing something with the kids. I have had it out a number of times explaining the kids need stability and to be able to do activies in our family and not just with him (its literally that extreme)

I dont want to go into the dynamic wit the bio dad too much, but after the school visit he told my step-son that his baby brother wasnt really his brother and my step-son ran in when his dad dropped him back very upset with this 'revalation' in which the my step daughter starts crying - its important to know he has no time of day for the step daughter and doesnt mind if we do things with her or not. he is very much only interested in his son mainly. 

Now me and my wife do school runs, pack lunches, homeworks, basically the daily grind of having children...I see my step kids play with my bio son and all the children feel equal. I love them all and what we have going on - but this bio dad is doing everything to break us...he breaks our rules when the kids go to his, like allowing them to play xbox all day long and stay up to the early hrs often at partys wth very drunk people. It becomes difficult when this dad 'seems cool' for allowing these sorts of things and when we say you only get 90 mins technology time a day (which i think is fair - escpecially on school days) anyways  I think you get the drift.

As it stands im not seeing my step-son meet his new tutor and class mates even though he wants me there - I fear his dad will pull some dirty trciks like the time he told the kids their little baby brother wasnt their brother (crazy really when he was raised in a family where all his siblings had different dads!) I cant lie it really really upset me, i could of killed him in that moment of finding out! we have always resepcted him as a dad and give him access every other weekend for the whole weekend and also when ever he feels like seeing them. 

What do you guys think is right - can i attend my step-sons meet and greet at his new school or not? 

Thanks