What to do when BM makes 4 year old SD cry?!?!?
Forums:
BM has chosen not to pay court order CS or take advantage of visitation rights. Sometimes calls and demands to talk to the 4 year old after not talking to her for months. Last conversation BM and SD had(a month ago) BM told SD she had to go into bathroom so my DH and I couldn't hear the conversation. SD gets off the phone and is crying!!! SD says BM told her she didn't love her anymore. SD will now randomly ask why doesn't BM love her, send her gifts anymore or come see her anymore.
I refuse to bad mouth BM (even though she is an evil b****) around Skids. I don't want to lie to my SD either.
That is messed up! I can't
That is messed up! I can't believe a mother would say that to her 4 year old!
I know! She isn't a real
I know! She isn't a real mother. As much as I resent basically raising my Skids on my own, at least I know they have a mother figure that loves and cares for them.
Just let her know you care
Just let her know you care for her. She needs that.
I'm trying my best to. 90% I
I'm trying my best to.
90% I believe I was put in my skids lives for a reason. The other 10% I feel like I'm paying the price for the mistake the BM made at 17.
I commend the way you look at
I commend the way you look at this. It sounds like SD is lucky to have you in her life.
Just tell her that her mommy
Just tell her that her mommy is sick right now.
"Mommy is sick and we all
"Mommy is sick and we all hope she will feel better soon".
I tried covering for my ex for a long time but eventually had to explain that she was simply insane.
Keep it simple, age appropriate language and truthful. Sometimes life sucks and there is nothing you can do to change it.
At this point I would be video taping all conversations the woman has with her kid(s) and once I have at least two examples of this I would sue for supervised visitations and no phone or email contact. Camera phone if nothing else is available and download to PC.
Put the kids phone on speaker and video the whole conversation.
While in court the missing child support can be addressed also. Its a criminal violation of a court order. Also the local District Attorney at the county can usually step in to help collect.
Great idea! Ran the idea over
Great idea! Ran the idea over with hubby and we will be doing that from now on!
As for the CS and BM spending time with skids. We have recently decided to stop asking about it or offering her time with the kids. Lawyer thinks its time we let BM dig herself into a deep hole
I'm confused - How do you
I'm confused - How do you videotape a phone conversation? If you plan to audiotape calls between parent and child? Be aware that there are taping laws in all states (I don't know where you are), and most judges would take a dim view of one parent taping such conversations. A child is not qualified to consent to taping, nor can the parent consent in their stead in this type of situation.
OP - how do you actually know WHAT Mom actually said to the 4yo? Remember "The Telephone Game"? 4yos aren't very good at it...
Good point. But... (you knew
Good point. But... (you knew I'd have one...) A lot of judges will take this as invasive and intrusive on their conversation. Plus, it proves nothing. Except the child cried. Mom could have said "It's supposed to rain tomorrow" and kiddo got upset.
I'm not trying to be
I'm not trying to be argumentative - Dad really should speak with a lawyer. Because a judge *could* take even the speaker phone as interference.
Poor little girl! I hope she
Poor little girl! I hope she and her siblings are in counseling. They are lucky to have you in their lives.
Just keep giving these kids lots of love and comfort.
DH has primary custody and it
DH has primary custody and it is CO that he provide phone access. DH puts phone on speaker so we can hear. Since this accident DH has ignored phone calls or said the children were not with us when BM has called. SD hasn't seen BM in five months and have only talked to her seven times in that period. BM won't be mentioned for 3 weeks and SD will still ask about her.
DH doesn't want to be held in contempt of court but doesn't want to hurt the children. I'm learning this is a fine line.
Just as an FYI - a court
Just as an FYI - a court *could* find the speaker phone a violation of Mom's ability to speak freely with her child. Dad should speak with an attorney before doing so again, or taping any of the phone calls.
And yes - therapy (for the child). Look for someone who does play therapy.