Does anyone have Skids that behave BETTER when SO isn't home?
My SD7 is tolerable when DH is at work. SD does what she's told with little to no argument and follows the rules. The moment DH comes home it's like flipping a switch. SD starts acting like a whiny baby, at least tries to break every rule in the house, makes messes and demands da da "helps" which actually means he picks everything up for her. SD starts being mean to our dog demands she be put in her cage and acts like she wants nothing to do with our 17 month old son, but when daddy isn't around plays well with both the baby and the dog. It's like she wants to control every aspect of everyone in the house's life. I know the reason she behaves better when DH is not around is because I don't baby her and put up with the crap DH does. I try to point out how different SD acts and how bad her behavior is but of course DH gets mad and doesn't want to hear it or agrees with me just to appease me and then changes nothing.
Is it too much to ask that when 7 year old comes in the door they don't just leave their shoes and coat and book bag or anything else they take off in the middle of the walk way? Is it crazy for me to think should put their things in he closets they belong in? Should children not play with one thing at a time and once they're done playing clean up after themselves? Not just throw things from the middle of the living to the middle of their own bedroom, but put things back where they got them! Am I being too hard on SD7 when I expect her to eat what everyone else is having for dinner? Should I just be a short order cook in the home and fix everyone whatever their heart desires ever night? I spend at least an hour EVERY night cooking our family a nice meal, only to hear that she doesn't like it and wants fish sticks or spends 2 hours picking at her plate while we battle her to eat (even if it's something as simple as chicken and mac and cheese). SD says she doesn't "like that kind" or doesn't like chicken anymore, even though she ate it yesterday.
If we are going to watch a movie as a family SD quickly jumps into daddy's lap, stretches her legs out as far as possible on the couch and leaves me as little room on the couch as she can. She finds every excuse she can why there's not enough room for myself and my son and whines if anybody makes her the least bit uncomfortable. This is not just once in a while either. If DH sits on our couch she gets in his lap before he's even completely seated. I'm not saying I want to sit in my husband's lap but it would be nice to sit next to him.
I don't think she hates because she is pretty nice to me usually. We get along well if I swallow everything and pretend she doesn't get under my skin. SD just clearly can't stand for DH to have anything to do with me. We can't sit near each other or even have a conversation. If he tries to talk to me she climbs all over him and shouts "da da" "da da" over and over or insists he come upstairs or helps her with something until he gives in and cuts our conversation short to do whatever random task she can think of.
I guess I had to vent. I hadn't really planned on writing so much. Thanks for listening everyone.
Are all Skids just liars?
Are all Skids just liars?
I know mine is! Master liar
I know mine is! Master liar and manipulator!
Wow, that is EXACTLY how it
Wow, that is EXACTLY how it is at my house. I tried to tell my SO the same thing but he says he doesn't know what to say and how much easier it is for me to just do it.
Okay, I have twin step kids
Okay, I have twin step kids age 9 and my own kids ages 8 and 9 so I feel I'm qualified to answer these parts of your questions..
You wrote: Is it too much to ask that when 7 year old comes in the door they don't just leave their shoes and coat and book bag or anything else they take off in the middle of the walk way? Is it crazy for me to think should put their things in he closets they belong in? Should children not play with one thing at a time and once they're done playing clean up after themselves? Not just throw things from the middle of the living to the middle of their own bedroom, but put things back where they got them!
Honestly, of my group BOTH the step kids AND the bios leave their damn shoes and bags wherever they want. So that is very normal. Do I pick them up? Hell no! I make them stop whatever they are doing and put them where they belong. As for the toys, I think it's a bit much to ask kids to clean up as they are playing. At our house, before bed everyone has to put the toys away. I will sit in the room and hold them accountable for doing it right (i.e. not shoving things in couch cushions) but I don't clean up for them.
As for being a short order cook - 2 of my step kids are picky eaters (I have 3 step kids) so the rule is: if you don't like what I prepared you can make yourself a bowl of cereal. At first I would get really offended when they wrinkled their noses at my AWESOME meat loaf, but eventually I just let it go. My husband, step son, 2 bios and I love my meals - so if they would rather eat cold cereal - more for us!
As for your SD fighting for her dad's physical space - I haven't had that experience but I do know that my own 2 boys will fight over me when I'm on the couch (who gets to cuddle with me). I tell them, there is plenty of mom to go around. If they still fight I get up and move to a different couch so that neither gets me. Sounds like your husband needs to have this talk with his daughter. He should tell her - there is plenty of my love to go around. If you can't share me than you don't get ANY of me.
Good luck!
My SS was always off the hook
My SS was always off the hook when DH was home and DH would never do anything about it for fear of SS not wanting to come back over. It would drive me nuts! Finally I had our first child...and at 4 weeks of age my DH started a new job that was 3rd shift to start. So it would be me, a new born, and 3 step kids every day. I tell you that child had a come to Jesus moment when my DH left for work that first night. I made it real clear from the get go that if you're going to make me miserable I'll make you MORE miserable than I. Chores were done the first time I asked, everyone had something to do to pitch in, homework was done when I asked and manners were ALWAYS expected. I wasn't mean but I was firm. I started noticing right away that the moment DH walked back in the door the old behaviors started. So you know what I did? I kept track and when DH left I handed out the sentancing for those behaviors. It worked...once SS knew he wasn't getting away with it anymore it calmed down real fast
Both of my skids are better
Both of my skids are better with just me, little to no complaining, no dropping hints that they want to spend our money on something useless, chores get done with little to no procrastination, have open and much more truthful discussions about what's going on in there life. They actually listen to my advice and willingly take any punishment given to them... The list goes on lol