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Evil SM says she'll be "grandma" to my kids...

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 7:38pm

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My SM - who I detest as much as you can detest someone - has a history of over stepping her boundaries. Pretty much she doesn't think boundaries apply to her because she's super controlling and manipulative.

I had my niece at my place last summer. My (full) brother hates our father and he hates our father's wife even more. If our SM were on fire, my brother would bring gasoline. My niece is my brother's daughter.

My niece met our father, her grandfather, for the first time and his wife (our SM). My SM insisted my niece call her 'grandma.'

My SM has never been a 'mom' in any sense to my brother and I. She has never tried to love us, be humanly decent to us, and has always done/said horrible things to us.

When my SM called herself my niece's 'grandmother' on FB, I corrected her... And, then got bitched out by my 17 year old (half) sister for it. I'm 34.

I informed my sister that her mother is not the grandmother to our brother's daughter and she isn't going to be 'grandma' to my future kids. My sister says I should change my mind! My sister has NO clue about my upbringing, either. Our father used to beat the crap out of my mother in front of me and so on - now he's a spineless wimp to his domineering wife.

As anyone ever dealt with this?

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 8:43pm

Yeah, I figure... But, I got a thick skin and if people read my other post about my SM, they'd know why I detest her.

WitchiePoo's picture

Submitted by WitchiePoo on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 8:42pm

I am a SM and I guess I technically have a SM. I hate her and she hates me. But the situation is very different than mine because my "SM" is only 3 yrs older than I am. Lol. She and I have never gotten along. I ignore her and my father, who can't stand up to her about anything. Unfortunately, I have no relationship with them, however my life is better for it.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 9:02pm

So, I guess if he beat his new wife all would be ok? It seems you are carrying anger towards your father because of what happened with your mother. If so, then maybe you need to move on instead.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 9:06pm

I'm sorry you had to witness that happening to your mom Sad

I just read your post on another blog about how your SM has contributed to two of her father's divorces. She sounds like a piece of work.

I'm 33 and would not be thrilled about some teenager b*tching at me on Facebook either.

I was not in this exact situation but I did have to cut my dad and stepmother out of my life for awhile...my stepmother is the woman who tried to alienate me from my own mom, gossiped about me when she knew I was in earshot, berated me, and berates my father to this day. And because my father refused to stand up to her, I cut them both out of my life for a few years until I was ready to re-engage.

I think that it might be best for you in the long run if you follow your brother's lead regarding cutting them out of your life. And cut their daughter out of your life too. Your Dad and SM sound like toxic people at best and their daughter sounds clueless.

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 9:41pm

Sounds like we had the same SM.

After all the years of my SM pushing me out of her life and my father's life... Now, she's trying to force her way back in.

She started her usual crap with snide, out of the blue comments on my sister's FB directed towards me... I blocked her.

I don't get it. She always has an agenda.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 10:10pm

So if your father and SM are horrible people why in the hell do you have anything to do with them?

You are a grown woman and can control who you have to see.

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Sat, 02/02/2013 - 2:05pm

Exactly!!

The sense of entitlement after all the ugly she's intentionally done (that my sister has NO clue about because she thinks her mother is perfect and God-like) is what I find the most amusing and annoying.

She's always had this entitled, "I'm better than you" attitude. When she tried forcing me at 14 to call her "mum," and I wouldn't...It got so much worse. It didn't mean I didn't try to accept her - she made my dad the happiest he'd ever been in his life, it just meant I didn't feel it. And, I never asked or expected her to love me like I was her own kid. I knew and know that isn't a reality for most stepparents.

My sister is really sheltered and thinks everything is glitter and sparkles. My sister is the one always bringing up her mother to me and I tell her that's a subject we need to avoid. I don't want to tell my sister what life with her mother was like and I won't lie either.

Thank you for your comments.

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Sat, 02/02/2013 - 2:47pm

Thank you for sharing.

My parents should have never been married to each other. They were toxic to each other and abusive to each other. My BM was no saint. My father was young, in the Navy, and getting married was what you did. My BM wanted out of her mother's house. So, they married.

I think my father did change and I know he regrets my childhood and my brother's. I'm happy he's changed, he's happy with his wife, and that his life is pretty good. He worked hard and was extremely abused by his father as a child.

My father wants a relationship with me now and he gets that I don't want one with his wife. It's not an option for me. But, I know deep down he thinks I'll change my mind. I won't.