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How TF do you cook a turkey......

iamlosingit's picture

Grandma pulled her last card and won. She said if I don't take mom and brother she is leaving them at home by themselves and hopefully my father will come over to watch them. (I called him and he has no idea what is going on and hasn't been informed on anything)
I can't leave my mom alone with my brother, she went nuts not even a month ago and attacked him, he had to block her hits and go into the bathroom to get away from her. Two hours later she had no idea what she had done. I can't leave them alone by themselves, I'm worried about my brother's safety. We also had another turn of events, DH grandmother and his sister were supposed to drive to Texas to see family. SIL almost cut her finger off trying to open a can of black beans with a fork...6 stitches later she can't drive and her son only has a permit that isn't valid in all of the states they have to drive through so now they have nothing to do. They asked if they could join us. DH grandma and mom are beyond excited. DH mom told me to host it at our house and to bring my mom and brother, she said if mom acts up she would love to "put her in her place". My dad said if I had it at our house he would contribute to the food costs. Now everyone is excited about this except me. Maybe this can be my "good deed" for the year. I have a 1/2 gallon of wine hiding on our patio. I'm not sharing. I honestly wouldn't have done it but Dh mom insisted, she said it's the holidays and if mom goes nuts there are enough of us there to handle it. She also brought up a good point and said we have no issues calling the cops if needed and maybe then mom will get the help she needs.
SO....now I have 3 days to plan, cook, and shop.
I told everyone I'm not cleaning, there will be food and football. If they don't like it, tough. My cousin has had a month to plan her "perfect holiday" and I get not even 3 days? F it.
Anybody have a dry rub turkey recipe? We do not have a deep fryer or a smoker. My grandma's turkeys were always dry. Ew.

Comments

FrenchPeas's picture

Get a Reynolds Turkey baking bake. Never dry. Follow the instructions. Best turkey you’ll ever have. Do it every year!

Peridwen's picture

Get the Reynolds wrap oven bags! Extra large size. They trap all the moisture in with the turkey and it comes out wonderfully moist without having to baste it at all. Honestly until I was in college I didn’t know you could deep fry a whole turkey. My family always did oven-baked. Pick it up today or if you can get a raw one instead of frozen, because those suckers take a day or two to thaw completely. It takes a couple hours in the oven, but you should be able to google cook times by poundage.

FrenchPeas's picture

It has all the instructions. You’ll brush oil and salt on the bird. Put a couple of table spoons of flour in the bottom of the bag. It’s super easy and comes out perfect.

iamlosingit's picture

I should also add I hate stuffing. I was thinking of stuffing it with citrus, sage, and onions but I don't know what to season the skin with.

FrenchPeas's picture

The Pepperidge farm stuffing mix is awesome. And easy too. We are in the south so we do cornbread dressing. Both are excellent options

stepmomof1biomomof1's picture

What about asking everyone to bring something? A woman I work with doesn't want to cook a traditional meal so she is doing appetizers and deserts.

iamlosingit's picture

SIL had no plans to cook anything, she is simply showing up with her husband and one of their children(also she claims she can't cook with her hand), Dh grandma wants to bring pies, my dad is helping to pay but said in return he doesn't want to cook, MIL just wants to show up and asked if she can wear PJ's...I know it isn't all about appearances but not only is this our first time hosting a holiday but it is our first holiday in our new house. I'm a little bummed that I didn't get the time to plan and prepare like my selfish cousin did. Not expecting perfection at all, but at least another week would have been SO nice.

ESMOD's picture

Number one rule. don't panic. My DH and I put together a thanksgiving meal from scratch one year when his workers had nowhere to go.. so it was 10 of us and we shopped for everything at our local grocery store that morning!!!

So, make things simple as possible for yourself.

There are brown and serve rolls.. easy
You can buy refrigerated mashed potatoes.. again easy.
You can buy jarred gravy.. (even canned campbells is decent)
Buy canned cranberry jelly
Canned green beans.. or frozen broccoli.. even a couple of salad kits from the produce aisle.
Boxed or bag stuffing is a snap and bake it separate from turkey in a pan in the oven for best results and less worry of not getting turkey properly cooked through.
Get a small selection of cheese and crackers.. perhaps a bag of precooked shrimp and a jar of cocktail sauce for easy nibbles. a can of nuts in a pretty dish.
Desserts are simple too. all stores have inhouse bakeries.. get an apple and a pumpking pie. done

Now for the turkey... depending on budget vs convenience.. lots of places sell turkey already cooked. Barring that, turkey is fairly cheap this time of year. Frozen is cheaper BUT... you need to get one asap and make sure it has time to defrost in the fridge before cooking. Fresh means that is not a worry.

There are all sorts of special recipes for brining (basically soaking in a salt water solution etc..) but honestly, you don't need to do that. may not be quite as juicy as one that is, but less risk of screwing it up. I found a "rotisserie chicken" seasoning in the spice aisle and that has great flavor for poultry. Typical flavorings would include sage, garlic, thyme, pepper and salt otherwise. Rub turkey with oil and sprinkle over and inside (REMOVE package of innards!). package should have good directions for time and oven temp. also the baking bag will help it be moister too. Rubbing seasoned butter between skin and meat before cooking is also tasty.

bananaseedo's picture

Pre-made for the turkey might be your best option- since you still have to clean/side dishes, set up.

I haven't tried the bag method! WE normally do Gordon Ramsey's christmas turkey recipe. I'll admit it comes out absolutely to DIE for but it IS a lot of work/basting, etc. This year we're doing a ham, eff it lol

hereiam's picture

They all want the traditional meal but they also don't want to cook it.

It is very nice of you to host, especially last minute, so don't let anybody bully you. Serve what YOU want to serve. If nobody is willing to do any of the cooking, they get what they get and should be glad for it (whether you cook or order in).

I kind of got roped into hosting this year, myself. DH and I were just going to host ourselves and had not planned on a traditional meal AT ALL. My sister said her fiance will smoke a turkey and she will cook everything else and bring to my house (since it's got more room than her place) so, I agreed. Of course, I'll cook and bake something but it will be my choice. My nephew, his wife, and their baby are living with my sister right now, so they will be coming, as well. I do love babies (and she is adorable)!

Otherwise, they could still come over but they would be getting what DH and I planned in the first place, brunch (stuffed french toast, egg and bacon/sausage casserole, etc.) followed by finger foods to munch on the rest of the day.

You have enough stress to deal with, don't stress about the food.

iamlosingit's picture

okay I just found a Turkey recipe from GORDON RAMSEY!!! I LOVE Gordon Ramsey!! And I think this thanksgiving if people don't like my food I can kindly tell them to "EFF OFF!" Wink Blum 3
However I am SO intrigued by the Alton Brown recipe above....what do you guys think?

Gordon Ramsey
http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/recipes/510522/gordon-ramsay-s-roast-turkey-...

lieutenant_dad Gimlet anyone, thoughts?? I'm kind of excited but still panicking lol

bananaseedo's picture

Yep, that's the one I was mentioning. BUT, I would completely omit the garlic. I've made this recipe many times, no garlic. Garlic is extremely strong and will 'kill' the flavor in turkey. THe onions I would use only quartered inside the cavity. Again, no garlic.

I wonder if you could use this recipe (minus bacon) and use the bag?

I remember using a ton of butter/olive oil/lemon juice and zest and parsley/salt pepper. Then put what you want in the cavity, onion, lemons, maybe a carrot, etc...

lieutenant_dad's picture

I am an Alton Brown girl myself, but I will admit that the brining would need to happen tomorrow night if you plan on eating Thanksgiving, so you need to prepare it tonight so it can cool in the fridge.

Also, if you haven't put together your menu, a few ideas:

- Stuffing: Buy Stovetop, use chicken broth, and add some chopped celery and onion. Prep time is maybe 10-15 minutes, and bake in the oven until firm (30ish minutes).

- Mac and Cheese: Cook and drain noodles, put in crock pot with butter, cream, shredded sharp cheddar, colby jack, and a little swiss cheese, and cream cheese. Stir and cook until hot and creamy. Prep time is 15-20, cook time is going to be 2ish hours.

- Sweet Potato Casserole: Drain liquid from canned yams and heat yams in a pan. Add some butter, a little cream, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Mix and mash it all together. Put in a baking dish, put some pecans or marshmallows on top, and throw in the over to brown on top. Total prep time is less than 15 minutes, and cooking about 15-20 more.

- Corn: Frozen corn, butter, salt, and a dash of sugar. 10 minutes max.

- Mashed Potatoes: Use red or yellow potatoes and keep the skins on. Cut in quarters, boil 20 minutes or until soft, and mash in butter, cream (pour in slowly and stir each time so you don't over-soak), a little cream cheese, garlic salt, and pepper. 30 minutes tops to make.

- Gravy: Whisk together some flour and water/broth/cream until there are no clumps and it's the consistency of glue (maybe a bit thinner). Pour and whisk into turkey juice from the cooked turkey. 5-10 minutes.

- Pie: Unless you like baking, just buy one from the grocery store.

- Cranberry Sauce: Your grocery deli counter probably has some premade. Buy that.

- Rolls: Buy King's Hawaiian. They are soft and sweet, and pretty cheap to boot.

SMto2's picture

I can't agree enough on the Reynolds Turkey Bag! The bags are truly fail-proof. Makes the juiciest turkey you've ever had in your life, and clean-up is easy peasy. Grab one of those and sit back and wait for the compliments!! And Happy Thanksgiving!!