My brother, the stepchild
My parents divorced 18 years ago. My father remarried 14 years ago and my mother remarried 12 years ago. Our stepparents have been in our lives a very long time. I get along with both. I have good boundaries with them, I am polite and I would even say I am close to both. They are very good for my parents and I appreciate them for that and more. They are not my parents, but they are an extra relationship that I get to have because they are solid supports and good people for my parents.
My brother, I have always known, does not feel the same way about my stepparents. And it all came to a head the other day when he straight up asked me "what do you think about SM?" I said "in what way?" And he went off.
He hates that he can't just show up at my Dad's door unannounced anymore. He hates that my Dad asks his wife/SM before committing to plans. He is jealous that SM spends more time with her own grandkids than with my brother's kids, but does not stop my Dad from spending time with his children/my Dad's grandchildren.
Then he goes on to say that she barely says anything to my brother or his wife when they are around and that he has witnessed my Dad get frustrated with her not understanding something he was trying to say, as if that's evidence of a bad marriage. I said that's common in all marriages! He didn't like that.
We were adults when my parents divorced and no one else was in the picture for about a year after the divorce. My brother goes on to say, ever since dad met *her* I have to call before I come over, like to make an appointment with my Dad. I shoudn't have to make an appointment with my Dad.
I tell him that's exactly what I do, because it's my Dad's house and SM's house, not mine. I also call Mom before coming over and see what works for them. My brother also has issues with my SF. He thinks he should be retired by now, shouldn't be golfing as much -- my brother has the favored child who judges everyone syndrome. So it's not just SM. He's difficult with SF too.
My brother and his wife, before they were married, were also pretty petty and mean girls-ish to my SM early on in their relationship. One time he told her she looked like a crackwhore at my birthday dinner because she hadn't dried her hair. She greeted me and had said "I am sorry I have wet hair" to me and my brother piped up and under his breath but loud enough to be heard "She looks like a crack whore". His wife laughed and nodded, smiling at him. My jaw hit the ground and I turned to my SM and hugged her and said "Thank you for rushing out the door to be here for my birthday dinner. I would have wet hair myself if I had bothered to wash it." We laughed and she squeezed me tight.
I am certain, *CERTAIN* she has never forgotten those kinds of comments my mean girl brother tends to make. I am certain she is quite disengaged. And I am certain it drives my "favorite child" brother crazy.
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Comments
I think if someone has either
I think if someone has either an entitled or victim view they're going to complain like this no matter what.
Definitely entitled and
Definitely entitled and somewhat victim, yes. He really wanted to talk about their estate planning and wills. I shut that down and said it's normal to leave money for your spouse's lifetime needs before children. Beyond that it feels icky to me to talk about other people's estates.
He has apparently had those conversations at length with at least my Mom and tried to convince my mother to leave things a certain way.
Your brother just sees his stepparents as leeches
Off his potential future inheritance. Because of them it won’t fully go to him.
No doubt he’d give an ultimatum. Stepparents aren’t acknowledged as your bio parents partners now
Skids like your brother are
Skids like your brother are why this site exists. What kind of jerk says his stepmother looks like a crack whore in private, let alone when she's in earshot? Sadly, he's doing a disservice not only to the stepparents but to your parents, as well. I hope more adult stepkids are like you than your brother.
I sat there and thought about
I sat there and thought about this site as he talked. He's definitely an example of why this site exists.
Well, I haven't called her a
Well, I haven't called her a crackwhore but I have a pet nickname for her... However, she is NOT my Stepmother, she is my Father's Wife. I was raised with manners though & as my Father's Wife, she is his choice & I must respect that. I intensely dislike her but I provide her an all-expenses-paid vacation every 3 years, to see my Father...
Men, the weaker sex?
Hm. My parents split when we were adults, too. My brother already wasn't speaking to my dad. He never met my dad's second wife, my stepmother (I won't call her "our" stepmother since he never knew her). For the record she was a very nice lady and a great grandmother to DS while she was alive (unfortunately for all of us she died).
My brother's children have met my dad once, when they were early teens. My brother says he doesn't have any animosity toward my dad, but they have NO relationship. Nothing. My SIL is the one who sends my dad pics and makes sure the kids send thank you notes for the gifts he sends them. For whatever reason, my brother and my dad cannot apologize for their parts (equal) in their rift. After 20+ years.
My mom never remarried. I predict that if she had when my brother was younger, he would have been just as difficult as your brother.