Prenuptial Agreements

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I am wondering you guys's opinions on this topic in general.
Did you or would you sign a prenuptial agreement before getting married?
If so, why? Did it cause any turmoil in the relationship bringing it up or coming to an agreement on it?

I know my current relationship is pretty much over with regardless of the matter, some of you guys know about it, but it was yet another thing we disagree on, so it has been brought to my attention that this may be a potential problem for me in the future for whomever I do end up marrying.

If you do want to hear my scenario here it is, or you can just answer the above question if you are over hearing about what a dickhead my FDH is...
Basically, my FDH has a business worth about 100K and it is growing. He worked hard for it and doesn't have any formal education. He has a 5 yr old daughter from a previous relationship.
I have a BA, have made a lot of money in my life but have lived a lot and traveled a lot and spent the majority of it. I am still young and know I will not have any problem making more money, and am now ready to start saving and buy a house. I come from an upper middle class family that can and will always help me out if I need it.

Basically FDH has told me he wants me to sign a prenup because his business is all his and his hard work, and he will later give it to his daughter.

I told him I would never sign a prenup with anybody because that is like planning the divorce before we even get married. My parents have been married more than 30 years and I will do all I can to never get divorced.

I also said that in this particular scenario, that is not fair that he would give all of the business to his daughter since we had been planning to have kids. What about our kids? He said me and him will have to work and pay for them when that time comes.
He proceeded to tell me I am trying to take his business and his money from him and it doesn't matter if we get married whats his is his. He said I must be trying to take his money from him by marrying him. I told him among other things that if I wanted to marry for money I would have marrying the millionaire that previously wanted to marry me, and it is absurd for him to accuse me of that because he doesn't even have all that much anyways.
Nevermind the fact that I was doing his visa papers to move to America, right? (sarcasm) I didn't even bring it up because I knew he would just say that the two subjects are not related.. And this fight started when I invited to pay for us to go out to dinner to a nice restaurant tomorrow night....

God I can't wait for my departure date!! :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

A prenup is always a good

A prenup is always a good idea.

Don't think of it as a prelude to divorce. Death might be the reason to invoke the terms.

Because that man you are with right now needs "killin".

^^This^^ "Your problem isn't

^^This^^
"Your problem isn't whether to get a pre nup or not, your problem is you've attached yourself to an asshole." This is perfection!

Echo for President!

"I told him I would never

"I told him I would never sign a prenup with anybody because that is like planning the divorce before we even get married. My parents have been married more than 30 years and I will do all I can to never get divorced."

While YOU may do all you can to never get divorced, you can not control your future husband's actions. Five, ten, fifteen years from now, he may want a divorce, and there is nothing you can do to stop him.

You can't stop him from cheating on you, from having a mid-life crisis, from becoming a drunk, an abuser, etc. etc. I doubt you'd still want to stay married to someone under those circumstances. And while no one gets married thinking that one day they'll get divorced, planning for the worse case scenario is called being prepared.

That's not to say you have to agree to whatever terms are in the pre-nup, I'm just saying thinking that a pre-nup means planning for divorce is the wrong way to look at it.

Yep, he's an asshole. And not

Yep, he's an asshole. And not because of the pre nup...

If I had something to take, I would want a prenup. Esp if my new beauhad an ex wife and kids, or even a ex gf and kids. In that situation, you could take the side of protecting YOURSELF and your future children. Who knows, his business could crumble next year, and you would have to support him, and lose anything u could have handed down, to him.

You just never know what is coming, and who's going to bring it.

"But lets say you get married

"But lets say you get married and over the 25 years of your marriage the business grows to 100mill. Now, it is fair and right for that to be "protected", lets say he decides to throw you over for a cute 21yo who files at his office. He should have all the value of that and you have nothing? And lets say he died 5 years later and that business then passes to SD but not the three kids you had together?"

I didn't understand this part of your post, Cheri, can you explain? Is this what happens if you do sign a prenup or are you saying that regardless of signing a prenup or not, the assets aquired after getting married become "ours"?

And I totally agree with your main point there and you put it in better words than me, this is both of our first marriage and we are young and I feel it should be entered fully to each other. I can't really say how I might feel in 20 years and it might change but I feel very strongly about it now.

Again, this is regardless of whether it this FDH or a non asshole guy.

I would not only not sign it,

I would not only not sign it, but I would never even consider it, and if the matter were pressed as a requirement by my fiancee, I would walk. Walk without looking back.

i would sign it ONLY if it

i would sign it ONLY if it went along the lines that CheriWilson outlined. no way would my potential children be disinherited before they were even born!

I am on the other end of your

I am on the other end of your problem. I am the one who earned money and have businesses and physical real estate assets that I do not want going to DH when I die because it will go to SS, and if DH dies and SS is a minor, guess who will control his portion of the estate? BM.

So fuck no. I got a prenup, wouldn't have married without one. It acts as a will in lieu of a formal will.

Think of it this way, when you buy your house in marriage, would you want it to go to your skids? If you don't, you damn well need to make sure you have an ironclad prenup and will.

Me too. I'm the one with

Me too. I'm the one with assets. DH is the one with debt. If we were to divorce (and I've threatened it over, you guessed it, his kids -- or rather his Disney Dad syndrome), anything I owned prior to our marriage stays with me. And I don't go to the poorhouse paying off debt I didn't create. I asked DH to do one, and he easily agreed. Which surprised me a bit, because HE is the romantic one and I am the practical one.

Prenups make good sense when there is any money (real estate, etc.) of substance involved. Work with a good attorney and sign the prenup. THEN go have a nice dinner, a few drinks, and hot sex. THAT's the romantic part.

I don't think I would mind

I don't think I would mind signing the prenup if you weren't planning on having kids with him, but you say you are. I think it's a little disturbing he plans on giving his kid everything but is not even taking into consideration the children you plan on having together. I'm no legal expert, but is there a way it could state that his money will be divided among all his children (even the ones who aren't born yet)? Not sure if that is possible or not.. I would definitely not be comfortable with that if I were you.

That would be something that

That would be something that I would at least see the logic in, stating that the money would be divided among all of his kids equally. But still, I dont think it would really change my mind on my feelings that I wouldnt sign a prenup no matter what. If it was a normal thing then I think it would be a legal part of marriage and since its not then I just wouldnt do it..
I do appreciate others views on this, like I said I have been in other relationships and I actually was engaged before but I never even thought about what I would do if someone asked me to sign one. All I can say is it was pretty mortifying.

Yea, like I said I very well

Yea, like I said I very well might change my mind further down the line. I know that s#*t happens and you can never predict the future.
But right now I just really feel strongly that if I don't trust the person enough to NOT screw me over/walk out on me/beat me/cheat on me/take all my money/etc then I just wouldnt marry them. If I was older like you said and had all of those assets (or if I was a millionaire now) and I wasn't 100% sure that I really trusted the man I was in love with, then I would just be girlfriend/boyfriend and live together. Nothing wrong with not taking that extra step.
At least thats what I think now..

Yea, like I said I very well

Reading post like this one

Reading post like this one just pisses me off. What exactly is this man's thought process? He was divorced, had a child from previous marriage, and he believes he can just tell his next wife, "Guess what? I will leave all my money to my kid and your job is to take care of the family and YOUR future kid, if you don't agree with this term, you are the shallow one."

OP, come on, wake up. When somebody show you loud and clear who they are, believe them. At the very least, this person is not sneaky. He already told you who he is, selfish, delusional, want to have the cake and eat it too A-hole.

He can live happily ever after with his daughter. He does not deserve a second wife or a second child. Period.

Yup. I totally agree with

Yup. I totally agree with this. And the even more frustrating thing is that essentially if he leaves it to SD then really it is going to BM, if not directly then at the very least indirectly. NOT OK! He is retarded and yea, if and when I do leave he will probably either end up alone or with a doormat because I dont see any self respecting woman putting up with his shit.

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