Why do you want him to think of them as his children too? Hand on heart, if you asked them would they really say they feel they are his children after only 7 years? You do not say which age your two are but they were not babies when you guys got together.

I would be more upset with him only leaving you 25% and his kids getting 75% of his assets. It would be more understandable if they were young, and he had to plan for someone to care for them, but they are not, and he needs to look after YOU if he passes.

50-50 its fair! A probate judge would say "the business would be joint property because of common law (residing together for more than 5 years)." so in reality, your entitled to 50% of the business because you have been residing together in a common law marriage. This is depending upon the state in which you reside in.

Good luck!

I completely understand what you're going through. My Dh and I have been together for 9 years and my kids see him as their dad. However, the family politics involved would never allow him to leave them anything in his will. His 1st wife passed away and had family money and their kids are all up in arms about me or my kids getting any of their mom's money. But their take on "their mom's money" is essentially anything their parents had since my Dh inherited all of his wife's assets when she passed away. Some assets were placed into a trust that will go 100% to his kids. This was all set up in the 1st wife's estate. Anything that might be left to my kids will be nothing compared to this. He has barely paid off the loans he took out for medical bills but his kids have huge stock portfolios that they will inherit and the house (once I pass).

Dh wanted to adopt my kids but his kids had a hissy fit over it because of the implications for inheritance. Any money he gives them (like for college) becomes a dispute and accusations that Dh is giving his 1st wife's money to my kids. Everything becomes an argument about money - which my skids aren't lacking. They're all doing very well and don't need this money.

As my kids are getting older, they are beginning to understand the difference between Dh's biokids and them. His kids got to go to great colleges with money left by their BM and my kids can't afford it nor ask my DH for any money. The skids are asses who refused to speak to their dad for 5 years after we got married and refuse to acknowledge me or my kids and have been incredibly mean and nasty to them. But they are the ones who will be receiving most of my Dh's assets despite how they have acted.

I can't imagine how they will feel when they realize how unfair this is and how they will be getting nothing despite being so much better than their stepsiblings and far more a part of Dh's life. But they biologically aren't his, so they get nothing.

You suggest that it isn't the amount they are given but rather the fact that they are not included that bothers you and will probably hurt them after your husbands passing, but if he did leave them a small amount, say 10 percent, do you think that they would honestly feel like your FDH loved them as much as his own kids when they find out his bio kids are getting 75 percent?

Maybe it is like christag's situation and he isn't including them because of how he thinks his bio kids will react when they find out they will have to share daddy's money with their step brothers/sisters.

I think this is tough but as long as he takes care of you, he is doing his part as YOUR husband.

I do not think you should have to leave your skids anything, or treat them like you do your own bios. Same for DH.

My stepdad has been in my life for 21 years. I lived with him during the school week. He has kids. I'm very close with him. However, I won't be getting anything from him when he dies and I'm fine with that. My stepsiblings won't be getting anything from my mom either. However, my stepsiblings' kids will get stuff from my mom. She is one of their grandmas. She loves them to pieces.

I think it'd be worthwhile to see how your kids feel about this. They might be as sad as you think they might be, or they just might be ok with it.

i have a similar situation with my partner. He has equity in his home and i have no assets, apart from land we have purchased together to build a home on in the next yr. He also wants a pre-nup and states when he dies his children will inherit all his assets, i will get any equity in the house when we build it together which i have acrude over the yrs, so basically if he dies im not going to be provided for. I have substantial life insurance and pension (worth more than his) and said whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Its upset me a great deal to know that when our homes built if he dies i would have to sell it to pay his kids , be potentially homeless, but thats what he wants, think this is because the first wife burnt him bad.

We did a prenup which acts like a will. By FDH's own choice, everything (although it is all in my name anyway as I am the breadwinner of the house... He just breaks even on his expenses) that SS receives 1k total in the event of his death right now, tangible personal items go half to me, half to his brother, and all other things, including finances of which there are currently none, go to me.

Family inheritances of mine will go to our children (if we have any, if not, they go to my sister) provided they are not jackasses (meaning no criminal record, school full time or job full time or part time for both, and have not acted in morally questionable ways) in which case their inheritance would be split between FDH, them, my sister, and a charity of FDH's choice. I'd disinherit my own children if they ended up being leeches on society and their father and aunt shall be the executor of their estate. FDHand future children will split my savings. Kids will begin receiving their inheritance from age 21 provided my conditions are met until it is fully executed at 35. If not, they have until 45 to redeem themselves, otherwise, goodbye inheritence.

FDH will probably give one life insurance policy for SS, and nothing else whatsoever for the time being, as we don't know what kind of relationship we would have with him so far.

If we both die at the same time, and we have kids, it all goes to our kids except for a small sum to SS. If we don't they go to our respective siblings.

This is our baseline for now and it may change in five, ten, fifteen, twenty years depending on our relationships with our kids, SS, siblings, etc. I think of a will as the most recent wishes, not as the last.

Very interesting topic. Personally, I would rather swallow glass than see either of my skids receive one penny from me. DW has made it clear that she expects them to inherit our assets eventually. We have no bio-kids of our own, and I guess she thinks that she should get 100% of my assets, which she could then pass on to her kids.

I haven't figured out how I'm going to do it, but I will NOT allow her kids to get anything from me. I'd rather it be given to a charity than to end up with those freaking leeches. I'm leaning towards setting up a springing trust that will come into existence at my death, and will which would receive all of my assets, including my life insurance. The trust would give $100 to each skid, so they could not contest the will on the grounds that they were "forgotten." The trustee would then be charged with providing for my DW according to some very strict rules that would preclude her from transferring money to the skids.

Unfortunately, I will probably have to do this in secret, because there is no way that DW would ever agree to something like this. I don't think that she could elect against the will if everything goes into the trust. I suppose that I might not be able to put the house into the trust, since she is on the deed, but I think that everything else would be fair game.

Thank you, OP for bringing up this topic and thank you to everyone for responding.

I have two sets of skids. My skids from my eXDH whom I helped raise for 15 years, and skids with FDH. FDH and I have been together for 3 years. FDH seems to think that HIS kids should be included in my estate plan but not my skids from my ex.

Personally, I'm inclined to leave my estate to the neighbor kid's hamster.

Wow, I have never thought of this before. Right now my fiancee is the only one working in our home. If he DIES, I know right now anything he's got in 401k or life ins. would go to his son. I have to make sure that when we get married that gets changed over to at least 50% to me. I don't care if he leaves anything to my kids or not. Plus it makes you think, omg, what if he died like "now" God forbid. I don't wanna keep ss8, i'd rather he went back to his grandparents, I can't raise him with my 2 kids on my own and honestly wouldn't want to. very important things to think about when in a blended family!!!

I just got done going through this process with my husband (whose previous wife took everything as well.) First off: GET YOUR OWN ATTORNEY. I can't stress that enough. You can make him pay for it--that's pretty standard.

Here's a few things to ask for:

1. The percentage you get of your husband's estate should increase by a certain amount each year or every 5 years (every 5 years is standard.) Make sure to account for inflation when you calculate the amount it's increasing.

2. Your husband should maintain a life insurance policy that will pay out to you immediately if he dies. Premiums for life insurance policies are low at your age, so you can get big rewards for little hassle.

3. Put it in writing that your estates are separate, and save as much of your salary as you can in a separate account, over the years. Find a way to use your husband's credit card to pay for big purchases, but of course, be fair and use yours a lot of the time, too.

4. Rest assured that if there's a big income discrepancy you will get a big chunk of your husband's social security when the time comes for you to retire. Check your state laws to confirm.

5. When you have separate estates and big income discrepancies, it's common to set up a "joint investment account" where the wealthier of the parties inputs a little money each year, you make decisions on how to invest it together, and split it when the time comes for retirement. This way, you get a little extra money for retirement. Just make sure you always have access to the account and check it regularly.