DH's entire family had Thanksgiving with BM
DH, DD4, and I had Thanksgiving together, which was really nice. SS13 decided to stay with BM, even though it was his year (the only time ever) that he was supposed to be with us. Apparently DH's entire family (mother, sister, brother in law, sister in law, and two nieces) had Thanksgiving at BM's house. I kid you not.
I am not sure why this bothers me so much. DH's family CLEARLY had some real issues before I even came into the picture. DH has been really taken advantage of by most of his family - he is not very close with his sister - although her husband was one of his friends before the two even met. His father passed away and he hasn't really been in contact with his mother for about a year since she badmouthed him to me and my mother on separate occasions. His sister in law and brother are getting divorced and DH doesn't want to be around her and her grown daughters. On top of it - all of them are supposedly Jehovah's Witnesses and so never celebrated the holidays before. So - really these are all people that we probably wouldn't be spending the holiday with anyhow. It does still really bother me that they went to BM's house this year and last for the holidays. To me, this is a clear statement that they still accept her as family, but that I am not. We do live an hour away, but his mother and sister have never even been to our house. I can't do anything about it, but I can't wait for the opportunity to ask his sister if her husband's family has holidays with his ex 
His ex gave her the same type of problems that we get with BM.
DH just says that his family is nuts and that he is happier not having them around. I guess we just came from totally different families. Mine is pretty close, we always talk and let each other know if something is out of line or bothering us, and we totally protect each other. Oh well, DH is right. His family all talk badly about each other (including BM), even to me and my mother, but then try to act as though "they don't want to get involved". The women in that family are INSANELY needy and play the victim role 24/7. You'd think they couldn't do anything for themselves without a man's help. They don't even know what to do with me since I make more money than DH and own my own home. Very wierd.
I would listen to your DH.
I would listen to your DH. He knows his family is nuts and he is happier away from them. You'll be better off.
You are right - I've been
You are right - I've been trying to figure out why this irks me so badly and really, it boils down to my own insecurities. BM and DH have kids together and DH and I can never have kids since he was fixed. That doesn't really bother me since we are both 40 year old or close to it and are happy with DD4 (her father passed away and she ADORES DH). We also like having quiet time together, traveling, and doing stuff that you really can't do with a baby. DH gets along great with my family and so we have plenty of fun extended family time.
I also really don't like his family and wouldn't choose to spend time with them anyways. What this is about is that I feel like I will never be DH's REAL wife or that I'll always be second best. I know that DH doesn't feel that way. He doesn't like BM at all, always says things would never have worked out with them, she is looking terrible, she's crazy and lazy, and on and on. I feel very secure with him. So really, who cares how anyone else views me and my relationship with DH? Gotta keep reminding myself that and just let DH and I create our own family/be happy in our own way:)
RedSonya, my in laws have BM
RedSonya, my in laws have BM over EVERY Holiday. Thanksgiving, Xmas, New YEars, Mother's Day, Easter. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is a slap in the face. Like yourself, we are better off without them, but it doesn't make the sting any less tough to bear. My DH hasn't spoken to his family in 2 years. I saw a post on BMs wall from SIL that said "Thank you for always showing us unconditional love and keeping the tradition of spending the holidays with us." I wanted to puke. Like you said, it is CLEAR that they have chosen to show her loyalty over my DH. One day, when I was heartbroken over their treatment of me he said "She can have my family, you have me." That made it all better.
That is horrible Un - I am so
That is horrible Un - I am so sorry. I agree - given the choice, I wouldn't want to spend any time with them either, but it does still hurt. My DH told his brother that his mom and sister "bet on the wrong horse" because his mom ALWAYS needs something and is getting older. I am the first one to jump in and help out with my family and took care of my first DH on hospice. His ex is unbelievably selfish and lazy. She will NEVER help out his mother. So I hope the holidays with BM are worth it, because she is going to be all alone when she really needs something.
As far as his sister - she is just like BM. No education, no career, no travel, can't support herself. I think she is jealous of our lifestyle and her hubby lives off of unemployment most of the time. She is more comfortable with BM who is broke too. The sister in law used to really like me, but I am a fixer, not a complainer. After the 100th suggestion on how to change things when she would complain to me about her life, her finances, and her husband (DH's brother), she turned her back on me and chose BM who lets her drone on and on complaining because BM likes to do the same thing:) I bet there are similar dynamics going on with your DH's family.
VERY similar dynamics. DHs
VERY similar dynamics. DHs complete life changed when we met. I am also a fixer and a doer. I work hard and like nice things. Our home is warm and inviting. BM is a slob. Her finances are a mess but she wears Gucci bags. Same goes for my SIL. She'll travel all over the place but has creditors chasing after her 24/7. They are cut from the same cloth. You know the saying "Birds of a feather flock together" so they are made for each other. These are not people that I would want to have around me anyway, but family is family and the fact that they have treated us so poorly speaks volumes. They too have bet on the wrong horse. My DH is kind and gentle and it saddens me that HIS family treats him that way, hell, he might as well be an orphan. My family has embraced him, they treat him with love and kindness. They too are all a little baffled at how he could be related to such losers. His older sister, in her 50's is homeless. Lives at MILs apartment with her pregnant 21 year old daughter. They are pathetic and incredibly low class, I have to keep reminding myself of that whenever I get my feelings hurt by their actions.