drama continues- SD15 tried to kill herself at our house over the summer
:jawdrop:
Thats good to know. She came over yesterday- FDH was soooooooo happy. I even sat at the table with everyone for dinner, didn't say much but I showed "effort" so FDH was thought the night went perfectly. After dinner I went to watch tv in my room and FDH was no where to be found, I figured he was up SD15's ass.
Apparently she went up to her room to wait for FDH to chase her up there and started crying about how depressed she is and admitted when she was here in the summer she took a bunch of sleeping pills to try and kill herself........She doesn't know why, she doesn't have many friends, her family and she doesn't "fit" in at school :?
She's in therapy and obviously needs help, Her therapist is booked up so she can't get in every week and she refuses to see or talk to anyone else bc she doesn't feel comfortable.
I'm so sick of drama, I may sound like a heartless bitch but ya know what? I think she's lying. I think she is depressed but I think she's doing all of this for attention. I guess her therapist and her mom already knew about this and FDH didn't? And it happened at our house????
WTF is wrong with her mom????? FDH shouldn't have been aware of this?????
If her psychiatrist really thought she was going to harm herself wouldn't she by law need to get her admitted for a psych eval??? I doubt she would let her come in every 2 weeks if she really thought she was that bad??
EVERYTIME SD15 comes over its some big huge drama scene or a blow up fight- one of the two everytime, it gets really old.
It's wearing on me and becoming harder and harder to be in this relationship- it's just too much. There's no balance and I offered him time to just focus on his daughter she obviously needs help and he flipped out that I just don't want to be with him........and went into the whole I'm a victim and so is my depressed daughter thing....
I came down to get ice cream and he was rubbing her legs and her feet and her legs were across his lap.......... :sick:
She left about a half hour later and immedietly FDH comes up and tries loving on me and wants to be intimate............I am completely turned off and grossed out, He is offended that I'm grossed out and is super upset with me right now bc "I think he's a perv" I never said that, but they are way too touchy feely for me and it bugs me. Don't rub her legs and feet and come and rub mine. It just grosses me out
I bugs me too that when she gets up or I get up he runs over for a quick kiss while she is out of the room- like he's sneaking affection so he doesn't make her jealous.
Now I'm the ass bc "everything went so well last night" and now we are fighting and it's all my fault :?
I need off this merry go round- does love really conquer all???????
This is really gross, and
This is really gross, and just the fact that your completely grossed out and he thinks the night went great is maybe an indicator that your communication needs to be better. I've been married 30 years and DH and I STILL struggle with communication issues. Would he go for couples counselling?
agreed, but anything that has
agreed, but anything that has to do with sd15 is always "great" guilty daddy has a serious case of rose tinted glasses and since she's stopped coming around when she actually does come it gets worse and worse
Now he's pissed that I got grossed out
I do not believe that HUMAN
I do not believe that HUMAN love conquers all. That is an crazy expectation that noone should have to live up to.!!
I am grossed out, too, by your description of their relationship.
Look at the scenario again..what real messages are being sent? Stealing a kiss from you means that he is not proud to have you around..that your relationship is not acknowledged.. and that his beloved daughter will always be first in his eyes. Being the stepmom, we are expected to just tolerate this crap and settle on the scraps of their relationship.Dont we want our spouses to stand up and reassure that there is plenty of love to go around..that its ok to show proper affection to your spouse infront of the skids..that your marriage is worth acknowledging?
I did not know what I was getting into when I married my spouse.He reassured me it would ONLY be visitation with skids. We never where suppose to inherit 5 skids permanently.I am now married to a man who is married to his kids. Im coping the best I can. And it looks like I will be changing my environment so that I will keep my sanity.
Yea, he asked me why I didn't
Yea, he asked me why I didn't kiss him when I got home??? I said oh I wasn't aware that you like kissing me in front of SD15 he said I don't care who's around and kissed me and SD15 walked by. But then he turns around and "steals" a kiss when she's not in his face.
Yea, I AM expected to tolerate this shit and I hate it. I really do love my FDH and he's a great guy but I CANNOT stand him around SD15. He's practically begging for her acceptance and it makes me sick. She punishes him by cutting communication and not coming around so when she does come around she's showered with love and all the attention.
I did my own thing last night, I didn't want to be around but last night further proves my point that there is no balance. He has no clue. I feel like we took 10 steps forward and now 100 steps back. He literally followed her around :sick:
Wow I'm so sorry you're going
Wow I'm so sorry you're going through that. I can assure you, if SD15 was SERIOUS, she wouldn't be here right now. It's all for attention. It's good that you have her in therapy but if she's anything like my SD14, therapy won't help because she lies for sympathy and attention.
DH used to think visits with his daughter "went well" while I was fuming mad. We'd get into it after she'd leave and I'd have to point out every disrespectful tone, eye roll or thing she did wrong that he simply would overlook since she's hardly around anymore.
I don't know how to make things better for you, since I'm still struggling myself in a similar situation. I do hope you're able to strike a balance somehow and keep your marriage.
Good luck!
Thanks Redwings, Thats what I
Thanks Redwings, Thats what I said to him I said it's a cry for help and an attention seeker bc if she was serious about killing herself she would have done it.
He did agree.
I said she's depressed about friends but stopped hanging out with them when she got a boyfriend. AND she quit track AGAIN, so any teammates she's had or friends from sports she quits and doesn't talk to them so she cries about not having friends and alienates herself.......AND gets FDH's sympathy
FUCKING ANNOYING
He's so blind and I just feel so hopeless
My DH was very blind about
My DH was very blind about his daughter for a long time. It's taken me the past 2 yrs of seriously pointing things out to her and then his eyes opened quite wide after she pulled her stunt of ignoring him and lying to her mother about him calling her names and such so she wouldn't have to come over all summer after we got married.
I'd love to be able to say it gets better, but if you read my blog this morning, it clearly does not. SD is STILL lying for attention/dramatic effect/for the Hell of it, and DH can only say "well, I'll work on that with her".
Still leaves me frustrated, annoyed, irritated and just to the point where I'm throwing my hands up and saying I'M DONE!
Thats how I feel- DONE I feel
Thats how I feel- DONE
I feel empty, depressed, irritated/annoyed and psysically ill when she's around. and FDH is happy as a clam is daughter is coming over. I'm afraid it's not going to get better. It makes me really sad bc I love him and want to be with him but I feel like pushing him away and taking some steps back and distancing myself. don't know what else to do.
Then I wondre if I do that, isn't that basically doing what SD15 does to him. I know he's trying and I can tell he is torn. He really does try to make both of us happy and it's impossible- the second all the atention isn't all on her she runs upstairs crying and he's chasing her. I just don't know if I can do this anymore
Oh yea, and I point out
Oh yea, and I point out everything too. he either has nothing to say or says he see's I'm trying and thats what matters or he makes excuses and yells:
"MY DAUGHTER IS DEPRESSED"
YEA MOTHERFUCKER, SO IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I get it. And I've said this
I get it. And I've said this before, if DH and my relationship wasn't absolutely perfect in all other ways, I'd have run away a long time ago!!!!
So when he says "my daughter is depressed" ask him "so what are you going to do about it? Chasing her around and showering her with attention doesn't really seem to be "curing" her depression, so why continue? Get her the professional help she needs so you can concentrate on us and know that she's being taken care of!"
The excuses can only run so far before they fall on deaf ears. Every time he makes an excuse about her behavior, counter him with "so, what do you plan on doing about it?" Make HIM accountable for HER actions since he obviously isn't teaching her to be responsible herself.
That's what I had to do. I still get the occasional "she misunderstood" or "she didn't hear you" kind of bullshit and then I counter with "How old is she? Can she not understand a SIMPLE sentence?" He does understand his kid is manipulative and lies, I just don't think he gets the full scope of just how much!
I said that this morning he
I said that this morning he said " My daughter is depressed she tried to kill herself" I said so f**** do something about it!!!! Maybe she should have went into treatment like she was supposed to when she drank herself almost to death- it's inpatient care with professionals 24/7 that could have helped her with all these issues going on but nope- you and her mom play a blame game and never follow through with anything- he has as many excuses as she does!!!! Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Just makes me sad bc I really really love him and hope it works out I just don't know if I want to dedicate my life to this bullshit. It's ALWAYS something
It'll ALWAYS be something
It'll ALWAYS be something honey. You just have to weigh the pros and cons. And then you have to determine whether or not the cons are actually WORTH sticking around and enduring.
My DH and I have literally the most perfect relationship when SD isn't around. And now that she's not spending overnights or even time at our place, things have gotten better. There's still the occasional shit storm she causes but for the most part, I'm not going to give up what I have with DH unless he stops putting our marriage first.
(No subject)
:sick:
Daughter will continue to act
Daughter will continue to act this way as long as Daddy responds the way he does. Daddy will continue to act this way as long as he feels daughter need the attention. So they will feed off of each other. The way it works may change but the relationship will remain the same. I.e. soon she'll be needing money and of course that is a unending need and he'll be providing it as long as he can.
Another woman on this Forum told about her husband digging into the retirement fund for such purposes. She was worried about their senior years.
Unless you can put up with this for the rest of your life I'd suggest you find someone who isn't so attached or so guilty.
^^^^I agree 100% with you on
^^^^I agree 100% with you on this one, OC. I would've ran had DH not put his foot down to change SD14's mini wife behavior. I could never see myself in it for the long haul if he'd continued allowing her to get away with that shit!