The "crap" just gets thicker as the days go by.
Mondays blog:
I joined this group about 8 weeks ago and vented some bio-mom issues (excessive child care duties when we pay her child support).... Well I have not been on the site for a while as the events in the house have taken a turn for the worst.
Bio-mom is not allowing SD to come over anymore and is willing to go to court to gain full custody,we havent seen SD in a couple weeks now and husbsand is beside himself...last time husband had a battle wither her it cost 10,000 in legal fees... MONEY WE DONT HAVE for another go-around in court.
Husbands parents talked to Bio-mom and their ex-daughter-in-law stated that as long as I'm in the house the child wont be coming over, the SD has stated to all the family that she adores me and likes to be around me but the bio-mother has firmly stated she has an "issue" with that...bio-mom has pullled this on my husband before long before I was in his life. We/grandparents have had SD 70% of the time....BUT, soon as I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT and the ex-wife got wind of it via SD, holy hell broke loose, and the 12 year old Skid upset over the pregnancy also but mad at her father not me it seems. I have done my research on "parental alienation" and it seems we have a clear case of that. Bio-mom is also banning all contact with grandparents (husbands parents)just to rub in the salt.
My husbsand and myself have been married a year, and the marriage started off LOADED with stress, moving, finacial, me adjusting to having a skid, me getting laid off work, and us/the family being at the beck and call of his ex-wife 5-6 days a week for child care...we havent had a week-end away or honeymoon yet, we hit the ground running from the get-go.... and we have been married a year...husband and I are exhausted.
This along with everything else has caused major stress in the marriage and it seems the bio-mom is making everyone choose between her child and me. Before I came along the ex-wife and skid were the center of the universe in this family, I think bio-mom is threatened that she no longer holds the #1 slot (golden uterus complex)
my husbsand and his ex-wife are fighting now, I'm feeling horrible, grandparents are devastated...its a big damn mess....the father/child relationship was real good now child seems to be turning her back on the dad now also.
To my relief (hate to say it) the pregnancy ended in miscarriage just resently, I was almost 7 weeks.
some days I want to call this marriage a day, my life was so calm and easy before...if I knew then what I know now...you know what I mean?
Tonight, Halloween: Well between the trick-or-treaters coming to the door husbsand and I had a talk, His daughter never stopped by for halloween ( but since bio mom is boycotting us we didnt expect it)
I knew my husband was a little down over the fact that he missed out on halloween, so thats how the discussion ensued. If you read the above blog from monday you will see some obvious points...however my husband and I had a little tiff a few weeks ago so while emotions were high he made the mistake of confiding to his ex-wife and telling her he was leaving me, well that never happend and we are still together but apparently the ex-wife is up in arms that he never did...and SD12 is mad becoase daddy lied to mommy....so, my husband came clean tonight and told me he had talked to ex-wife while he was mad at me, and that is "one of her many bitches" that she is boycotting the child coming over ( because he never left me)....I'm glad my husband came clean with me, but I have a husband who needs to talk about our marriage to his ex-wife? WTF...how much more can I take I ask you.
I am sorry for your loss, I
I am sorry for your loss, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and sorrow. I can, however, imagine what a wimp your husband is. Sit him down, let him know, in no uncertain terms, that it was very wrong to take any of your marital issues to his ex. I suggest you 'overlook' it this time around but he seriously needs to put his foot down and mark boundaries. Let her play her stupid games, seriously, it will not be long until she needs a sitter and, for sure, SD will be back. Things can often be what they call 'a nine day wonder' and I am sure the ex will find something else to bitch about down the line. When people behave that way I believe it's best to just call their bluff! Seriously!!
All the while the drama is going on she's happy that you are not happy...right? What we call 'free rent' in your head! Smile sweetly, tell people that you honestly do not know what her problems are and get on with the things you need to do. Your husband is probably regretting his actions, and so he should!
Sometimes men do not apologize directly, they make amends until they feel that you are OK again. It's a male pride thing, I guess?
Your husband created this
Your husband created this mess.
You have no idea what he told BM about you and what was going on in your home.
Why would she send her child to a home her ex is planning to leave?
Thanks ladies for all the
Thanks ladies for all the replies, My husband and I never lived together prior to marriage the adjustment has been difficult for all, we were actually married for three months before we got the house and moved in together (I was sent over seas to work for 3 months days after wedding)...all was quiet the first 2 weeks of married/living together life till....
FIRST 2 WEEKS OF MARRIED LIFE: My husband gave the ex-wife a tour of the house and proudly showed off the happy home environment (that I built) daughters new bedroom etc... I was in my bedroom folding laundry at the time and I was not introduced, acknowledged or even warned she was coming, my husband played the happy tour guide like he did it all on his own,like he had to impress his ex-wife or something, I was pissed! I never made a peep while she was in the house,I just carried on doing the laundry in my room kinda shell shocked, but when she left my husband ran into the bedroom and started to apologize for the "suprise visit" and promised never again, one week later she came to pick up SD after week-end visit and this time SD invited her in for another tour. I was in my home office as I knew she was on her way and for child pick-up (I let husband deal with drop-off pick-up time), next thing I hear (out my office window) shes in our garage helping daughter bring scooter home that we got her....when she and SD left I lost it on him...that didnt go well for me, pretty sure ex-wife could hear me yelling from inside the house...husband got mad at me becase I was never at the door with him presenting a united front so she came in...I was told by husband it was my fault for not being at the door...thats why she came into house again.
so this is a prime example of one of many many issues I have had in our short marriage...and according to my husband I'm the bad guy, so am I ?
I asked my husband prior to moving in I needed 30 days alone with him, no skids, no distractions, no house warming/parents, we needed to unpack house, adjust to married life (this would be our honeymoon time since we never took one)...did it happen, NO....just tours from the ex-wife and skid 4-5 days a week. Fast forward to present day the ex-wife has boycotted child coming to our home my husband has grown resentfull toward me..."looks like your going to get your 30 days after all" he snaps at me.
money issues: in the last 4 months we have lived as husband and wife I have given 8,500.00 to the cause, work was slow last couple months so PER MY HUSBAND ADVICE I asked for a lay-off, well Unemployment insurance doesnt make a dent to what I could make, so when my unemployment checks came in he was dis-pleased with the ammount I was getting and he started yelling at me for not contributing...did I mention I do all the cooking,cleaning,laundry etc...and I NEVER ask for a penny! today I am going to a job interview with full blown otitis externa (bad puss filled ear infection with high fever) we had an argument over the phone this morning (he called me from work)...he said I was going to blow the interview with my ear infection drama and bla bla bla...I dont know if I can take this marriage anymore, its getting bad to worse.
Thanks ladies for all the
Thanks ladies for all the replies, My husband and I never lived together prior to marriage the adjustment has been difficult for all, we were actually married for three months before we got the house and moved in together (I was sent over seas to work for 3 months days after wedding)...all was quiet the first 2 weeks of married/living together life till....
FIRST 2 WEEKS OF MARRIED LIFE: My husband gave the ex-wife a tour of the house and proudly showed off the happy home environment (that I built) daughters new bedroom etc... I was in my bedroom folding laundry at the time and I was not introduced, acknowledged or even warned she was coming, my husband played the happy tour guide like he did it all on his own,like he had to impress his ex-wife or something, I was pissed! I never made a peep while she was in the house,I just carried on doing the laundry in my room kinda shell shocked, but when she left my husband ran into the bedroom and started to apologize for the "suprise visit" and promised never again, one week later she came to pick up SD after week-end visit and this time SD invited her in for another tour. I was in my home office as I knew she was on her way and for child pick-up (I let husband deal with drop-off pick-up time), next thing I hear (out my office window) shes in our garage helping daughter bring scooter home that we got her....when she and SD left I lost it on him...that didnt go well for me, pretty sure ex-wife could hear me yelling from inside the house...husband got mad at me becase I was never at the door with him presenting a united front so she came in...I was told by husband it was my fault for not being at the door...thats why she came into house again.
so this is a prime example of one of many many issues I have had in our short marriage...and according to my husband I'm the bad guy, so am I ?
I asked my husband prior to moving in I needed 30 days alone with him, no skids, no distractions, no house warming/parents, we needed to unpack house, adjust to married life (this would be our honeymoon time since we never took one)...did it happen, NO....just tours from the ex-wife and skid 4-5 days a week. Fast forward to present day the ex-wife has boycotted child coming to our home my husband has grown resentfull toward me..."looks like your going to get your 30 days after all" he snaps at me.
money issues: in the last 4 months we have lived as husband and wife I have given 8,500.00 to the cause, work was slow last couple months so PER MY HUSBAND ADVICE I asked for a lay-off, well Unemployment insurance doesnt make a dent to what I could make, so when my unemployment checks came in he was dis-pleased with the ammount I was getting and he started yelling at me for not contributing...did I mention I do all the cooking,cleaning,laundry etc...and I NEVER ask for a penny! today I am going to a job interview with full blown otitis externa (bad puss filled ear infection with high fever) we had an argument over the phone this morning (he called me from work)...he said I was going to blow the interview with my ear infection drama and bla bla bla...I dont know if I can take this marriage anymore, its getting bad to worse.
I have this arguement often
I have this arguement often with my DH. I don't think him or his ex realize their relationship is inappropriate. While I'm completely frustrated every day with the text and calls, he doesn't understand why I would be upset with calls pertaining to the children. (They should have stayed married is my point if they couldn't live apart without staying close knit).
Like you, I did not live with my DH until marriage.
And there has been turmoil ever since.
I'm very sorry you are going thru this. You are not alone.
When I first started dating
When I first started dating my husband , we both realized we were very jealous people. I had no kids prior to this relationship so I just had to cut off all friendships with my ex's. He cut back conversations to his ex to be only about his daughter. She would try to call and confide with him about her life and that's not right. They are not married anymore and he is not the person she gets to do this with.
The only part I miss about it is we used to laugh at her and all her idiotic situations, but it's not worth it.
If he wants your marriage to work , he can't still be confiding in his ex. It's not fair to you either. I feel like you've become the bad guy all for just having a fight with your husband. Did he say that he wanted to seperate during the fight?
Hopefully it all works out. Sorry for your loss with the child. I recently lost a baby too, so I know how hard it can be!
And to add, her coming in your home is really innapropriate! I would never ever let my husband's ex step in my house. It's bad enough she pulls into my fucking driveway. All they want to do is get up in your business.