Hi Lady. Just letting you know I've seen this. Sorry I cannot respond right now. Will do so tomorrow morning. (Australian time)

Double post

Double post

Double post

Lovemystep, truer words were never spoken. I may have to frame your words! Until some outsider shows you just how absurd your life has become because of these toxic SD's, you don't realize just how bad it has been!

Hi Lady,

My husband's daughter spent 8 years trying to break up our marriage, and she was not subtle about it. Her own boyfriend told her father and myself that she needed physchiatric help, he begged her father to help him get her into some sort of therapy, her father refused. Even after this boyfriend told my husband that he feared for my safety and he feld SD was capable of harming me, my husband did nothing, when the boyfriend told us SD's goal was to break up our marriage and see DH living alone and lonely just like her "poor mother" my husbands response, rubbish. He could not see past his daughter, and would not until this day if he could get away with it. However she has gone too far and even he knows it, but he still won't admit it. So if your husband is like this. It truly is hard.

My SD tried for years to break us up, her boyfriend was beside himself and used to come here often when SD and DH were at work. I knew exactly what was going on behind the scenes and the way she was manipulating her father. I also knew well before boyfriend that a baby would be brought into this hate filled mess. Sure enough she eventually goes behind the boyfriends back and after 6 years of sleeping with him, has an accident and becomes pregnant. This pregnancy was no accident, it was a last ditch effort to get daddy away from me. Her sole reason for wanting a child was that. Daddy will leave her when I have a baby.

Now I won't bore you with the history of this nightmare, I will say that there were many, many, many times when this woman was gobsmackingly rude to me. I was always mystified as to how she could actually do it without being embarrassed. But she did, and she was not only NOT embarrassed by her behaviour, she truly was proud of it. She would say an do things and they were by normal standards way, way out of line, but she would do and say these things with pride shining from her face. It was astonishing to me I have never ever seen anyone behave like this before.

Now to answer your question. The day she had the baby DH phoned me on his way home from work to say she had had the baby, and that we were going in to see her the next night. That was odd anyway, I would have thought DH would've gone in their the first night, but anyway. So, I said to DH, look, I don't think it is a good idea for me to go there. She does not want me there, you know she doesn't and to be honest with you, if I went into that hospital and she was rude to me that would be it for me, I will have nothing more to do with her. DH's response, NO, she says she wants you to come. He claimed he had discussed it with her and yes, she was happy for me to come. DH is a pathologial liar. DH is the wholly and souly the reason all of this trouble is in his family, he tells lies to everyone to try and keep everyone happy, but DH has no empathy, so he really does not know how people feel or what is in someone else's best intrests, his lies are based on "how he would feel" on "what he would want." So, his lies mess everyone up.

Well along I go with DH and present for baby. I step back respectfully to allow DH first access to his daughter and new grandchild. DH says congratulations to the daughter of Satan then steps back. I went forward gift extended and before I could open my mouth, she turned her head away, stared at her mattress and refused to accept the gift I had in my hand. Stupdily I put that gift on the bedside table, I wish now I had taken the gift back. Even then after everything she had done, and what she was doing right there and then, I was still an idiot, I still handled it the wrong way, I gave her the gift. I also stayed. I should have walked out. However, I stayed and let DH have his time there.

When we walked out of that room I told DH that's it, I'm finished, I don't care what you do or say now, I will have nothing more to do with her ever again. He says "I know, I'm sick of it, I'm going to take a step back now." As I said before DH is a pathological liar. He said that because even he was embarrassed by what she had done to me in a room full of people, but he had no intentions of stepping back. He spend the next week ringing her everyday. However, he never once said let's go ad see the baby. Then when the child was about two weeks old, he rang me from work, and said "We ARE going out tonight, I said (already knowing the answer) where, and he says, Natalie would like us to go for coffee and see the baby. So, I said, I will never allow her to insult, humiliate and disrespect me again, I will not set foot in her house, and she will not in mine. DH says we'll talk about it when I get home. When he got home, no one talked, we fought and yelled. DH still felt I should prostrate myself in front of his daughter, shut my mouth and put up with anything she said or did. He agreed she hated me, but said well if she hates you she hates you, so what.

Finally when he knew I was going nowhere near her or the baby he agreed to ring her and tell her WHY I would not be going there. But he said, "you cannot talk to her, I will ring the boyfriend" see, DH cannot confront his daughter he is scared. He did say all the right things to boyfriend, and even brought up incidences of SD's rudeness that I had forgotten about (see, he knew what she was doing), and the end result of that was, boyfriend saying, well nothing is going to change. DH said, so what you are saying then is if I want to see my grandaughter I have to leave my wife, seemingly the answer was yes, because DH then said, well I guess I won't be seeing my grandaughter then. 15 months later he hasn't.

SD has spent 14 of the last 15 months ringing him up at work every few weeks, and I could tell when she did because of his foul moods when he came home. I even started to check his phone for a while just to confirm the moods did coincide with the phone calls from SD and sure enough they did. I can only imagine the things she would be saying, and of course, she would be telling him I am the reason he does not see his grandchild, and HE would be stupid enough to believe it. He has always had her on a pedestal and thought she could do no wrong. He would have forgotten everything she did, all the trouble she caused, and even the night in the hospital, because it suits him to believe that she is as pure as the driven snow and this was another immaculate conception.

Basically, my DH said nothing, but he did not go and see this child or his daughter. However, I do not think he did that for me. The baby was born in May, in June she called around here, her the boyfriend and the baby. I saw them pull up the driveway, went to DH and told him they were here, and his response was "Don't open the door". You see, in that 4 weeks she had made phone calls to FIL. FIL and DH had made a nice little arrangement between the two of them that she could come around here and start afresh. I had said no way in hell, she needed to apologise and DH had said, NO, she won't. His solution to the problem. Don't open the door.

Now, I don't know what he said to her when she next rang him, but she did not come again until the middle of August. Again, luckily I saw her pulling up. I went to DH told him she was here, and said either you tell her she is not welcome here anymore or I will. DH said "YOU tell her." Now that of course makes me the bad guy and him the victim of my badness. But to be honest I didn't give a rats behind I just wanted nothing to do with her and her opinions of me no longer mattered. My DH's opinion was by this time no where on my list of priorities either. I opened the door, told her she was never to come back, DH was hiding in the kitchen. She said I am going to tell my dad, I said, well you'll have to ring him because he's not coming to the door. She said, "I'm gong to tell my Nono (grandfather)and they left. I went back to the kitchen and DH said................wait for it........................I think you could have given her one more chance. I simply told him, NO, no more chances she is a grown woman she has had more than enough, and you are more than welcome to go with her because I am done with all of this. That is the truth, I had reached a point where I knew I would be happier on my own than living in this unGodly mess with DH and his family.

You see it never, never, never ends. No matter what their adult daughters do to you, this kind of DH thinks YOU should accept it, somehow it is YOUR job to keep the peace in his family, and if you don't accept being treated like dog poo on the soles of his daughter's feet, then YOU are the one causing trouble.

Well SD went a bit to far. SD did go to NONO, she went in the October (2011), the baby was over a year old and this was the first time she had gone to see Nono. She, her boyfriend and her brother went up to stay with him for the weekend, and from that time on FIL has not spoken to me. DH and I would go up to see him and he would only ask me what's for lunch, or what's for dinner, other than that he spoke the entire time in Italian to DH and I was left like the proverbial shag on a rock.

I brought this up with my DH and of course, I was imagining it, his dad was always like this, his dad treats everyone like this, I mean really, my FIL and I had a good relationship until she went up there and DH knew it. I was the only person in the family that ever bothered to phone him and I would do so every couple of days and we would talk. I stopped phoning him because he would answer the phone I would say Hi dad, he would say oh Margaret. I would say how are you, he would say, I'm alright, okay then bye and hang up. I got the hint.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, the middle of August. Boyfriend bails me up in the shopping centre carpark. Toddler in arms. I had not seen or spoken to him for just on a year at that time. He was friendly enough and after a minute or so, he says "we went up to see her Nono last October" I don't think her Nono helps things, because he said, "We could come to your house anytime we want to and just ignore you. He also asked me if I had a lawn in my new house and when I said yes, but it needs mowing and I didn't have a lawn mower,he said that we could come around and get DH's and don't worry about what you think. He went on to say, SD had told DH about this and DH had said yes they could come here anytime they like.

So here we are a year of no commmunication with SD or BF and this still happens. I decided not to tell DH at first I was so damn angry. I actually sought legal advice as to where I stand financially here. A week after this encounter with boyfriend I developed a severe lung infection and I am still recovering from it. At that point I was so sick I decided to say nothing till I recoverd as I was not well enough for the fight with DH. Then two weeks and 4 courses of antibiotics later, the infection spread from the right lung to the left so both lungs were infected. At that point I blew up and told DH everything I knew. DH's response, he lied. Said he knew nothing about it. I don't believe him. It makes perfect sense to me boyfriend said they went up there for a weekend, and FIL said this to her, she rang DH on the Monday and told him what FIL had said. I absolutely believe that.

In some ways it is a shame, we had had a year of relative peace. But I think now a couple of months after the incident that it was a good thing. I have spoken to my SIL about this, as FIL is going on for 89 and has cancer, and I have no wish to fight with a sick old man. Also, he will lie too. My DH is in fact his father, the apple did not even fall off the tree with these two. I returned jewellery that belonged to my MIL as FIL had given it to me and I felt as I was no longer going to be part of or have anything to do with this family that the right thing to do was return the jewellery to the family. I have told SIL I will never make that 4 hour trip to see FIL again and I won't.

I have spoken to DH and I told him what I had done. I told him as I tell you, my reasons for telling SIL were that I was sick and tired of my husband lying to the family and using me as the excuse why he didnt go up there every five minutes to visit FIL. I told him that I wanted his sisters and the family to know the truth because that way you will all be so busy fighting among yourselves you will leave me alone. I have told DH I will never go to Swan Hill ever again not even for his father's funeral should he die before me.

On a positive note this has all worked out to my advantage. DH is none to pleased with SD for causing trouble with FIL, see it's all good when she causes trouble in our marriage, but now she has caused troule with blood and Italian blood at that, so now it's a problem.

I told DH he needed to deal with this and not ignore it, but another long story. SD will not answer or return his calls now. Unfortunately I'm sure she'll get over it. But he did send her a text that I wrote, so in my book that doesn't count as him doing anything about this, he did it to shut me up. The text was basically to tell her that if she or her boyfriend ever saw me anywhere to keep on walking and to tell boyfriend to stop shit stirring and causing trouble. SD would not have liked that. So she is pretty angry with daddy at the moment. My dream, she stays angry with him forever, but while some dreams do come true and I will hope for that. Some dreams don't.

I have finally learnt from all of this. FINALLY. I will never accept being second best by anyone. If I am not wanted or not liked or treated like a wart on the end of someone's nose, I will walk away and be with people who do want me in their company. I will never ever again put up with anything to make DH happy. I sacrificed a lot for DH, for his happiness, I was so busy taking care of his wants, needs and desires I did not take care of my own basic needs and I have made myself very, very sick by doing this. I have learnt that it is important for me to stand up for myself as my DH cannot. I have learnt that I need to be an equal in this marriage, not the doormat. Not the village idiot that the family uses and abuses. I have learnt that I do not belong in DHs family and to be honest, I am so relieved to be out of it.

That Lady is the end result of SD having a baby. She started her new family by destroying her old one. No one is talking to anyone really. This baby of hers will have no family on her side except her two brothers.

I will say this to you on a personal note, and it is not advice. My DH is weak, he has spent his entire 64 years on this earth trying to please everyone. He is the only son in his family, and he has been guilted his entire life. But his loyalty to the family is such that he ignores what they are doing to him and tries and tries to appease them. He cannot physically or emotionally be all things to all people so he lies. He lies to try and make everyone happy. However in doing that, and in getting away with that for all these years, he does not understand that I know what he is doing. It is beyond his comprehension to understand that I live with him I know he is lying, and I know when he is lying to me. He thinks he has gotten away with it, but I suspect his family know too he is a liar, but typically they refuse to call him out on it, because that would make them less than a perfect family. He has destroyed himself, his realtionship with his family, and pretty much his marriage. To this day, he refuses to accept responsibility.

SD will never be happy till she breaks up the marriage.

I will never have anything to do with this group of people who apparently will respect and honour blood no matter how bad that blood is. Yet while being more than happy to use someone to get whatever it is they want, have no loyalty to that person at all. FIL as I said happily told a man he had met 3 times to come to my home and ignore me. He did that not because this man had been good to him or because he knew this man well. It did not matter who or what this man was, the fact is he is Italian and for FIL that makes him more important and family. Me, I am not Italian, and now I have expected the italian grandaughter to show some manners, I am finished as far as FIL goes.

We all have to do things in our own way Lady. But after all I have been through here. I have told DH this. His daughter gave him an ultimatum. Me or her, Me or his grandaughter. He should have made a decision 15 months ago. He should have chosen when his daughter told him to. Because now, after she took this trouble to FIL this whole family has broken apart and as far as I am concerned, he can have his family or he can have me. SD has made it impossible for him to have both. But I will never, ever put myself out there again to be abused by this family. I will also not accept DH choosing me, then making me pay for it. But given what has happened with FIL and all the nonsense with SD I truly am done with it all. I just want some peace in my life and I want to be happy. Not living heaven on earth happy, just calm and relaxed happy. I am fine with all the ups and downs of life but I am not fine with the pure evilness and hatred in DH's family. As long as they are in my life there will always be problems, the same applies to DH, however, they are his family and he cannot see that.

So Lady, you have to make your own decisions. I put my marriage on the line for my decision, and to be honest I don't regret it. In my mind any man who stands by his daughter while the daughter is humilating his wife, well that is not a marriage, and that is not a good husband. I did not expect my husband to fight with his family over me, but I sure as hell didn't expect him to fight with me over them either. Nothing in this family will change, I know that now. I accept that. But I refuse to live a double life, with my husband having two families. If he is incapable of blending them, and he is, then he has to choose one, and I had reached the point where given that for years he was incapable of choosing, I made the choice for him. GO. He has choosen to stay, and the thing that needs working on is he still has the tendancy to try and blame ME. I was not the one who issued the ultimatum or created the hatred and division in his family, but it is very hard to this day for DH to blame SD. It appears easier for him to blame me.

Yes guys I have used real names in this post. But I am not concerne or worried about anyone seeing it. It really thank God doesn't matter to me anymore what any of them think. }:)

Hi Lady & Lovemystep.

Firstly Lady, if I have been able to help even a little then I am glad. That is what this site is for. You too I am sure will in your own time find the strength to do what you need to do for your own physical, mental and emotional well being. The final straw will come, and you need to grab it and do what is right for you. It is hard, and it is exhausting, but it is necessary and in the end it will be the best thing you can do for yourelf, and hopefully your marriage. If the marriage survives this (and I'm not saying mine has or will at this stage, the latest incident is still pretty fresh, and one more incident may be one more too many), but if it survives it will be a better and stronger marriage. If it does not, you will be a better and stronger person, you will have learnt a lesson from this as I have and you will make better choices in the future, It really can all be a positive learning experience. A tough one, but positive in the end.

Lovemystep.
You are telling me nothing I do not know, I have laid the responsibility for this wholly and soley at my husband's feet since the first day his daughter walked through my door. You are right in what you say a marriage should be. My husband has destroyed his own children, he has failed them as a father and he has failed me as a husband. He may have grown up in the "guilt ridden" Italian family with the "guilt ridden" catholic education, but he is now 64. At some point we all need to grow up and accept responsibility for our lives and our actions. He does not. In fact no one in his family does. Each and everyone of them will blame someone else for their actions. SD who has openly said she wants us both dead, and a thousand other things, feels that she has done nothing wrong, it is my fault, I married her father, so I am entitled to be abused. She is entitled to treat me as she likes. I asked DH once to, well actually demanded that before she came back through this door she apologise for what she had done, his response to that was, she will never apologise she will never bow down to you. See the thinking there, apologising in their minds is lowering themselves to bow down to another. It is not, being adult enough to admit you have done the wrong thing and say sorry, no it is bowing down to another and they are too good for that.

So yes I agree, DH has failed us all, but unfortunatley, DH doesn't think so. He has actually said the words, if I just put up with all the crap his daughter dishes out, there would be no problems. With the boyfriend incident, he said, why can't I just forget about it, and as far as his father telling someone he hardly knows to come to my house and ignore me, well he says his father wouldn't have said that. Yes he would, he was showing off showing his grandaughter he is head of this family, he runs the show. However, he has not picked up the phone in the last two months and asked FIL outright what happened, he cannot, because he knows it did happen, and he (DH) knew about it.

My SD has a personality disorder, and I believe this is right through DH's family in varying degrees, but the one common thread is the complete failure of any of them to own up and take responsibility for their actions. I cannot change DH or his family, nor do I have the right too. My biggest piece of bad luck was DH was estranged from his kids when we married, I never got to see him as a parent, I only got to know the man he pretended to be. His children came back into his life after we had been married about 14 months, well the daughter did, because she wanted a new car, and that was the beginning of 8 years of gimmie, gimmie, gimmie,for DH and ignorance, rudeness, isolation and humilation for me.

I am now working on my self esteem and self confidence issues, on learning to say NO, and enough is enough. I now know I do not have to be treated this way by DH or his family,. But I agree with all you say.

Jennaspace, thank you for your input.

Unfortunatley FIL cannot read or write in any language. He is Italian and as he has aged he has returned more and more to his native tongue.

Without a doubt SD told FIL about me refusing to let her into my home, but of course failed to tell him she wants myself and her father dead. Yes, she would have told FIL that I refuse to have her newborn in my home and that I am keeping my husband from seeing his grandaughter. However, FIL has not seen or heard from this woman for years. In the last 12 years I have known her to ring him twice and never visit him at all until after I told her she was no longer welcome. She never even rang her grandfather when she became pregnant. She only rang him when the baby was about two weeks old, and that of course would be just to get some money sent down to her as a gift for the baby.

So, yes I am well aware FIL was filled with lies. But, FIL is not a child, he could have picked up the phone and asked my husband or myself what was going on. He made a choice not to. His prodical grandaughter had returned to the fold (so he thinks), and he was going to standby her no matter what. She is blood, I am not, her boyfriend is Italian, I am not. Whatever FIL was or was not told is not the real issue here, the issue is how he dealt with it. I knew back in October that something was wrong, he absolutely just did not speak to me at all when we went up ther to visit, well except to ask what I was cooking for lunch and for dinner. It was clear he was keeping his distance from me. He had every opportunity to ask what was happening, yet he had already made up his mind. Grandaughter was in I was out. In the 12 years I have known that man I have never failed to do anything he asked of me. We live 4 hours away and I would ring him every couple of days, I never went 3 days without speaking to him, his own son would ring him every couple of months. When he went into hospital last year, I rang the hospital twice a day, and drove up there to see him. His grandaughter, never lifted the phone and never visited him. Yet he has chosen blood over water. That hurt.

Writing to him is not an option as I said because he cannot read or write, yes, he could easily get SIL or someone else to read the letter to him, but to be honest, it doesn't matter what he thinks now. The fact is he had only met his grandaughters boyfriend 3 times now in total, in the 7 years they have been together and yet he felt it was right and proper to tell this person to come to my home and ignore me says more about FIL than it does about anyone else. FIL just wants to bulldoze all of us into doing his bidding. I did whatever he asked of me for years, and I was happy enough to make an old man happy. Now, I honestly don't care to explain to FIL my side of the story. FIL knows me, he does not know his grandaughter. Knowing me as well as he does, to accept that I just would not accept her baby and I just threw her out of the house all for no good reason, and to never ask myself or DH about what was going on, well I can only assume FIL is trying to make sure his grandaughter keeps making the 4 hour trip to see him. Good luck with that one.

SD would never have told FIL that her boyfriend told DH she said if DH wants to see the baby he would have to leave me. She was too busy crying to FIL about how her father would not come to her house to see her child, so during that whole weekend of Sd's tears there wouldn't be much time to tell him the things she had done, she was flat out filling him in on what had been done to her. She would never tell FIL everything that had happened to her was a direct result of her actions. To be honest, she is like her father, takes responsibility for nothing. The day she came here I told her, you have been working flat out for the last 8 years trying to make an enemy out of me, that night in the hospital you did. I am done with you, I am not going to try and make this work anymore, I am finished, if you ever come here again I will have you charged with trespass. She had the nerve to say (and she believed it), you are just jealous of my baby, you havent' once spoken to me since the baby was born. So you see, that is what she has told herself, and that is what she would tell FIL and that is what the whole family will believe. I reminded her that I went to her, offered her a gift, and before I even had the chance to speak to her and say so much as congratualtions, she turned her head away and stared at the mattress, and refused to even accept the gift. Her response to that was, well yes, but you don't know how hard my labour was, you didn't even ask me. I did laugh at that. We saw her about 36 hours after the birth, she was all done up and comfy, she had managed to open gifts from everyone else in the room, yet could not find the strength to take mine. She had also told her father I was to have nothing to do with the pregnancy, she didn't even want him to tell me she was pregnant. She turned up one day with ultrasound photos of the baby and handed them to dad, he handed them to me, and she said, I don't want fingerprints all over them and took them back. Now she suddenly is hurt because I didn't ask how her labour was.

No Jennaspace, there is no point in trying to continue. I have proven myself to FIL, she in time will too. However, it will be too late for me to go back to serving FIL. living with my husband is difficult as I have said before this family has a personality disorder running right through it, some have it worse than others, so it is much easier on me if I only have to deal with one person like this DH. The rest of them can work it out for themselves. While your suggestion is by normal standards a good one. The best thing for me is to just let the whole family go, concentrate on my marriage and myself and take each day as it comes. The less stresses I have in it the better.

I do thank you very much for your suggestion though, and if I had been dealing with normal people I would have picked up a phone a year ago and spoken to FIL, but that too is out of the question, see he is one of these who can only understand English when it suits them. Tell him something he doesn't want to hear and he is, me no, know. I don't understand. When he does that, you can forget it. He's mot listening and he's not going to. Thanks again.

Boy EBU your SD does indeed sound evil. I got creepy goose bumps reading your posts above. There really was no choice for you - you had to cut her off. I am glad that you finally did the right thing for your health and sanity. Gives me hope.

My SD is not so forward with her nastiness. When I was interacting with her over 9 months ago, she would make little digs about me and then look knowingly at her dad. They would communicate with their eyes to each other. I caught it a few times. I have removed myself from the equation and DH has his relationship with SD. He still justifies her behaviour to me on occasion and as long as he does that, I am on guard with DH as well. He has alienated me with his betrayal and I cannot get past it since he still thinks SD is an angel.

SD would dismiss me in a calm polite way which actually was very hurtful. It is hard to defend yourself when the SD is playing word games in a calm manner. Double entendres all the time. Well I don't have time for the BS anymore.

EBU, It does sound like you are gaining on the war - and that is what it has been. Your SD declared war on you and used RA (group bullying mentality) as her weapon. But you have been strong enough - even with health issues - to come through this nightmare. Good for you. The saddest part of this is that your DH could not 'man up' to be the Husband you deserved. I'm in the same boat. but I CAN tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The longer you demonstrate to DH that YOU think you are worthy of respect, and what your limits are he will eventually follow your lead. Good luck to you. (((HUGS)))

Lovemystep has something worthwhile to say, I think she has been peering through my window, watching my life and the people in it The vipers Lovemystep have been told well and truly I'm done, funny thing is, they are now sharpening the fangs and trying to draw me back into the pit. Glad I am so far out of it now I can see what is going on. Hell, without me, they may just have to turn on each other, I was so handy to beat up, now I'm not there anymore, what will they do until another victim comes along. You are absolutely right, FIL like my husband chose, always have and always will choose what feels good for them in the moment. I hadn't really thought of it like that, but it is exactly that.

Sandye21 I'm thinking that the war may be over, as there needs to be two sides to fight in a war, I have withdrawn from the fight, and that actually makes me the winner. I am still shocked and battlescared, but I know I deserve better, and am planning in living in the world of self respect from now on, not the Viper Pit lovemystep speaks of. As far as DH being man enough to man up and be the husband, well let's be honest, when has he ever manned up before, certainly not as a father, definately not as a son, and clearly not as a husbandl. It is getting easier to accept that is who he is and I need to take care of me first.

20yearsastep.
I had the sneaky, passive aggressive crap as well as the in your face crap. I think the passive aggressive, sneaky stuff is harder to handle actually. If they are in your face, you can call a spade a spade and have it out with them. However, when they are passive aggressive they leave you no opening to have your say and you just have to put up with it, because they did not directly say anything about or to you, so you cannot come back, which builds up frustration in you.

Eg: My daughter had been going out with her now husband since about the November, it was becoming serious (I thought) around about March, but she didn't bring him home until June. Now SD was here the day she brought this chap home to meet us. Just before Christmas my daughter announced she was pregant. SD becomes pregnant the following October, comes to my home and as her father was not impressed with her being unmarried and pregnant, says to him, well at least I've been engaged 4 1/2 years it's not like I knew someone 6 months and got knocked up is it. I saw the look she shot me during that little sentence of hers and I knew straight away what she was getting at.

She knew nothing about my daughters relationship or how long they had been together before my daughter became pregnant, but she was here in the June, so she surmised that they had only know each other for 6 months. She was absolutely putting my daughter down, but what could I say, she never mentioned my daughter and if I had asked her was she talking about my daughter, she would have said NO. Sometime later I took this up with her boyfriend, and he confirmed what I thought, she was talking about my daughter. When they do this shit it is very frustrating and I do find it worse. I would rather they put it out there and you can have your say.

Still, SD had plans of the biggest and bestest wedding since the beginning of time. She is still not married and the child she had is 15 months old.

My daughter has been married just over 2 and a half years now. This of course gets up SD's nose, so Karma paid the little bitch back for me on that one. SD's wonderful lavish white wedding I supsect will never come about as BF seems to put one stumbling block in front of another every time she mentions it. Well, I should say that was how it was, I have not seen her for a year as she is banned from here, but I imagine it is still the case, because I know for a fact she still has no wedding ring on her finger.

Hi EBU, Thanks for that. I guess we all have some of the passive agressive stuff. I have never had a face to face blow out with SD.

We exchanged letters in June / she wrote first at DH's begging of her. He was trying to fix the relationship between SD and I. She did write a letter but it was so obvious she did not want to do so. She accused me of trying to take her dad away from her which is ridiculous. We were planning on moving and this is part of why she was upset. DH wouldn't be 12 doors away at her beck and call. Our moving away plans really UPSET her because she wouldn't have DH's ear daily.

We are also selling our cottages, one of which she feels is hers. This also has really UPSET her - now she won't have a free vacation home to use. Not to mention she asked DH about her inheritance now that we are liquidating. That really UPSET me. She has a lot of nerve asking about "her" inheritance and trying to convince DH that she is entitled to assets and antiques in our home even is i am still ALIVE. She thought she should be able to come into our home if something happened to DH and take antique dining set / hutch / dishes that were my DH's mothers. I blew a gasket needless to say. I told DH any of the properties etc, are NOT HER inheritance - but they ARE OUR assets. She has no business discussing our assets in that way and I told DH that I do not want any of our financial planning to be discussed with her ever again. Shut her down immediately. I doubt he has the balls to do this and if she starts quizzying him on things - he will just answer her. He is like that with everyone though which really bothers me. No boundaries!

I just can't get past her nasty, entitled, selfish mean spirited attitude! This is not a problem now for me as I have disengaged but DH still holds onto the dream of being one big happy family.

tell her she's entitled to stuff in your house when you're entitled to stuff in hers. goes both ways.

She has no inheritance. Someone needs to tell her that while you are both alive there is no inheritance. Everything belongs to you and your husband. Turn the tables. Ask her if she should die before you guys. What will you inherit from her. Bet it is nothing. She will expect het assets to go to her spouse and kids.

I hate this inheritance crap. No one is entitled to anything you can do what you like with your money. How these greedy cows are shameless enough to talk about the death of a parent and what they'll get out if it is beyond me.

Her father needs to tell her that but then again that's not going to happen is it.

Can these men seriously be proud of the way they have raised these women.

You're telling me. DHs daughter was here one day dropping the F word like it was nothing. A few weeks later he comes home and says one of the guys at work was talking to his son on the phone and the son was using the F word he thought that was the height of disrespect. So I said well at least that was man to man on the phone. Your daughter was using it here in front of you and everyone else when we had the BBQ. His response. I didn't hear her.

So he hears a workmates son using it over the phone but not his daughter across the table.