Not sure how to take this....
I have a 20 almost 21 SD...there have always been issues. Her dad has always used the excuse that her mom is horrible, she is a guest in our home..etc....She comes to visit, which I think is great! Everytime she comes it's for about 4-5 hours, at least 3 times a week...Her dad can't leave her side when she is here. Cause SD will get angry and leave. The other day, dad asked me "is it sweatshirt weather outside babe?".. before I could even get an answer out SD, says yeah it is... ummm..I said were you talking to SD or me? He said you babe..I said ok.. I find this very strange.. or is this just petty crap????
Also, I was out of town watching my DD play softball and he texts me saying I told SD that we were going to dinner at 7, ok? Which was a total lie!! He has done this several times before so she would leave otherwise she would stay all night long. And when she does, nobody gets daddy's time but her.. not even her sister. I feel like he can't tell her, hey we (him and me) hang out together tonight, we have no kids and need some alone time. And honestly, it really is starting to bother me. She is 20 yrs old! I don't lie to my kids about wanting to spend time with him. And when I do, they actually understand.
How the heck do I bring this up to him without him becoming defensive over SD? Isn't she really old enough to understand?
There is so much more to this story. A little background: He takes her to lunch at least 3 times a month plus she is visiting us at least 3 times a week at 4-5 hour increments. I mean, I don't want to be that selfish person, cause I am not but when my DD comes home from college, who is 20 as well, I spend an hour catching up and then we move on. What could a 47 year old man have to talk to his daughter about for 4-5 hours that many times a week?
Mind you, we have 2 HS kids living in our house fulltime, which keeps us very busy. And any free night, SD is here. I am not sure how to handle this anymore at all...
Any advice is welcomed, please....
Start setting her up on blind
Start setting her up on blind dates? You choose guys like your DH, so that she goes to new boyfriend instead of dear ol' dad. Life if DH is a handy man, set her up w/ a carpenter. If DH likes to fiddle with cars, set her up with a mechanic. If nothing else, you can at least get some satisfaction out of knowing her evening is probably proceeding along quite akwardly indeed!
LOL!! Her dad is a cop...so
LOL!! Her dad is a cop...so the boys that she likes to date are either of these:
A: Overly nice to her and she breaks up with them
B: Treats her like crap and are very mean to her and she still hangs on forever...
C: Then she calls daddy and complains about each and every one of them..
Even though with all the public internet stuff today, it's funny how each and every one calls her crazy.. which is she? IDK!!
I seriously don't know if I am being petty or being selfish. But lying to a 20 almost 21 yr old about wanting to spend time with your fiance, does not seem right to me...
I think you should just tell
I think you should just tell it like it is. Fiance and I have plans tonight - a date - this means no SD. Go out and don't let her pout or try to join in. Tell DH ahead of time too so he is not caught off guard. If you guys are busy she will stop coming by so often. Hopefully you won't have to do this for too long and she will get the hint.
Do you feel a bit
Do you feel a bit over-saturated by SD? This is how it started for DH and I. DH and SD were both livng in my home, paying nothing. I was working out of state for two months. It took me a whole day to get home for a two day weekend and then another whole day to return to the job. SD would not leave so DH and I could have some private time together for the two days, and get this - DH would not ask her to do so. So finally SD let us have an hour alone together. DH spent the hour crying like a baby. It went from bad to worse from there until many years later I put a stop to it.
These little 'petty' things SD is doing is setting the stage so SD can put you in your place. After a few years it is not petty anymore. It gets like picking at a scab. Stop it now.
I admire the way you brought
I admire the way you brought out the general essence of your topic. Thanks for this blog. gambling
It's only going to get worse
It's only going to get worse . . after you get married, until someone puts an end to it now. The bigger issue here is not SD, but your fiance wanting to spend so much time with her because he's fearful of hurting her feelings. . which is ridiculous. And your SD is well aware of what's she's doing.
Your fiance needs to limit her visits to once a week. If he doesn't want to, you'll have to step up and start planning things outside of the home so you'll conveniently have plans when she wants to come for a visit. Sooner or later she'll get the hint. Right now, she's exerting control in your home. Put an end to it now. It's time for SD to get a life.
When I married DH a few years ago, my SD (25) lived with us and was more of a mini wife. One night DH and I were in the bedroom w/the door closed. SD was cooking DH's favorite meal, so she knocked on the door and fed him a sample from a fork. I put him out of the bedroom. After many agonizing petty and mean spirited stunts towards me, SD finally got her S!@ together and moved out because I did everything in my power to exclude her so she would get the message that we wanted to be alone. DH had coddled her to the point where she acted more like a 10 year old, and wanted to stay with daddy forever. It was pathetic. DH finally saw the error of his ways. Today SD and I don't have a relationship. Who's to blame? DH . . plain and simple.
Grab this bull by the horn before this foolishness goes any further. You are the woman of the house. Exert your power and control. Good luck.