help.. not sure what to do or handle this anymore..
Long story made short.. hopefully... Living with Fiance for 2 years.. dating almost 6.. Children: His : 20- daughter(lives with the mom), 16 daughter( full time living with us for a year)..MINE: Daughter 19(off to college), son 17(lives with us every 2 weeks)
Maybe I am making something out of nothing but I am feeling or have been feeling a little upset lately...
His 16 yr old never goes with her mother.. prior to her moving in with us I made my children go with their father every other weekend as planned so we could have alone time- quality alone time not just a couple of hours...
I have brought this up to him several times, due to I travel alot for my kid's softball in college, saying it would be nice if he could go with me. He has promised me, oh I will make it happen, never does..never does.. I travel alone. In his words, she is having fun with friends, I can't make her go to her mom's house..??? So therefore, I feel like our relationship is not important.
Next, when his 20 yr old comes over, she is here for 5-6 hours, which I am perfectly fine with! But it's the way he acts when she is here.. he can't spend a minute with anyone else or she gets pissed.. not even his other daughter! What does a 20 yr old and a 47 yr old have to talk about for 5 hours?? When they text daily??
He told me that I always leave the room and he hates the seperation when 20 yr old comes over, so I tried. I was holding a conversation and turn around and BOOM.. they were both outside on the deck! WTH?? I really don't even know where to go from here.. he seems to think I am jealous of his 20 yr old, which I am not. And he doesn't even try to take my side on things.. cause I never treat him like this. When my daughter has been gone for a month at college and I have not seen her, I spend an hour or so, or a lunch, and catch up with her, but I don't need 5 hours! Please give me some solid advice or a way to approach this differently.. cause I am about at my wits end with him...
It must be hard not to get a
It must be hard not to get a break.With 16 they are still kids and a lot of work- at the same time they are the decision makers where they are staying and where not.I don't really have a lot of advice here, because in a way he is right that he can't make her go to her mum- st the same time he needs to make sure he treats his wife appropriately.I have the feeling he is not putting his marriage first , which is also reflected in his behaviour when his 20 year old demanding princess comes over.
Allover I think you are right and you need to have some alone time with your husband here and there.To be honest, maybe you couold go away on the weekend and leaving the 16 year old at home?With the neighbours knowing in case she needs something?Or is she irresponsible?then get her to go to the grandparents or another adult.
Thanks for your reply
Thanks for your reply oncechoosetosmile. You are right, 16 is still a kid and they are very selfish. I have had 2 myself at that age. I am just not sure if it's a lack of understanding or if he wants her so badly to live here to not piss her off. It was her choice to come live with us, which I am fine with. She has a wild side to her, caught her sneaking out at 4 am in the morning, so not sure I would be comfortable with her being here on the weekend (actually overnight), by herself. we have caught her in several lies in the past year.. she likes my things and tends to "borrow" them. I have a daughter as well, and she always asked before hand or sent me a text as I would her. I was very vague in my first message of all the circumastances that led me to post...I had to put a lock on my college students door, cause shoes, bras, underwear, came up missing this summer but found in the SD room...which he excused as must have been mixed in the laundry cause she said she didn't take it.. ok..it was missing for 2 weeks...laundry does not sit in my house for 2 weeks... I am just so frustrated lately...and I appreciate any advice or feedback...
I did the same kinda stuff,
I did the same kinda stuff, but was even younger than that. I was about 13 when my sister and I were sneaking out. 16 is plenty old enough to be left at home. Just lock up what you don't want accessed, and go. In 2 years she will be an adult and fully responsible for herself. How does anyone expect her to grow up if you don't take baby steps to get there?