What to say to a 10 and 8 year old when they do nothing but talk non stop about BM and FSD?
Forums:
My two SD's love to talk about BM and what BM is doing, that BM's phone died, that BM had a BM. LOL! So, I know it is a small thing but can you all join in and tell me some quick responses that I could reply with the next time?
I have already used, "That's nice." "Wow!" "How do you feel about that?" "Great!" and oh, I have said absolutely nothing and changed the subject. I have also been the friend who listens to everything but then I want to reply and you get the picture...AVOID!
In their BM's home, they are not aloud to speak of us. EVER. Makes BM upset. Awe....
Love it gals, thanks. Now,
Love it gals, thanks. Now, what would you say if you could?! It's pretend (therapy) time!
I would say, in the sweetest
I would say, in the sweetest voice I could muster: "It's great that BM is doing all these things for herself. Now tell me, when was the last time she did something with YOU?"
SD14 constantly did this to
SD14 constantly did this to me. Finally, she got the hint when I'd get up and walk out of the room every time she brought up her mother. I got tired of the "That's nice", "Great", blah blah. I found that she'd bring up BM and all the 'fun' they had together when they were a REAL family with DH (her words) just to hurt me and see if she could get a rise out of me.
DH would try to change the subject and she'd go right back to BM and how her family was so fun when they were all together. DH would try and interject and say "but WE have a great time now that I'm happy with Mel, we're a family too" and she'd ignore him and go right back to talking up BM.
So, I would get up and leave. Since she wasn't getting a rise or reaction from me, she eventually stopped talking about her because DH clearly didn't care and I would leave the room altogether!
Worked for me
~Mel
If I could say what i
If I could say what i want?
1. mommy has so many babies so that the all of the daddies can pay her
2. so sad that you have moved 4 times last year because there is such problem with the lightbulbs... tell mommy to pay the bill.
3. It's sooooo cool your mommy doesn't have to go to work so she can play all day! She DOES have a full time job- google " welfare trash."
4. No- amusement parks never close exactly on the days she says she will take you.
5. Let me tell you a little story about "pathological liars" and "fraud over $5000" and why your daddy doesn't talk to mommy.
6. Let me show you those police reports that prove she is a POS.
LMAO Don't we all wish we
LMAO
Don't we all wish we could tell the truth in our homes!
Holy crap... are we dealing
Holy crap... are we dealing with the same BM???
hahahahahaha LOVE IT!!!
hahahahahaha LOVE IT!!!
I do the same thing, only
I do the same thing, only because 99% of the time it's "but a mommy's house we're allowed to ....."
That's nice. You can do that when you go back to mommy's house. You're not allowed to do that here.
Anything else they say about her I just tune out .. "mommy bought me this", "mommy got a new ...", etc.
I find leaving the room to be
I find leaving the room to be the most effective with my SD14. If I give her any type of look or response, it feeds into exactly what she wants and she keeps on talking. If I leave, she has no audience because DH doesn't give a rat's ass if she talks about her mom. He just nods and says Ok, and that's nice...so then she quits talking! It was quite amusing once I found the way to block her from getting what she wanted!
~Mel
I use the same tactic. I look
I use the same tactic.
I look at her as if she's speaking Japanese, which I don't speak, and leave the room. Or turn to DH and go off topic completely.
Her BM tells her inappropriate things on the phone, so sometimes after she speaks to her on the phone, she is all crazy eyed about something her BM has told her. Last time it was "her friend was over and had a seizure and the ambulance came. They were at the hospital. That's why BM didn't call for 4 hours..." both DH and I looked at her, then looked at each other and talked about something else entirely.
It's incessant. I feel for you....
No, what I'm saying is that
No, what I'm saying is that it DID work. I'd leave the room, she'd stop. And I didn't have to do it more than a few times to get my point across. She eventually stopped bringing up BM or their "family" with DH altogether. That's why I said it worked for me.
I get your point entirely and initially I'd make myself scarce or avoid going home entirely when I knew she'd be there. When I realized it was playing into what she wanted (her daddddddy all to herself!! YAY for her!!!) I stopped. I'd be sure to be in the same room with them all the time and talk about DH and I, our trips together, our love for each other, our upcoming wedding, everything and anything I knew would get to her. Eventually, SHE started leaving the room! And yep, I got what I wanted! Her out of my sight and DH and I alone
She no longer graces us with her presence and I'm perfectly fine with that. But if she decides that she wants to be a part of our lives again, it's all on our terms. And once we move into the 1 bedroom apartment in Oct, she no longer has a room to go running off to, so that may make her visits fewer and farther in between as well.
Stupid child - she had it made with us. We took her places, movies, lake, drives, amusement parks, etc. Her mother does absolutely NOTHING with her but allows her to run wild and have boyfriends over and friends in the house etc. No chores, no rules, no respect. She chose her mom over us because we make her accountable for her actions and make her respect us and our home. Oh well. Her loss!
~Mel
It's so sad, isn't it? I
It's so sad, isn't it? I mean, she's what 14? And she's making the easy choices because she doesn't want to be held accountable. I can only imagine what kind of failure she will grow up to be (or maybe she'll surprise all of us).
I know this isn't YOUR problem and none of this is your fault .. it's just sad to me because it happens SO often.
It's just a huge parenting fail. And she will likely end up with kids of her own, with an exH who she torments to no end, and repeat the cycle all over again ...
*sigh*
Yeah, it really is. Her
Yeah, it really is. Her parents spoiled her rotten, put her on a pedestal and raised her to believe that the world revolves around her. So, she's already gotten a rude awakening when DH finally woke up and knocked her down a few pegs. She wants to be just like her momma, she idolizes her and her mom acts like a friend to her, so she sees that as something she wants to emulate. Unfortunately, it's just not doing her any favors for the long haul.
It's sad, yes. And I feel for DH who no longer really has a relationship with his only child anymore. Her choice, her loss. Hell, MY daughter (also 14) said any girl would KILL to have my DH as their dad. He is sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful and generous. SD totally takes him for granted and uses his family for whatever she can get out of them.
Makes me ill.
~Mel
Holy cats! Your sd and my
Holy cats! Your sd and my SD17 know each other! She moved out for the same reasons... and now doesn't speak to her Dad or I. Were we strict? Yup. Unreasonable strict? Nope. Okily dokily
Crazy isn't it? I think
Crazy isn't it? I think we're better off without that little lazy brat taking up space in my home anyway.
She chose that life, she can make it work for her. I don't care if she ends up on drugs, pregnant, or so full of STDs that she can't walk without bugs crawling down her legs...HER CHOICE!
~Mel
Great stuff...I feel better
Great stuff...I feel better already! Bring on the BM talk - I am ready!
A few more I just thought of from your group inspiration...
Shake head, sigh.
"Poor BM. We all hope she gets better."
"They have medicine for that."
"I think I saw that on t.v. once! Yes! Jerry Springer!"
"I think you should go wash your face. It's dirty."
"Take the dog for a walk, would ya?"
"Maybe you should read!" They both hate reading....
Tilt head, sigh.
Anyway, it has been fun to dreamscape with you all a bit and I think I will stick to what I am doing. Subject change - quickly.
When my SD talks about her
When my SD talks about her mom I just ignore her or nod. She doesn't do it as much as she used to.
Except lately she's been talking about all of the medicines that her mom takes. Apparently she has TWO WHOLE CUPBOARDS full of medicine. She takes one and then has to take 3 more to handle the side-effects... blah, blah, blah.
WTH reason could BM have to take all of the medicine?
I have no clue. SD couldn't (or wouldn't?) tell us what's wrong with her mom.
My guess? It's all just a ploy to build up her disability claim. I still submit that the only thing disabled about her is her morals.
My SD is already starting to
My SD is already starting to do that crap and she is only 4. It’s funny because her BM is a complete piece of trash- no job, no education, no house (currently living with her third baby daddy’s mother while he is in jail), never takes SD when she is supposed to… you get the picture. Yet SD is always like “At MOMMY’s house…” I just want to be like your mom doesn’t have a house wtf are you talking about lol! Or she will be like “MOMMY lets me….” Again, who gives a crap! I don’t know if she’s doing this on purpose or not, being that she is only 4 but it sure is annoying regardless! Sometimes I just shrug my shoulders or say ok, or say so what? I have no set response for it. Last night she was drawing a picture and asked me if I could draw “me, you and Daddy”, which I thought was nice until she followed it with “MOMMY can draw it”. Lol.
My SD4 does it too. I think
My SD4 does it too. I think most of the time it's a button pusher to try and get me to do what she wants, or to let her do what she wants. "Mommy lets me do that" .. or "Mommy does this" .. or "Mommy buys me that" etc etc etc
You're right, it probably is
You're right, it probably is meant to get us to do what they want/give them what they want. Now that I think about it, that is normally when SD says it- when she wants something- "MOMMY lets me" , etc.
Amazing how young they learn
Amazing how young they learn to manipulate.
I KNOW the only reason they ever even try is because it works at BM's house. They go over there and "SM lets me do this.." or "Daddy does this with me" and BM jumps to respond and one-up us.
OMG hilarious! ~Mel
OMG hilarious!
~Mel
Lots of great advice - thanks
Lots of great advice - thanks ladies. I know I cannot control what happens over there nor do I really want to although shoving a cork into BM's vile orifice has crossed my mind from time to time. But, I do know I can control what happens here. I won't shut them up but I will practice indifference. And, as I have posted about other things, will remember that children don't come out of those golden uteruses, broken. Mommy did that and I have to remember as my DH always tells me, they have one childhood. That's it. We have to do everything we can to protect it. Everything within our control and BM really isn't a part of that party in our home, regardless of how many times she is mentioned.
My dad used to tell me when I was a little girl, honey, stop trying to save the world. Make sure your own backyard is neat and tidy and ran just the way that you want it to. That there is love, harmony and peace there and just maybe, your neighbor will want to be like YOU and follow suit.
Love that man...