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An interesting thing happen last evening and I wanted to share this........

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:07pm

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Blended Family Issues

Interesting thing happened to me last evening that I wanted to share with the group. SO's kids (SD15 and SS11) were over for the evening. I've had issues with SD for several years with her demands and pushing the limits in my home.

Anyway, we were all getting ready to go to the gym for the evening and SS developed a fever. SD still wanted to go to the gym but SO couldn't go because of SS's fever. SO asked me to take SD to the gym. She hasn't spoken a word to me in almost a month! Not hello, what's for dinner, you suck....nothing! I told him NO, point blank, I wasn't taking her and why. SD stayed home, angry with both of us and SO had to deal with it alone. When I returned, SO was sitting outside on the deck and seemed upset. He was talking to me about the bitchy attitude from his daughter and wanted to talk with her about it. I asked, "about being spoiled, misserable and over indulged you mean?" He said "yes but she's still my daughter" I replied with "I know, it's not her fault she's the way she is, it's yours and her mothers. I don't blame her, I blame you and your ex" He didn't know what to say. I was no longer attacking him with his daughters behaviors, it's now about their inability to parent effectively. He's already admitted that he agrees she's a spoiled brat. He acutally calls her "his little the JAP"...jewish american princess. I've never phrased it that way before and he was really taken by it, but couldn't argue because by doing so puts the blame back on his daughter. Someone he's spent the last 5 years defending. The moment he says it's not his fault is the moment I can then say, "so it's all your daughters fault? then deal with her."

We'll see how this one goes. I'll keep you posted. Wink

Tranquility's picture

Submitted by Tranquility on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 12:52pm

Yowser! You go, girl! haha Well, tell him that I have lots of JAP friends that don't act like a brat. Yes, I have had to do this in the past-tell the dad that enabling poor behavior actually means disabling their child.

These dads think it's soooo cute when they come from baby mammas house and tell him "you look fat, daddy" or "you need to work out more" or "your hair is thinning". Hey, if I think he is hot, who are you to tell your dad how to look? It's your father, not your boyfriend. She just mimics what she heard her mother babbling and he thinks her sassiness is so cute Blum 3

You are so right- it is not the child's fault, it is the parents' fault for enabling them to act like brats.

Oh- and what do you mean she hasn't said a word to you in a month? This is your home and she shoud greet you when she walks in and walks out. She will do this in other people's homes or businesses and suffer long term.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 07/10/2012 - 3:52pm

I have to say that I notice that ALOT of people on this site are saying that the behavior, attitudes, etc of the skids are a product of bad parenting or their "environment"...to a POINT this is true...but there DOES come a time when they are OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER and how they should treat people!!! They go to school dont they? They are around other human beings at some point arent they? Do they ALWAYS act like this or is it only to/around "select" people??
My son is 8, and I would like to believe that I have raised him to be a good kid and have manners etc. But I also know and believe that he DOES know better on how to act and behave and treat people whether he was brought up "right" or not.
I know and believe that the parents have something to do with it but seriously ALOT of these kids know what they are doing!!! They manipulate, control, demand, act up, etc because they know they can and will get away with it. Maybe they learned it and maybe they just simply do it because whatever they were doing wasnt working for them. Kids use whatever means necessary to get what they want and test us to see what they can get and get away with...

I just think that we need to stop constantly playing the "poor parenting & product of their environment" card and make these skids accountable and responsible for their bad behaviors and actions. We ALL reach a point when we "know better" & know right from wrong so please stop doing these skids a disservice and blaming the dh/bm/sp for ALL/MAJORITY of their behavior etc.

Just saying....

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Wed, 07/11/2012 - 8:25am

You can hold the children accountable, I agree with that to a point. You also said children will push to get what they want and will try what ever means possible to get it. If Dad constantly gives in, then it's dad's fault. Why wouldn't a child push to get what they want if it always works. Who do you blame? The child who knows better and pushes and still gets their way, or the father who constantly gives in and gives the spoiled pushy child everything they demand.

I hold both accountable. BUT......Dad is the adult here and can make the change happen. If dad really wanted his child to behave the way most parents do (i.e. you and I), he would change his behavior and stop giving in on every whim. If dad wants a peaceful environment for everyone, Dad needs to make it happen. The child in this case isn't interested in peace in my home. She's interested in herself. Children at various ages do have some narcissistic tendencies. Most parents will try to minimize those tendencies and get them under control ASAP to help their children understand that it's not ALL about them. Others will ignore this behavior and hope it goes away. Dad and mom have created a manipulative child. This behavior isn't inherant, it's learned from those around her.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Wed, 07/11/2012 - 8:29am

One additional thought about my last comment. Most of us step parents do not have the control with our skids. It's the bio parent who makes the rules and sets the guidelines. We'd like to have more say so, but the kids understand who to go to for the answers and it's never us! if this is the case, and we really don't have the control that we'd like to in our own homes, then it's up to the bio dad/mom to make the changes necessary in the child behaviors to create a peaceful and harmonious environment for all.

I believe this is more to the point of why I hold my SO accountable more than my SD. He can make the difference if he really wanted to!