Long-haired skids + summertime = hell in a hairbrush
Another post today made me think of this ..
I have two skids (SD4 and SD6) with LONG blonde hair (down to their butts).
They HATE getting their hair brushed or any type of ponytail or braid. By the end of a day, they have so many knots and tangles it's excrutiating pain to get them out (at least by the way they scream and cry about it).
Both have told me several times they want their hair cut shorter. SD6 says she wants a bob (not sure she even knows what that means) but I would only consider cutting maybe 6-8 inches and seeing how that goes over. SD6 also has extremely thick hair, so I would have hers thinned out a bit more to make it manageable.
I know BM will flip, but the girls want it, and they are with us 100% for the summer, so WE'RE the ones dealing with the wild manes. I considered having DH take them to get the cuts so I can avoid the entire situation, but my sister is a licensed cosmetologist and will do it for free (and do a great job). Plus, the girls eat up this "girl time" with me and my sister 
What irritates me is that I'm weary of BM's psychotic reaction over something so stupid as a haircut .. but I think I'm gonna go ahead and do it. What can she really do?
Well BM could have a total
Well BM could have a total fit...lol. But if you cut it now and you have them for the whole summer...some of it will grow back. If not get lots of detangling spray and work on letting them braid their hair to keep the knots down. Even if just for one day so they can see how much easier it is to comb out after a long day of playing
I've tried this, but they
I've tried this, but they usually end up pulling out their hair ties or clips. They like having their hair down, and want to have it cut shorter .. it's BM who's the issue
My DD10 had really long hair
My DD10 had really long hair and when she went to bed at night I would braid it so it doesn't get all gross overnight. We finally gave in a cut it up to her shoulders.
BD4 also has very long hair and I had to cut it up to her shoulders because it was unmanagable. It looks adorable now!
But speaking as a BM, I would be really upset if DD's stepmother took her to get a haircut without telling me first. But if its what the kid wants then I wouldn't be mad just tell me first. It grows back!! As long as its not a boys haircut!!!
But I also understand they are DH's kids and he should be able to take his kids for a haircut. I'm sure BM doesn't check with DH everytime the kids get a haircut.
Sorry I guess I have no good advice :?
Oh we would definitely let
Oh we would definitely let her know .. she will have a fit, I have no doubt.
I would almost bet she would call around the local hair places and try to cancel any appointment I might have made. She did that when DH tried to take her to the DR for a routine annual physical (called the DR and cancelled appointments).
It's not about cutting their hair for her .. it's about HER not being the one to make the decision and taking them to do it.
Hmmmm, as a step mum and a
Hmmmm, as a step mum and a bio mum I would be REALLY REALLY angry if my bio's step mum took them and had their hair cut. Not her job. If my kids need a haircut that's my job to arrange.
And in the step mum role - no way in hell would I go there. And I get why as a BM as well, but I know BM would react in the exact same way I would. My daughters, and hair styles and cuts for girls - it's a mother daughter thing.
But then, my girls LOVE their long hair, and cry every time they need a trim so I know they would never be in the position of them asking her to take them.
We also do the hair braided overnight, and I try to get them to keep it up during the day too, but I get the pain it can be at the end of a long day (especially if they go swimming and won't let you braid it - ugh now that's a mess!)
This ^^^^^ I feel like the
This ^^^^^ I feel like the fathers have every right to get haircuts for their kids, just like BMs.
Lets face it, the majority of
Lets face it, the majority of dads don't notice or really give a flying you know what about the length of their kids hair (although my best friends husband is actually the one who insists their girls have long hair, was devastated when the oldest at age 12 got hers cut short!)
Trimming no problem, full on cut or change of style - not on for the step mum to do that.
We aren't talking about the dad wanting to do it here, we are talking about the step mum wanting to do it. BIG difference. NOT YOUR JOB! And if going in you KNOW that the BM feels this way about HER daughters hair - SO not a battle you should be having just because you can.
Of course it's not my JOB ..
Of course it's not my JOB .. but is any of it? Is brushing their hair everyday my job? Is fighting them at bath time to get shampoo and conditioner done my job? Nope. But I do it. And if I didn't, DH would (and does). DH DOES want their hair cut.
I don't see how whether or not the majority of dad's caring about their daughter's hair has any impact on a father's right to have his kids' hair cut. And it doesn't make sense to me that because it's not my "parental responsibility" to brush their hair, that I should ignore the fact that they desperately need a freaking hair cut. Should I just stop brushing their hair altogether and let DH deal with it? At the end of the day, the KIDS are still miserable.
We're talking 6-8 inches .. on hair that is down to their butts. I'm not planning a full-on GI Jane style for them or anything. Just something to make it more manageable.
And to be perfectly honest, I couldn't give two shits about the way BM feels about anything. I would need to assume she has some sort of normal human reaction to anything first. The skids are miserable with this long hair. THAT is what I care about.
Am I dreading the BM flip out when she realizes we did ANYTHING with "her" kids? .. sure. Do I have DH's support in this decision? .. yes. Am I going to let what she thinks change my plans? .. nope.
So I should wait until they
So I should wait until they see her again at the end of August to get a haircut for them?
DH would never sign it. He
DH would never sign it. He would actually prefer to let her take an issue like that to court if it bothered her so much just to see the judge's reaction.
LOL how petty ARE these women?!
Do it. Who cares as long as
Do it. Who cares as long as they have shared legal you are doing NOTHING wrong. Hair grows back. It isnt a big deal.
Hair isn't a stupid subject.
Hair isn't a stupid subject. Think about how much time and effort and energy you put into your own hair.
Are you a mother with a daughter? Have you considered how you might feel for some other woman to override you about your daughter's hair?
Instead of cutting it, why not insist on a braid or ponytail to make your life easier while they are there? That solves your problem of tangled messy hair and does not create new ones with their mother.
the kids deserve to have
the kids deserve to have thoughts on their own hair style and the father has rights to how his children look in his care.
When you allow kids to make their own choices regarding their hair style you are allowing them to grow and become independent.
The hair is going to be
The hair is going to be brushed regardless? Or is SM saying cut it 6-8 inches and it doesn't have to be brushed the rest of the summer?
Hair, especially for girls, is a sensitive subject. Why not look for a compromise insteading throwing a red curtain in front of a raging bull? Most mothers would be livid beyond belief for SM to cut their daughter's hair. So why go there if you don't have to.
Sometimes even just cutting a
Sometimes even just cutting a couple of inches off will make it much easier to handle. Maybe instead of being so drastic, just cut off a little bit and then try to keep it up or in braids. By the end of the summer most of it will have grown back.
When I wash BD4's hair I use shampoo and conditioner and then I put in a deep conditioner and leave it in for about ten minutes. Then I comb thru her hair and wash it out and it takes away all the tangles without crying and carrying on. Then I put in a leave in conditioner after the bath. She has very dry curly hair but after the conditioner it looks really pretty and theres no knots!
We have the same issue. SD
We have the same issue. SD never wants her hair fixed for more than 5 minutes. She has always wanted it shorter, but because I wear my hair super short, BM told her long ago that she can't cut it. DH finally took her a few years ago and had a few inches cut. It went from a little past her shoulders to shoulder length. Big freaking deal. She felt like a million bucks and was thrilled. When BM got her back, she said, "WHAT did you DO?!" Stupid hag. DH just said, "SD, I think your hair is BEAUTIFUL." After the ass chewing he got for that, he won't deal with the hair anymore. So I just keep encouraging SD that hopefully someday she'll get to wear her hair how she wants. (Subtly encouraging rebellion against BM? Absolutely.) I just keep hoping that someday there will be a knot way up high that won't come out and requires a cut.
"Here SD go play with these
"Here SD go play with these scissors.........send a picture to your mom......BM I dont know what she did, she was in a room alone for 5 minutes. She has an appointment tomorrow to fix it."
My first experience as a
My first experience as a counselor at church camp, we had 10 little girls go. They ranged in ages from 13-8. They ALL had long hair except for 2 of them.
I was 18.
When I got home at the end of that week, I saw my mom and I cried.
Then I swore that my girls could have long hair if they take care of it. If not, cut it.
Not short, just a controllable length.
I have nightmares when I think about that week and all the long hair. AARRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!
my mom was a hair nazi bitch.
my mom was a hair nazi bitch. made me wear it long, but i was a little kid and she did nothing to help me with it, so i went to school with knots in it all the time. i wanted it cut, she wouldn't allow it. i had to deal with it alone just so she could enjoy looking at it. :?
i understand where you are and most definitely where the girls are coming from. however, i would not do this without bm's ok. i would be enraged if anyone got my daughter's hair cut without clearing it with me. it will likely open a huge can of worms for you to be dealing with for a long time. sd wanted me to put highlights in her hair when she was 12. i told her she had to call bm first. bm said it was ok, but had i done that without asking, it probably would have turned out completely different with bm.
I understand what everyone is
I understand what everyone is saying, but I don't honestly think a haircut is that big of a deal. I know 6-8 inches seems like a lot, but their hair is to their butts .. 6 inches off would still leave their hair down to the middle of their backs at least. But it would make things so much more manageable!
I'm going to have DH let BM know he's taking them to have it done. I'll tag along for the trip and get my hair trimmed too, but DH will be there the entire time.
BM will have to get over it. By the time they see her again in August, she probably won't suspect it was too much more than a trim.
This issue is actually really
This issue is actually really interesting. Society expects stepmoms to be parental, but as soon as a decision like this needs to be made, stepmothers get NO rights. I say that if you have that kind of relationship with them, go for it. I wouldn't do it to SD, but we aren't that close. My stepmother took me to get my ears pierced, but we were close.
Thank you! This is precisely
Thank you! This is precisely how I feel about it!
daysleeper-very
daysleeper-very interesting-another example of responsibility without authority!