Confused; is BM being irrational?
So my DH and his ex were never married, but we're together for four years. They got together when her daughter was six months old. While they were together he lived with them, and partook in helping with her daughter. She has not been abandoned by her father by any means. He plays an active role in his daughters life. My SO accidentially got BM pregnant and they soon split up after their son was born. We started dating about five months after, making the daughter 5 and his son 7 months. Since then, BM refuses to let us have his son for any amount of time. When we do have him, he has to fight for hours with her, usually by phone while we sit in the car in front of her house, even though we plan our schedules a month in advance so she has ample time to let us know what days work for her. We moved to another state to get away from her being obsessive and controlling. (ex she reported the car stollen, even though the title was in both their names multiple times) Now her excuse for not letting us see the baby, now two, is because she wants us to take both the children. She thinks that it is emotionally damaging to her children for them to be apart for any amount of time because of their young age, and that her daughter deserves our attention as well, even though biologically she is not my SO's and has a loving father. Also, my SO does not want to be a part of her daughters life. Not to be cruel, but because he wants to focus on his son and our life together, not their past and their life.
Now, I am at a loss for what to do. BM has gone through the effort of sending me Facebook messages, berrating me for not wanting to take her daughter. Also accusing me of homewrecking and being emotionally cruel to her children. I really don't know if it's her being unreasonable or if it's just normal for mothers to feel that way. I haven't answered her messages, but I fear the time to finally meet and confront her is approaching with SS's birthday that we've been invited to.
We are going to the court house to file for visitation rights since she won't oblige, but I'd like to hear someone else's opinion on it.
^^exactly this. Get the order
^^exactly this. Get the order so she can't say anything. The kids is 2 now and you have a good shot at overnight visits. You are not responsible for the other child. Don't feel guilty for that at all.
According to BM the other dad
According to BM the other dad takes both the children often, as well as my SO's mother. She also brags that her daughter's father's SO and her are now best friends, but my SO states that she refused to let her daughter see her BD for the first three years of her life for more then a few hours every couple of months. I feel as if we have no choices other then bowing down to her or goin through the courts and enforcing visitation strictly with the law on our side.
It's frustrating, but good to know that I'm not the only one baffled by her rationale.
OMG that is nuts. Your dh
OMG that is nuts. Your dh needs to go to court and get a CO for visitation with his son (and only his son) tell the BM she can go suck eggs with reguards to you having HER DAUGHTER as well. Tell your dh to document document document EVERYTHING. Email's, texts ect. What a nutjob.
Once he gets a court order
Once he gets a court order she can be held in criminal contempt of court for failing to produce the kid(s). After a court order of visitation is issued by the court Daddy should have his attorney send her a letter reminding her of that. Women have been jailed under these circumstances.
Why is she allowed on your Facebook page? For heavens sake woman block her and on any other social sites you belong to. Block her on your cell phone and in your email. You don't talk to her and you don't go to her home for any reason.
Maybe someday if she becomes reasonable but for now - no contact - period.
The problem with blocking her
The problem with blocking her also has been an issue. I've had her blocked until recently, when she created a new profile and started commenting on my MIL's photos of my SS that I tagged MIL in. I thought she was finally being rational and wanted to better the relationship we all have, so I continued to let her see the photos. Recently she sent the Facebook messages, and has been reblocked, but she's obtained my phone number through MIL, under the pretense that she needed to contact my SO and he couldn't be reached (on purpose...).
Also, I avoid her at all cost. I haven't even physically met or spoken to her yet. The only reason I go with my SO to pick up his son is because we live in another state, and take SS to my mother's an hour and a half away. As much as I would love him to drop me off and go back to pick up SS alone, it's fiscally ridiculous. Trust me, I do not want to give this woman any motives for disliking me. I've stayed out of their business for the entire time, but now she's dragging me into it and I'm very uncomfortable.