I think I'm done
Long story short:
-married woman with three kids 5.5 years ago.
-we immediately had a daughter who is now 5
-i've never had a close relationship with stepkids. Generally speaking, 1 likes me, two don't really think I'm all that.
-mom and I have never agreed on how kids should be raised. I'm more strict, she's manipulated by them.
-mom sides with them against me.
-additionally, mom ended up not being who I thought she was. She's a control freak and very critical of many things I do.
-Bio dad does as little as possible. He does not stick to custody arrangement and mom unwilling to "turn kids away" means I just have to deal with having them around when they shouldn't be here.
-we're both teachers so have summer off, now the kids will just be with us all summer since dad works 9-5 and it wouldn't be right to just leave them at his house during the day (I wouldn't have a problem with that).
-bio dad immediately started paying less child support than he was supposed to. Due to various factors wife never pursued missing cash.
-i'm now sick of this marriage, it isn't anything like i thought it would be. I think I want a divorce. This blended family stuff sux.
=Thanks for listening.
I wish u the best. Follow
I wish u the best. Follow your heart to happiness and lean on your friends/family as much as possible.
Read this and see if it
Read this and see if it helps. I did it and my life changed a lot and I'm still married to my wife. I had to come up with this idea on my own but this article goes into much more detail than my explanation so read it through. It'll be easier than a divorce.
Make sure you tell husband ahead of time. In addition the point of having the children over is to be with Dad. Tell your husband if he wants to keep the children full time during the summer they all will have to be signed up for day camp so they'll be away all day. Wouldn't hurt for all the kids to go. Expensive considering the numbers but you can get a job since they're gone and pay for all of it. Better to work 6 hours a day than take care of XX number of kids.
Anyway read this:
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
The OP is a man and the
The OP is a man and the stepkids belong to his wife and live in his home with him and his wife.
I have read the disengaging essay many times over the years. I find it almost impossible to do in custodial step situations.
I wouldn't walk out just yet,
I wouldn't walk out just yet, I would try counseling first. Skids don't stay forever and you have a child of your own to think about too. Maybe a neutral third party can help you and your wife compromise on your differences and work things out.
Did you and your wife jump into things quickly?
Is there no love left for you
Is there no love left for you wife? I'd at least give it a go to make it work.
You say blended families suck , but now that you have a kid you will ALWAYS be a part of a blended family. That's something to consider.
Obvious point number 1 is
Obvious point number 1 is that your wife is the problem. She needs to discipline her kids and not let her ex off with a free ride basically. If she cant do that then you either need to learn to live with it or leave. Staying there and battling about it will only make you hate eachother and as much as you dislike the kids that is not fair on them. Good luck to you x
I think a lot of these
I think a lot of these situations are arising because of summer break and the anxiety of all being together in the same house for 12 weeks. The thought of that would send any sane person over the edge! I am also off in the summer, and I am already annoyed.
I don't think Mom is going to go for the summer camp thing. 3 kids in that is going to be EXPENSIVE. You can look into low cost or free VBS camps for the kids. My son will go to a soccer camp every month for a week at a time. Do you have any family you can visit for a week or so? Take your 5 year old with you and just go!!
You should know the ages of
You should know the ages of the kids actually since they aren't little. The oldest is an adult and is now living on his own (whoops, sorry!). The next one down is 16 and then 13. Summer camp ain't happenin'. BTW, is there any age worse than a 13 year old girl? I say this with no malice intended, it just seems like this is a bad age for all kids regardless of how they've been before that. It's when they start to think adults are all idiots and they know everything...
Oh the horrors of 13 year old
Oh the horrors of 13 year old girls. I work with mean girl kiddults that are not much better believe it or not...every day after work I thank God for the 3 boys I have. Had I had a teen stepdaughter my story may not be the same.
We all have issues, the reason why my situation is so much better than many on here is that 1) my stepkids were toddlers when I married their dad (there bio mom was never around) and 2) my husband and I are on the same page parenting and discipline wise.
I have really never had any problems with my stepkids. They are good kids, respectful, good grades, athletes, etc.
Good luck! Summer will be over before you know it...depressing I know.
Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks for the feedback. When I wrote that last night I was pretty down, looking at it now it seems a bit much. Having said that, it's true that I'm feeling very frustrated. This is the one place where I can assume people will understand what I'm talking about.
One annoying thing about being as step-parent is having no real control over the skids. This doesn't mean discipline so much, but rather the fact that the schedule is never adhered to and I'm supposed to just accept that. If I push the wife on it she asks me what I expect her to do, is she supposed to tell her kids that we don't want them here? I guess not, but that's what I feel like saying. The custody arrangement is supposed to be 50-50, one week here, one week there, but it rarely works out that way. The skids prefer being here for a variety of reasons and so both bio dad and mom have no problem with it. Bio dad IS paying support, but he "adjusted" it to his liking and is not paying what he should be. He justified this based on other expenses he pays, etc... bottom line though is that a court should have decide this, not him.
For the sake of my daughter I would prefer not to get a divorce, but I really don't feel like having to compromise any more with my life. It seems like I'm always the one who just has to accept things as they are and move on, nobody worries about my need to have time with just my daughter and wife. Selfish? Maybe but that's how I feel. You only get one life to live and I'm not going to spend it miserable because someone thinks it's selfish not to.
Anyway, this turned into more venting I guess. Whew! Seems like a lot of us are not too happy with our situations, makes you wonder if there should be a "pre blended family" workshop to discuss all the plusses and minuses with people considering marrying a person with kids...
Heya, I am a stepdad to THREE
Heya,
I am a stepdad to THREE girls ages 13, 10 and 9. Their Bio-dad is useless, and pays no support. He has no custody but has seen the kids about 3-4 times in the past 5 years.
I make good money, about double my Fiancée, but I am always broke, due to supporting my three step daughters. I pay all the house bills, and she pays food and her car.
Now, I know I get made at times, and hurt at other times. I know that if I were single I would have a nice Harley and not the V-star I own. Instead of an old ford Bronco I would own a nicer truck, and would actually have some free time, but I also know I chose my life.
That is the difference between being a dad and a stepdad. A dad should feel obligated and has to take care of his kids, but a stepdad is a better human being in that he CHOOSES to step in and take care of the family.
Explain that to your wife, explain that you do your best but you need help. If she won’t help with the SK's explain you will disengage and focus solely on your actual daughter.
Also, during the summer take up fishing or another hobby, maybe teach summer school. You are not required to babysit the kids, let her do the work and then she will push back on Bio-dad.