ranty mc rant rant
For a long time now, i have been saying SS3 has some of the signs of autism. Does not socialize, watches wheels spin, has repetitive behaviours, hits himself in the head, does not talk as much as he should, walks on tippy toes, becomes EXTREMELY agitated when routine is disrupted, has had his hearing tested due to lack of language skills, ETC ETC ETC!
Now, I am not a doctor or an expert, but at the organization I work for I am exposed to information about special needs children on a weekly, sometimes DAILY basis. After noticing something strange with SS, I told my SO with great concern. He noticed something weird too and he would look into it.
Then he told his family. SO's family refused to believe me...basically took the position that I am the crazy, dumb, young SM trying to find something wrong with his son or put him down. There were rude jokes made etc...anytime SS did anything slightly strange when I was there, they'd all be like "Autism, right SM?" "I guess that's a sign of autism too." My SO, I guess relieved, took their side. Nothing was ever done.
Long story short(ish)...some strange woman walked up to SS's babysitter on BM's time at the park. And said to babysitter, "I have been watching this child play and he appears he might have autism. I work with autistic kids. Have you had him tested?" babysitter told BM, she told SO...AND NOW EVERYBODY BELIEVES IT! So...some woman who you don't know at all (how do you know she really works with autistic kids?) says this; you play a game of broken telephone and NOW it's time to get him tested. WTF?
I only told them bc I CARE ABOUT SS. Early treatment is KEY with autistic children...and the WORST thing you can do with an autistic kid is to mistake the signs of their disorder for bad behaviour and punish the kid instead of treating him for things HE CAN'T HELP!
My question is, do I say anything to his family? If so, how? It's scary enough news and I don't want to rub in face but I want them to know I'm sad they didn't listen and thought the worst of me. PLUS I WANT THEM TO GET THE HELP FOR SS HE MAY NEED!!!
My son is asd. Your SS3
My son is asd. Your SS3 sounds very much like he has it. It is standard for the family and particularly the in-laws, to refuse to admit the child has it at first. So I feel for you being the one who first spotted it and was discounted, but be aware that this is the norm for the bioparent too. Now it seems like everyone believes it and he is going to get assessed. So, seemingly you don't need to press for help any more. This is fantastic. I would have the discussion about your feelings with SO and get him to educate his folks as to where they went wrong with you.
Thank you. You made me feel a
Thank you. You made me feel a billion times better. I think I will talk to my SO. He is coming here soon. I made an offhand comment about it yesterday, but I think it just came off as jokey/sarcastic and didn't get across the real emotions I'm feeling.
I guess I need to make sure the testing doesn't get forgotten amidst the return to court etc. GOTTA GO HES HERE AH THANKS. HUGS>
You will never get the credit
You will never get the credit for any good idea. That's the joy of step parenting. All the luck to you...autism is no joke and you have a long road ahead of you. The more socialization he gets, the better. My SD26 is autistic and the only advice I have is get a suppOrt network for yOurself and the only way to get through to him is through his interests on his terms...its like a step parenting nightmare on steroids.
I guess it is enough knowing
I guess it is enough knowing that SS3 will get tested now.
And no, it's definitely not worth a fight. His mom just kind of brought it up to me when we saw her this weekend nonchalantly and actually listened to the info I had to offer. Not saying "we should have listened to you" or anything, but just started talking about it. I found out she used to babysit an autistic child...however, the child had severe signs and behaviours (and unfortunately, was blind as well) and I don't think she really realized that ASD has a spectrum.
I pray for my SS he is not on the spectrum, or if he is, that my SO gets custody in latest court battle. BM is unstable and wouldn't give him the attention and care he deserves.
I'd take a back seat now and
I'd take a back seat now and let the parents and family do their adjusting without contributing to the discussion yourself. ASDs tend to have genetic elements and, when family members get wind of this, they can turn v defensive and aggressive. U do not want this adding to any unpleasant inlaw or step relation criticism of u. Good luck w th custody battle! Unreliability is certainly v negative for these children.
i think i'm just going to say
i think i'm just going to say what everybody else is saying. the bigger issue is that FINALLY ss is getting checked out! i know it's tempting to want to say....see i KNEW what i was talking about.
just be happy they get it now. if you have children they will do this all the time to you. child comes in with some big epiphany that Mr. Teacher said in class and changed their whole outlook on life. Really? Funny, I've been telling you that since you were 5!
Sometimes it takes a stranger...kwim?
Is be more upset with the
Is be more upset with the disrespect and jokes at your expense. They didn't see what you saw and disagreed, ok. They chose to ridicule you and make you the butt of their jokes, not ok.
Whether you were/are right or wrong about ss's mental health.... That shouldn't have happened.
missed that bit... totally
missed that bit... :jawdrop:
totally agree with peanut. that should NEVER be accepted.
I did talk with my SO about
I did talk with my SO about the whole thing...he felt bad and apologized, but I never ended up talking about it with his mom. This is only bc I feel like her talking about the situation at all with me, even without admitting 'I know you said this first' was her way of 'apologizing' or making it known she knew I was right to be concerned in the first place.
Now the new struggle. SO is going for sole custody right now, but we have no idea when this will go to court (BM hasn't even been served yet)
BM says she has an appointment to have SS assessed, but refuses to tell my SO when and with what doctor, despite that they have joint custody and it says in court docs they are supposed to make all medical decisions together. This woman disgusts me...she doesn't think about SS at all when she makes decisions. Her and my SO only knew each other for TWO WEEKS, he dumped her, then she found out she was preggers, after swearing up and down she was on birth control. (yes i know, stupid SO to just believe her -- she already had one kid from some other random guy!) She's completely nuts and a nightmare to deal with. But obviously my SO has ALWAYS been there for his child, financially, emotionally, otherwise.
We have reliable sources saying everything she does is to make my SO's life difficult. She can't handle he didn't want to be with her at all so tries to drain him of money and make his life hell.
Wouldn't she think it would be important for the father of the child to know exactly what's going on, so he can deal with SS properly on his time? She's hurting the child (AGAIN) and she doesn't give an F, so long as she's upsetting my SO too. AHHH
It won't bode well for her in
It won't bode well for her in court if she is not including your so in this process.
I'm sorry for the situation
I'm sorry for the situation and have no useful input. I just wanted to say "ranty mc rant rant" cracked me all the way up. Thank you.
hahahahaha at times like
hahahahaha at times like these we can all use a laugh. Hearing that it made you laugh makes me happy. Its nice to make other people smile.
I was about to hijack this
I was about to hijack this thread with more ranty mc rant rant stuff, but I'll start one of its own. Again, sorry for your situation...but thanks. You made my day.
so glad. hope it continues to