Craziest. Idea. Ever.
SO and I have been together 2.5 years. He has SS3.5 with a psycho slut. him and BM slept together just twice; they only knew each other for about a week. everyone in the situation (including BMs own parents) tells us they believe she got pregnant to trap my SO in a relationship. unfortunately for her it didn't work. background: when SS was "conceived" (you'll see the need for the "" later) she already had another kid with another random dude who has nothing to do with her or the child.
everything is going...well, shitty...bc she's a psycho. but my SO is a good dad. However, I don't 100% believe SS is his. BM has slept with so many people...her former roommates (now enemies) and even her own family attest to it.
at the time of SS's conception, birth etc...SO never got a paternity test. he wasn't around BM much then, but assumes SS is his. problem: BM and SO have similar features: white, light hair light eyes etc etc. i think this kid could be anyones.
it doesn't matter anymore whose father SS is. for all intents and purposes, he is my SOs. he has paid child support since birth & had him EOW and 4 weeks/year since birth. even if he wasn't his, he'd continue to act as the father, because he loves him.
HOWEVER. i am SO tempted to get an at-home paternity test and do it myself. it's driving me INSANE. its just a swab in the mouth...get one while SO is sleeping; SS is napping...I want to know if this kid is his...I would NEVER tell him if he wasn't. But I'd consider sending the (99.9-100% accurate) results to BM with a "nice" note indicating if she ever fucked with SO, me or SO's relationship with SS again...her little secret would be out.
Bad idea, right? I've considered it so much in the past, forgot(ish) about it. But THIS brought it back to light. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Wy9cKefwuMQ/UDAEhuekjqI/AAAAAAAAUrY/0l4HRryipM...
Reading that made me furious.
I'm in a similar situation.
I'm in a similar situation. My DH told me from the beginning of our relationship that his ex cheated on him at the time and that he doesn't think his one kid is his. All my friends have made comments that the one kid looks like him but they don't see it in the other. He still loves the kid and doesn't care, but it would be nice to know. And, it does make me mad when people do this. I had a friend that did it to a guy a while back. We don't talk anymore, but there are a lot of people out there that don't have a conscience.
So, have you ever considered
So, have you ever considered a DIY at-home paternity test?
And yeah, I just want to know REALLY badly...I don't know why. I know it "wouldn't matter" to my SO at this point in some ways. He wouldn't stop being the father he is...he loves SS. Maybe I just hate BM and how she treats SO and his family DESPITE how much they love SS and how good they are to her OTHER KID who has nothing to do with SO or them! BM treats everyone like shit...moving SS two hours away with one days' notice...trying to deny my SO his time with SS bc he won't take her OTHER kid on weekends that aren't even supposed to be his with SS... and she feels entitled to this because of what? A one-week fling with my SO over four years ago? In which she either
intentionally got pregnant or (b) got pregnant from another guy and is holding it over my SO (probably bc he has more money) ARGH.
Oh wow!!! We have so much in
Oh wow!!! We have so much in common it's not even funny!! I've posted on here about this before... BM has tried a couple of times now to pawn her OTHER spawn off on us too!!! I mean, this kid has NOTHING to do with DH! We don't take her, but she still tries to get us to! I just don't get it!!! Get real! That one really annoys me!! And then, when we don't take her, BM gets her daughter to call her brothers 3 or 4 times a day!!! She has kids everywhere! 2 from before my DH, 2 with my DH (well, one for sure) and 1 (so far) after my DH. She had the 2 oldest taken away from her (I don't know why and really don't care). She even told my DH once (a couple of years ago) that she, and I quote, "couldn't afford to not have the kids"!!!! The court said that she was the "fitter parent" because she was on welfare and could spend more times with the kids! Wow! Real role model! She also moved the kids 6 hours away without giving us more than a weeks notice! My DH was crushed! Now, the bitch is back (lucky me :sick: )
As for the boy that my DH doesn't think is his, I won't get the paternity test. I guess I just don't think it's my place to. If he wants to know, he'd get it. Either way, the boy is his! He loves that kid and I don't believe that DNA would change that! Also, if I did it and didn't tell DH I was doing, it would eat me up inside. No matter what the results were. One one hand, if the boy was his, I'd want to put his mind at ease and tell him. On the other, if BM was trying to manipulate him I'd probably say something. I guess ignorance is bliss (for me anyways, each to their own).
the thing is, we HAVE taken
the thing is, we HAVE taken BM's DD a couple of times. my SO is truly a nice person (as am i!) and believe its a kid...it's SS's half-sister, once in awhile, fine. but then BM tries to work the situation...if she wants to go on a date (get drunk) & we can't take SS or her DD on weekends that aren't SO's (one time we were camping 4 hours away when she called) she flips. Her DD likes us (especially SO - only male figure she's probably ever had in her life) but she's told her DD on occasions like this when we physically can't take her that we hate her. This kid is 6. She already has no father, give the kid a fucking break.
That's the exact reason that
That's the exact reason that we don't take her! We ended up with her once! Only because BM asked us to take her in front of all the kids!!! What were we going to say?!? She planned that one out nicely. My DH talked to her about it later and told her no more. She tried again after that and we said no. I know that she would just start to expect it from us so we just don't cater to her BS.
That's horrible that she would tell her own daughter that you guys hate her! That's only hurting her daughter! I hate how people get so carried away with their mind games, that they don't see who they're hurting! I feel for you!
Also! Make sure you don't
Also! Make sure you don't take her too much (or at all) or give her Christmas, Birthday presents etc. Where I live, if you offer too many olive branches (best way I can put it) to a BMs other kid who is your kids sibling...the BM can use this as a basis for support. Of course, SO's BM would try this. Last time we went to court my SO's lawyer advised against the small XMas & bday presents we, SO's parents & gparents were giving to BM's DD. We can't give her presents anymore, at all. Which is really sad for BM's DD
We only took her that ONE
We only took her that ONE time! That was the first and last time! She caught us off guard when she asked us (since the girl was already 6 years old and this was the first time that she's ever asked us to take her.... a month after the girls dad left BM, so, of course BM see's my DH as a good dad and tried to pawn her off on us. HELL NO!!! That would just confuse the girl). It won't happen again! That is how BM is!!! She will test her ground and whatever you give her, she will walk all over!
Good, I'm glad you guys stood
Good, I'm glad you guys stood your ground & aren't letting BM get her way. That's how some of these women are...I don't know if it's Golden Uterus Syndrome or what?
"I don't know if it's the
"I don't know if it's the Golden Uterus Syndrome or what?"
LOL!!! I love that! I think it is! }:)
I have actually thought about
I have actually thought about getting something made in the shape of a uterus (buy a 3-D model they use in gynos offices or something) and spray-painting it gold and sending it to her with "golden uterus syndrome-r of the year award" painted on it.
Totally immature and the backlash would not be worth actually doing it, but damn it's funny to think about. Though SO and I WILL be sending her the friendliest, happiest looking christmas card ever this year. A cheesy pic with us in front of the fireplace, wearing christmas sweaters...with nothing but "Seasons Greetings" written on it. Not much she can do about that...hahahaha.
I just wouldn't tell SO. SS
I just wouldn't tell SO. SS isn't mine anyways so it doesn't really matter to me if he's his either, in the long run.
we love SS even though he's a shit sometimes, the end. I would just love to have SOMETHING, ANYTHING to stop this woman from fucking with everyone and everything i love...and sometimes I feel this is the only way. Expose her secret. Send her a letter saying "I know...and if you ever mess with us again...everyone else will, too." which is not true...I wouldn't tell SO or his parents. but how would she know that? She's so dependent on my SO's CS & the fact that ONE of her kids has a father...i KNOW she's so scared never let it slip herself. ps. i know i'm evil
Blackmail?? Honey, this is
Blackmail??
Honey, this is taking up WAY too much space in your head. It's not healthy to obsess like this. Have you considered therapy to help you accept life as it is?
You would do this without
You would do this without SO's knowledge or consent???
OMG, that would be the biggest violation of trust. As bad or not worse than BM getting knocked up "accidentally on purpose."
Some things need to be let go, not obsessed about. Nothing would change if SS wasn't SO's. You need to mind your own business and respect your SO.
Unbelievable. Just when I think I've read it all...
and about the swabbing...the
and about the swabbing...the SO and i are pretty ridiculous. pranks etc. it's a "prank"...he sleeps like a log and probably wouldn't remember it
I respect your opinion but
I respect your opinion but respectfully disagree. My "own business" is now dealing with this woman who is ruining the lives of everyone I love. My SO, his parents, his sister...sometimes my family even. She's also trying to ruin the relationship between SS and SO...and no doubt will continue to get worse as SS gets older.
My SO has become extremely depressed, anxious, angry etc...he's a basket case dealing with her (and the babysitters she hires off craigslist...and hearing about the random men SS and her DD see her naked with in the morning after the bar) and no matter what she won't stop. The court papers are set in place, she continues to disobey everything, we've been to the police, child protective services, and no one will help us.
I probably wouldn't go to these drastic measures...I love my SO and I get, what's the point? But I just want a way to make her stop. This is literally the only idea I have at this point.
I really, really suggest
I really, really suggest counseling.
Doing something like this wouldn't make ANYTHING better for your BF.
He's a basket case? Well, mayyyybeeee he should have been a teensy bit more careful with his casual sex. Consequences. These are his for his bad choices. Don't pity him. He did this to himself.
He poked holes in condoms
He poked holes in condoms himself?
When one engages in random,
When one engages in random, casual sex, one must except the consequences for skanky behavior, no?
Women don't have the corner on that market!
Men can be whores, too.
Of course men can be whores
Of course men can be whores too! And SO has accepted the responsibilities of casual sex, even though he tried to protect himself. Completely. Pays CS, every month, on time. Takes SS EOW and 4 weeks/ year...never once has missed time with "his" child. I don't see your point, at all. My point is that I want to be able to stop this woman from hurting people I love. If you read my last post, I said "I probably wouldn't go to these drastic measures...I love my SO and I get, what's the point? But I just want a way to make her stop. This is literally the only idea I have at this point."
This is supposed to be a place where people support each other & offer alternative ideas to the ones others have...which come from places of emotion and often seem crazy, BECAUSE WE'RE IN STRANGE SITUATIONS. if you're idea of support or advice is to say "you're a psycho you need therapy," you're a terrible friend. ps find me a therapist that doesn't cost money...because between bills & helping with SS, i haven't got a ton of that
Some people cannot disgree
Some people cannot disgree without resorting to juvenile jabs when they have no valid argument. Just learn to ignore it.
I think you are over stepping
I think you are over stepping boundaries with the DIY DNA kits. It is really not your place to test your SO's child, none of your business really. If your boyfriend wants to test the child, then he can. It's really not your call do make that decision for him.
And I don't believe for a NYC second that if the results came back that the child was in fact not his, you wouldn't tell him that. No way, that would eat away at you.
You also said a few posts up "I just wouldn't tell SO. SS isn't mine anyways so it doesn't really matter to me if he's his either, in the long run." so then I'd take your advice and leave it alone.
Please do not do this, it
Please do not do this, it will not end well for anyone.
If BM is a problem, then your BF needs to deal with her and put her in her place.
Believe me, I know the frustration and the temptation but please don't do it.
I get it, I totally think you
I get it, I totally think you guys are right...and if I really wanted to do it, I would have done it already. I've thought SS might not be SOs since the day I learned what BM was like (before I'd even met SS, about one month into my relationship with SO) and I've never done anything about it, because deep down I know its a crazy and bad idea.
It did help to get it off my chest though, and it can be fun to think about doing this kind of stuff, WITHOUT actually doing it. I can only imagine the look on her face...
Remember I said imagine! Not that I will see it...haha