I wouldn't worry about it. You can't control what people say. If this is what you want to do .. then do it!

"I appreciate their concern but it's my life and I'm quite happy with it" this is what you say if they bring it up again.

I talked to my sister before she got married. I thought it was dumb of her to get married when she did and to the guy she got married to. She blew me off. Two years later, she was divorced.

That's probably not the advice you were looking for, but usually if family members take the time to tell you something they know you're not going to want to hear, and generally they're good people (not stupid, or troublemakers) they may have legitimate concerns.

And people are always going to talk about you behind your back. In the case of family members, it's usually because they care about you.

If you are happy with it, why are you on Steptalk? I mean, really...Wow, I wish my sister would have warned me. Most people don't warn others unless they've been through it.

Good luck on your wedding...if that is indeed what you want and what makes you happy.

PS - I warned my sister over 20yrs ago when she was getting married. She of course, like you, thought it was none of my business and she was "happy". I remember telling her new husband at the church, "you better be nice to her". After that, I let it go. 20yrs later and 3 kids later, my sister is pretty darn close to an alcoholic now. She finally left the SOB and when she tells me what went on, and actually, I saw it as they were going through the divorce as he would come and tell us, everything I feared and told her was exactly what happened. He was an ahole, he was a chauvisinst pig, he would treat her like a maid, like a brainless woman, etc...well, yep, he did for 20yrs...until she had the courage to leave...

I know from experience that it is hard to take stepparenting advice from someone who's never been in that situation. My sister has also tried to give me her thoughts, which I graciously thanked her for as the words went in one ear and out the other (she had no idea what she was talking about).

However, I also know from experience that things (can) change when you get married and not always for the better. I had a great relationship with my SS for 8 years before I tied the knot with DH. But everything went downhill after we got married and had our own kids together.

I think that anyone who cares about someone will mention misgivings they may have before you take the plunge.

My dad did it with me with my long-term fiance. I never did marry him. Found out years later he was screwing my aunt while he was dating me.

I did it with a good friend of mine. It changed out friendship and not for the better, I am sad to say. But, unfortunately I was right. She divorced him before their third anniversary after he physically attacked her father. She found out later he was screwing around on her too.

I have a friend now who is engaged to a guy with 4 kids. The BM is not really psycho but there is a definite lack of boundaries in the relationship between BM and the guy. The BM lives off welfare and CS and doesn't have a car. He drives (about 15 miles one way) to TAKE her places! I have not voiced any concerns. I just told her that marrying a guy with kids can be tough.

No one knows just how difficult marriage (or a relationship) (to a man with a child/ren) really is until they're knee deep in it. And it is soooo very difficult for the first few years.

However, in my case, it did get better (depending on the day of course). Statistics show, that if you can make it through the first 6 years, the divorce rate drops and the success rate is even greater then that of first timers after 6 years of marriage. Its something like 75% after 6 years in a second marriage.

Even if someone "warned" me on how difficult it would be, I probably would have done it anyway. Everyone thinks they are the exception.

Enjoy your wedding day. Be thankful for your loving and caring family.

Ask your sister to go to Lunch. Tell your sister: "I really appreciate your concern and advice. It tells me you love me. Please just be there when I need you, because I will. And I'll be there for you, because you'll need me too sometimes".

Then hug, then get her to pick up the check.

Voicing an opinion when it may hurt another person is always hard. Your sister had a lot of courage to come to you. My husband's parents didn't voice their concern when he married his ex-wife; they should have. Had they done so, he probably would have called the wedding off and saved himself a whole lot of pain and sorrow.

They say now that they didn't think it was their place. It is always in our best interest to have people come to us, in love, and be honest with how they feel. Much better than to have regrets many years later and wish we had said something.

Best of luck ~

MR

My parents asked me only once when I married DH. "Are you sure?" I told them "This time, yes. He is a good person Mum and Dad. I know I will be on the other side of the world. But I know this one is a keeper." And nothing more was ever said.

Consider your sister's 'interference' as giving you the chance for last minute jitters. If you had any concerns or wanting to get out, this was your chance. But you are still going ahead with this marriage so I would let her know .."I know you are concerned and I know you love me enough to worry about me. And I love you for caring enough."