Help blended family for just 7 months and to much strain on our relationship
Hello, we have been married since last October, I have 2 girls 7 &10.. He has a son 11. His son hates my 10 yo daughter. Which seems to be at a manageable level lately. My10 daughter has CP so she is a little slow when it comes to some things, school she does quit well in.
My 7 yo is high stung, gets on my husbands nerves a lot. My husband is constantly complaining about my girls, what ever it may be at the moment. I'm not saying they are angels, because they are not.. 
His son lives with us, his Bm is a pain. But my problem lies where my husband let's his son sit in his room from 3pm until 10pm (15 min to shovel food down for dinner) so 6 hrs+ everyday on the Xbox, while he is behind in school.
The child has no interaction as a family, so that is something we are never going to accomplish. His father says he needs to be a kids! Am I crazy to think that 6 + hers a day on an Xbox is good for an 11 yo? All he plays is killing games, and is texting and calling people from the online games(his mother thinks it is good for him to have a cell phone)
Any comments would be appreciated, thank you glad I found this board...
My 16y.o. stepson is pretty
My 16y.o. stepson is pretty useless like that too...plus his mother also encourages him to be as obnoxious as possible to ensure future failure as well
Ihave tried to be there for
Ihave tried to be there for my ss to help with homwork, i want him to succeed in life, but my husband just keeps letting this go on? We fight constantly about it, thats how i found this site tonight..:)
I agree with this
I agree with this unfortunately my husband doesnt. I keep my mouth shut, until there is a argument then let loose..
Sounds like my SS20. He's
Sounds like my SS20. He's been addicted to video games since he was 8 years old. He's probably on the X-Box/PS3/Wii at least 50 hours a week (he doesn't work or go to college).
We made a rule in our house.
We made a rule in our house. Homework first. Then if you want to disappear into your room that's fine. But our sons are in sports and don't get home till after 6pm. So dinner and homework leaves about 2 hours for XBOX time. I don't mind the boys going to their rooms for XBOX. I feel there could be worse things they could be doing. And on the weekends we actually pull the XBOX out of the bedroom and put it in the living room so all of us are together. I'm the only one who doesn't partake in the XBOX activities. I think the key is to set on a number of hours that you find acceptable. BUT only if homework is caught up. If your husband doesn't understand the importance of homework then there is nothing you can do. Unless you have a good enough relationship with skid to say hey lets do your homework and then sure retreat to your room. I think if kids get help with homework it helps with wanting to get it done. But that's just in our house. I don't know about everyone else. I would no longer argue with him. You aren't going to win. If his son fails it won't be on your shoulders.
Rather than focus on the SS
Rather than focus on the SS and your DDs and how various elements of their behaviors are annoying either to you or DH, I suggest that you sit down with DH and map out the standards of behavior that will be established and enforced in your home.
If there are no boundaries it is difficult to drive any consistency in kid behavioral performance or in alignment between you and your DH.
I would tell DH when the two of you will sit down to discuss the boundaries and also inform him that if he chooses to not participate that you will post the standards and enforce the standards. If he does not like how you parent and discipline then he can step up and get it done before you have to. Or... he can bite his tongue and have your back.
Build the structure, enforce the standards of behavior, apply escalating age appropriate consequences until you get the behaviors you require.
Lather, rinse, repeat. If you focus on the behaviors and how they relate to the standards established for your home DH will find it increasingly difficult to ignore or side step the issues with his son.
E.g.
1. Study time is from X:XX -Y:YY every school night (Sun - Thus).
2. Performance in school and during study time has direct impact on down time. If kids are now working when they are supposed to be working, they can work when they are supposed to be having fun.
SENTENCES! Thousands of them. In perfect handwriting, perfect grammar and perfect punctuation at a rate of 120 per hour. Any deviations from quality and productivity standards results in additional sentense.
"I will do my homework and turn it in as assigned. Failure to do this will result in having to write sentences when I should be playing." x1000
3. 1 hour of screen time per day if rules #1 and #2 are complied with.
4. No running or screaming in the house.
5. Children will speak politely to adults and children in the home.
6. Any other behavior you or DH want to modify.............
You can’t win. If the bios
You can’t win. If the bios are fine with it you have to shift to “your kid to raise” mode. Focus all that energy on your own. Save you marriage by putting effort into loving your DH. Yes it means you have to explain the different rules and parent choices to your kids. Yes, your SS will have big issues down the line because of this. But it’s not within your control.
Pull back, wait til DH seeks help from you with his kid issues.. then he will be able to hear you.