Hello, I'm so glad I found this site. Please forgive my long post but I feel I need to give detail so that you will have a better understanding of my situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 8.5 years. His youngest 2 kids (girls) have been living with us for 6 years full time since they were in Jr High and now are in college. I was married before but have no kids. I bought my house five years ago (BF has no financial tie to my house) with the kids in mind so that they would be able to stay in the same schools and be near friends. We wanted stability and continuity in their lives since their BM kept moving them around when they were younger.

In the beginning when they were just coming over every other weekend, it was great. We all had a great relationship and did fun things and then they would go home. When their BM moved closer to us because she broke up with her boyfriend (she didn't like that her BF was more attentive to his own daughter than to her own kids) and she could only get a room in a house to live in. That meant she was only able to have her youngest child (10 yrs old) live with her at the time. The girls then asked if they could live with us (BF and I were renting a house together at the time). I said "oh sure, no problem" (BIG MISTAKE!!!!) I figured they would be with us until their BM would be able to get back on her feet.

Well, she never did. They stayed until they both graduated from High School and now are attending the local college.

The problem started soon after I bought my house. A few months after we moved in, the older daughter's cat was attacked by pitt bulls that got out of their yard. Poor cat died. Very sad and traumatizing for all of us. We talked about getting another cat to replace Kitty but we needed to choose as a family. The girls then went to their aunts for the summer and when we picked them up we again talked about getting a cat to replace Kitty. A few weeks after this discussion, the girls had come back from their bi weekly visit with their mom and guess what they had brought back. You got it! A cat. To say I was very disappointed and hurt was an understatement. I couldn't believe they would do this. The icing on the cake was that the BM was in our house bragging about getting this cat, blah, blah, blah, and all I could say to her was "Oh my God!" Then she sarcastically imitated me with the same statement. This in my own house! At this point, BF told his Ex to get the F%$& out of our house. She was never invited back. At this time, we sat the girls down (they were in high school at this time) and asked why they would do this without us. Apparently their mom wanted to get it for them. But I thought we were all a family and that we would decide what cat to bring into our house. If their BM wanted to get them a cat, great, but then keep it at HER place. We can get our own cat. Girls were very upset that we were upset. But that was just the beginning of the troubles.

Chores, bad behavior in school, shoplifting, all started to come down the pike. Now that they are in college and both with part time jobs, you would think they would be better behaved. Not so. In fact they are worse. Since they don't pay rent, they do chores. And very badly at that. One kid does the mopping, vacuuming, garbage (all weekly) and dog poop patrol (daily) and the other does, kitchen, dusting and bathroom (their own). To constantly remind them to do their chores is very aggravating and when you point out something to them they get very defensive. Well, about a year ago, I just about had it. I started talking to the oldest about how she had been neglecting to wipe down the counters after making herself a snack (crumbs, dirty dishes, etc) and she started making excuses. I blew my top. Then when the youngest one came out, I couldn't stop. I started to let her know that she had been slacking as well. Well, then she started to yell back and at that point I said she was welcome to go live with her mom. She made it very clear that I wasn't her mom and didn't appreciate being told what to do. Her dad, my BF, basically said for her to listen to me. Well, they now do their chores (minimal at best) but totally ignore me and won't engage me in conversation unless I start it. Its been getting worse and now I am at the point of wanting them out of my house for good.

BF says we had told them they can get through college but now a days, that could take YEARS. Why can't they go back to living with their mom. They can help her out financially and she can deal with their drama.

Any advice from someone who can relate is greatly appreciated.