In COMPLETE limbo
Ok, so yesterday I was pulling out my hair :)This morning I am SOMEWHAT cailmer in issue with SS..but still disgusted.All last night and this morning I been thinking about what SS said about me to his father, and thinking about SS actions towards me.Forgive me if this long but I am going to try and break this down as short as possible because I need insite cuz I'm still pist.
SS convo to BD about me:
1. I dont respect her
2. She turned me into the police ( this was almost 2 yrs ago)
3. She talks me to me like I am her B*tch
4. She dont respect me
First off, I have been easier on him then my own BS because I am not BM. Secondly, SS and my BS got into some trouble, it actually caused BF and me to split up over it, SS was caught smoking weed and the cop was only going to give him a citation, but SS always thinking he is smart threw my sons name out there doing a tell all thinking he would get out of a citation..and never ONCE mentioned his part in the incident ( which by the way was the MAIN factor in the incident). I knew at that time that my son was in deep and it was just a matter of time..But SS was so hateful he tryed putting it all on my son. SO...when the police came and questioned and had to record the investagation and told me what SS had to say I did not lie for either of these boys, so SS still blames me for telling the police what I knew, My BS doesnt blame anyone he just says I should not have done it..it was my own fault( Big Diff from SS).
As for me talking to him like a b*tch, I asked him kindly to vaccume and do not act like your kicking the dog to scare her..that to him I guess is talking to him like he is a B*tch.
So today we are suppose to sit down and discuss these issues as a family ( I dont want to but I will for BF).
I want to note again the disrespect he has towards me the past 3 to 4 weeks.
1. When ONLY asked to vaccume he told me I was not his boss and he not my B*tch,
2. He made a comment a couple weeks ago and said if I was ever pregnent he would punch me in my stomache.
3. balling up a fist and touching my face saying " what if I punched you",
4.Trys to tell BD he does more then me around the house ( which BD knows its a lie because SS is SEVERLY lazy)and BD told him thats Bullcrap.
Then the onther night were all sitting on the couch because earlier they was out there talking about when the kids were little and yada' yada and SS says to BD dad " Do you wish we were little again and you could do thngs over" ????? what the hell is that about?
Its like, he trys to pull guilt cards and stuff, BD never replyed but yeah if he could go back and do it all over he would of NEVER married their mother who is just as hateful as the 5 kids, she has the other 4 turned because the oldest kids support her and she would be on the streets..they are honestly her life line.
Of ALL the kids SS19 is the one that BD has done the most for because he lives with BD, and SS is sooooo ungreatful, manipulative, a liar and a story teller. I love him please dont get me wrong..I am not bias..but I DO NOT like the person he is right now.I have been with BF for over six years and I love him with all my heart irregaurdless of this immature drama all because SS19 was given a simple direction and KINDLY repramanded about the dog.I do not care to hear SS reasons out for why he is a as* to me but its a opportunity to assert myself and tell him about himself.He trys to treat me like he is a higher equal and he is not,and its all about him and not how he effects other people. He puts down his grandmother who did not hesitate to get him a attorney when he got into all that trouble, BD and his mother split the cost, Im all good if Im handing him money or he needs a ride or a favor..I am tired of him being two-faced and trying to make issues between me and his father, and I can not believe he told his dad I do not respect him ??? WHHHHAT...you got to be joking..I will not respect him like a man because he does not act like one, and if I did respect him its not the same respect I give his father. He refusses to see HE is the issue and the problem...like everything else in SS life its ALWAYS everyone else..NOT him!What I need from the good people on this site is some advice on how to handle SS, my action and everything so he realizes I am not his doormatt, Bd has stuck up for me and told SS if you dont want to be told what to do then maybe you need to get a job and get your own place, he also confronted the other issues with SS, but of course SS has a MILLION reasons and whys and well we have to bring this to the table now because of SS reasons, and that its only fair I hear him out as that was brought to my attention, and thats fine altho I dont find no reason good enough for his addittude, and I know handling it with some class will show I am in control..but ...I really dont know the words I could say that would be to the point in a right manner without losing it ....and thats what I need advice for. Sorry this was so long...ty for reading it..I apreciate honest advice.
I had cause just yesterday to
I had cause just yesterday to tell one of the boys something here (he's our younger SS's friend who moved in with us a year ago).
His responsibility is the dishes, I was missing a baking tin so I knocked on his door and asked him to find it for me. DH said it was time he was up and about anyhow. The boy did respond from behind the door but he took his time and about ten minutes later I shouted up the stairs again to him. He came down with a thud on every step and a grimace on his face and banged the cupboard doors and located the pan finally and slammed it on the kitchen table. Not a word from him!
I told him 'you need to be more careful about being defiant or disrespectful or I will be forced to think that you do not care about the roof over your head! He is not working, not in school, and he helps DH on job sites to pay his way and his responsibilities to the house seem to get neglected. I have cause to ask him 'is there a reason why you did not do X, Y or Z? He tells me there isn't so I tell him to get it done!
I try hard not to take it personally,the infamous ''they'' advise that, but you know what? It's really difficult to even imagine that something is not directed AT you when you are the only other person there and the one to whom the disrespect is shown towards. Damn right he meant me! No if but or maybe! I believe that the 'you know how he is' excuse is bullshit!
I do try not to let my buttons be pushed though, that's one helpful piece of information I picked up on my journey. Staying calm is CRUCIAL!! Once you lose your cool then manipulative folks will zero in, I know this to my own cost. One time I snapped back at SD after hours of goading me she tried the 'pity me' card and all I said to her was 'boo phukking hoo' and she immediately called her probation officer and told her I was mean to her. I took her in for a review meeting and the officer asked about the incident. I apologized for using foul language!! The officer had to leave the room, her shoulders were shaking with laughter on the way out...SD was focussing her venom on me so did not see it. The officer came into the room and arrested SD for the violations she'd incurred before the 'incident' and I drove home!
My point, there is one, is that the second you give them anything at all they will manipulate it. Give them NOTHING, do not even respond to anything they say or do because it's designed to goad you and the second they see you cave they have WON in their minds. It's one of the most difficult things to do, I know it! It's very important not to enter into what they call 'a pissing contest' with a child, be that older or younger or even husband at times!!
TO GIVEITAGO :Thanks for your
TO GIVEITAGO :Thanks for your advice, and you are right, but my concern is even after this little family meeting to nite I know it will change nothing, If he does not respect me I do not see the stress and aggiatation of bullying me and comment making stop. One of the posts here mentioned something about disengageing themself, I want to be civil in this little talk but yet after I want to disengage myself, what do you thinkmabout that? After all Bf told me for now on not to mantion what chores has to be done that he will tell SS19 and will check it when he gets home to see what he has done and if it was sone right. The issue is am the only one here with him and its a whole different atmosphere when BF is at work? I do like the line where you told S " Obviously you do not care about the roof over your head".. I think I will mention those same words tonight at this little family meeting..that is a good one.
sorry about the
sorry about the typing...lol..I have hypertention right now
To MOMTO2many: I agree, as I
To MOMTO2many:
I agree, as I have put my own BS out, But BF wants to work this out as a family, to give it one shot and said he knows SS19 will not like his opnion and will most likely leave anyways. Personally he needs some tough love and and some homeless nights I think too. He told SS19 that I didnt put up with it from my own son and packed his cloths and threw him out, but this is not originally my home..so I kinda limited and if I pushed up on it I know it will cause a arguement as it kinda did last night between me and BF, he informed that we cant just going saying SS19 is wrong without talking about it that it needs to be addressed :/
Everyone is soooo right but
Everyone is soooo right
but I have some awsume news 
SS19 arrved unexspectedly, told his grandmother ( who we care for) that he just here to wash his cloths and he is packing and leaving YIPPIE...Hallalluah. Says he is going to L.A because his friends husband is a truck driver.His BD was like...maybe he wll asked to be droped off up North where there is family cuz after all SS19 does have a warrent...actually 2 and is on the run from some prison time. Let him be a problem some where else and drain another household and be disrespectful, SS19 is going to findout the hard way that ppl will get tired real quick by supporting someone who wants a free ride in life period.
cuz he knows he is wrong and just tryng to start problems for me and BF, he has yet to say a word to me and I am VERY ok with that. BF came home on lunch break and tells me if I want to I can try to talk to him, said nope..it will just end up nasty and in a arguement and I refuse to go there, I will reman to myself ( blowing him off and distant). Then I realized I left my smokes on the front porch and went and grabed them up in front of SS19 because he does not support his habit..BF does..and guess what? BF is not here and I am NOT catering to SS19 who claims to have no respect me and talks me down and all that wonderful heart fluttering stuff(lol) so as far as am concerned he can Nick it, and aint that a b*tch 
Oh well, not problem...shouldn't be a hater you get what you give wth me for now on..I am soooo over done trying. I have exhauseted all my resources of kindness and compassion and over looking short comings. Its not that I dont care about SS19..ts that SS19 does not care so why should I? why even attempt? he can sit here waiting for his ride 
GOOD LUCK SS19..you wll need me..waaaaay before I ever need you.
Anyways, he wont even look me in the face
Yup...when they start to run
Yup...when they start to run out of people only then will they learn, Just like my SS19 his mom told him after a week of being there he had to go, SS19 is VERY lazy and is a mooch, altho BM is severly crazy I give her props as far as the other SK go because they are maintaing a real job, infact 2nd SS18 has his own place..and SS19 is older and wont do crap but b*tch and complain because he cant rule the home or me when BF is not there and EXSPECTS to be taken care of like he is 11 years old. I don not know how long SS19 will be gone as he has left and took all his cloths, whatever his plan is I hope its to keep moving on until he figures out that life is not so easy and he had it pretty good and let his addittude bring havoc...that the problem is and was him, ONLY way it will change. The addittude of enttlement has got to go!!! :)As for your SS having to go to those meetings dont bend,My BS had a drug problem and I realized all the ways I was enableing him and did not realize it, they like to use the guilt cards. Its very hard dealing with someone that has a addiction because addicts have MANY faces, stand your ground and if he slips the first time and gives some lame exscuse let it be known his reason is unacceptable, his hair had better be on fire and be at the ER to miss a meeting !