He's getting the boot tonight (please read and talk to me!)
I am the idiot who's dh is an alcoholic addict, sometimes drug addict too. He hasn't seen the SK since April. He lives and mooches off of ME. I was just babysitting his durned kid while he layed around drunk and high and caused fights. The family of this kid was no help. When I'd call them and tell them to come get the kid because dh was drunk and high, they'd tell ME to fuck off. I ended up stuck with the kid myself. I have children myself (four young ones!) I take care of my children, I don't do drugs, I pay all my bills. I just don't have time for any ridiculous shit in my life, specially not taking care of someones kid while they lay around so drunk they can't walk and piss on everything.
So... I put a stop to it. I said that there will be NO more visits with this kid until he can sober up and watch her himself.
So.. I suppose he didn't want to sober his ass up because he hasn't seen the kid since April. Last night he layed there drunk and asked could his kid come up. Yeah, it's a shame you have to ask for your kid to visit, but when you're a low life drunk and mooch off someone all the time, I guess that's how it goes. I told him sure if he stays sober enough to watch her. Right then shit hit the fan... He started cursing that I hate the kid (honestly it's getting to the point that I do hate her and I hate him MORE)
He then speaks up and says that I should be the one to drive the miles away to pick his kid up and drop her back off!! Why? Because he doesn't drive, he stays too drunk to learn how to drive, but he thinks I should be the one to saddle up my four children and go pick up his kid AND drop her off on visits? Why? Because he says that he doesn't want the other family to have to get out to do it!! He wants ME to have to be the one to do it and when I told him that was NOT my responsibility, he said that YES it was!! He said that him not seeing his child is ALL my fault. He said he takes NO responsibility for it and that he blames it all on ME. He says he tells his kid that it's my fault, he also tells the kids family it's my fault (not that I give a rats ass on that tho) I told him to get the hell out of my home and visit his kid and do as he pleases (drinking, doping up)
It was 5 a.m at that point.
He wouldn't leave because he can't drive, has no car, and has no-one to come get his sorry ass.
In the next little while, I am demanding that he leave my premises. He is drinking again. He is not on my lease and I feel he is a threat. His mother has called and harassed me and said I should be ashamed of myself for not "helping" him watch his kid. She see's him as a victim that needs help. I told her that she can be the one to help him.
Ladies, you just don't know how hard it is to take care of my four children and his kid while he lays so drunk he hits walls, then he always wakes up and starts violent fights when his kid is here, the fights usually start because he thinks his kid isn't getting equal treatment as my children. It can be as simple as my daughter not wanting to share her Barbie with his kid and he will wake up drunk like a tyrant and start busting things.
Thanks so much. I suffer from
Thanks so much.
I suffer from severe co-dependency. It has taken over my life at some points. I also suffer from panic and agoraphobia. I don't know how I end up with these low life men. I think that's why this scum is still with me. It's hard to say anything good about it, but he does take care of the entire house (cleaning, garbage, laundry) He lies and begs to me and says he loves me so dearly (but isn't that what addicts do?) He NEVER pays ANY bill- EVER. The last time he did anything to help towards the household AT ALL was in March of 2010 when he put new tires on my van. I think he did that because he didn't want to get his own ass killed.
He doesn't even buy any diapers. He doesn't even have a JOB! He gets SSI. I work a crappy job and make more than he gets monthly, but considering I have four children to feed and clothe, I don't make that much more than him. I am getting by on 1,200 monthly and he is getting $700 bucks a month SSI for himself and spends it all on himself, oh and the state makes him pay $119 childs support. He NEVER EVER tries not to pay that. That is like golden.
Call the police and have them
Call the police and have them remove him. He sounds like a threat to you and your children. Get the locks changed. You deserve better and so do your kids.
I am an old timer that checks
I am an old timer that checks in every now and then but I had to log in to reply to this. This man is a manipulative piece of crap that is using you. It is not your responsibility to fix him. You have 4 children that you need to raise and having this man in your home is damaging to them and it is damaging your overall mental health, it sounds like you never have a moments peace, I can relate I also lived with someone who wound up turning in to an alcoholic.
My advice to you is if his mother or a relative live close by take him there and drop him off. Yes you can call the police but if he has lived there for so long and you have no evidence of physical abuse and even if he is not on the lease he has established tenancy. Keep your chin up and I pray you get this man out of your life so you can be happy. Hugs.
My exh was a drunk too. But
My exh was a drunk too. But he had a license (suspended) and kept crashing my car and getting arrested. He spent 9 months in jail. It was a disaster. He would drive drunk with my SD6 in the car and I would call BM and tell her and she would hang up on me. He tried to ruin my life. At the time our daughter was only 3 and was petrified of him. The police were always at our house because of him screaming and yelling and breaking things. It was so embarrassing. My life was so terrible!!
I packed my shit and left because I knew he wouldn't and never looked back. He ended up back with mommy and daddy 600 miles away thank god. Some poor woman just married him and had his baby. I feel so bad for her.
I ended up marrying my soul mate and although I have to live with SD15 he is worth it to me. I am so glad I didn't stay in that terrible relationship because I was a shell of a person and now I have BD3 and we have a good life together.
I would take your kids and run far away because all they do is blame everyone else for everything and it will go on forever. He will not change no matter what he says and it will get worse. Your kids should not be subjected to that. My daughter is 9 now and she remembers daddy breaking her toys and us locking ourselves in her bedroom and him breaking the door down.
It is your life and you should not let some drunk ruin it for you and your kids. You deserve better.
Alcoholics don't have
Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take prisoners.
^ This. So absolutely true.
^ This. So absolutely true.
Yes so true. I was his
Yes so true. I was his prisoner and I broke free and I wish I could convince everyone else to do the same and take back their life. WHen you are living it it feels like there is no way out and I used to wish I was dead every single day.
I do not believe any child should have to be subjected to that because it emotionally damages them for life. My daughter now 9 cannot handle anyone fighting or getting loud and gets very nervous if she sees someone drinking and she was only 3 yrs old at the time and I tried to shield her from most of it.
Thank god I am now married to a man that does not drink just because he doesn't like to. I don't either and we don't ever argue in front of the kids. My poor BD9 has seen too much and now she has a normal happy life and I thank god every day that I had the strength to get the hell out of there or I know we would probably be dead right now.
I called al anon and they mailed me a pamphlet that changed everything and I realized I was enabling him even when I thought I was not. My family lived 300 miles away and his 600 miles away so I was all alone with a 3 yr old so scared.
Please for the kids find a way to get away from that craziness. Its so scary to a child. My daughter tells me now how afraid she was of him and she thought he was gonna kill us in the middle of the night and so did I. I am so so sorry that I didn't have the strength and courage to leave sooner.
Your children deserve to have a happy normal childhood because this man will damage them for life and the damage cannot be undone. You deserve to be happy.
You could have him committed?
You could have him committed? A drunken rage, a terrified family?
I know! Take a road trip, somewhere close by his family and drive off and leave the bastard right there! Put sufficient clothing for him in a bag in your trunk, dump it and him within walking distance of his relatives. You pretend you really need to use the bathroom and pull in at a gas station, he'll want more booze too...right? Then when he goes for a leak in a gas station that's an ideal opportunity right there (wicked evil grin). Leave a note in his stuff...telling him not to come back EVER unless it's with a cop to get the rest of his stuff, which you promptly pack up as soon as you get home. Go to court and get a restraining order, you are terrified of the man! AREN'T YOU!
Of course you will be THE biggest bitch on the planet but I am sure you'll cope LOL.
I grew up with alcholics
I grew up with alcholics sweetie, I have only just found your post, I hope by now you have left him or kicked him out. I hope you and your children are safe and well. Please if you have not got him out of your home at this time, then for the sake of your kids do so. It is no life for you, but it is even worse for your helpless kids. My heart goes out to you.