I would not stoop to her level. The more you banter back and forth the more she will try to use against you. She can take things out of context and really hurt your current situation.

Do not confront her. You will be hating it later....

Please follow Echo's advice. Honestly, I have no idea why you've let this continue as long as it already has. All contact should, unless it directly pertains to the children. Even then, it should be between the parents, not you and her!

You know what, this is your FDH's problem to sort out not yours. If you step in and start sending her text messages nice or not, if you start telling him to take the kids to the shop by himself and not with her it will never end. HE needs to do it, and if he cannot, you need to know before you marry him, not after. He is a grown man and should by now know right from wrong.

I can see you travelling down the same road as many of us here whose husband are too weak to stand up to their children and ex's. Is that what you want.

She's baiting you and your falling into her trap. Pretty soon your behaviour WILL be as psychotic as hers and you will have no control over it, you will just be sucked into this situation and become like her, why, because you are demanding your FDH do this, and do that (as she does). I get it, I am not putting you down here, I truly get your frustration, it is maddening. But do you want a life like she had with him. I suspect not.

Why on earth is she your friend on facebook, for goodness sake, she is not your friend or she would not be telling you she slept with your FDH. She is trying to control you, by being your friend on facebook she can see what is going on, by having your mobile number she can call or text you anytime she likes, she can find out what you and HER husband as she sees it are doing in your little phone chats -CONTROL, she is not your friend she is using you for her own ends. My suggestion would be to block her from facebook and tell her why - You have had enough of the drama, you wish her good luck in her life and hope all goes well for her - Done. No need to stir up more trouble by being nasty, she can stir up plenty of trouble on her own. If it is not too dificult to change your mobile no I would do that to, if it is, then don't answer her calls or respond to her texts, if she calls from a differnt number hang up don't speak to her. If she says it's to do with the kids, tell her call FDH. If she thinks you don't care about them communicating you win, because if she knows it bugs you she will never stop.

She is not the problem in your relationship with FDH - He is. He needs to man up and put her in her place - the ex. But if the kids are around any of you, then you all do need to be civil like it or not. It is not their fault.

Texting back and forth all day with the ex - Please. But you see, he is playing his part in that, she can text him a 100 times a day if she likes, he does not have to respond, yet according to you he is responding, I would be questiong what he is doing, what she does is irrelavant. No third person can come in and break up a sound relationship, if you two are happy then nothing or no one will tear you apart but if there are cracks in the relationship then it is quite easy for anyone to rip them apart. Don't let your FDH off the hook here place your anger where it should be placed on the man who is texting her back and taking her to the shops. You have no control over her or what she does. You should however have the respect of your FDH and he should not be doing things that upset you.

Those of us with the biggest problems on here myself included are the ones who's husbands will not support us, who are too weak to stand up for themselves. These type of men will allow their children to walk all over you and do nothing about it, other than blame you and defend the kids. For your own sake, for the sake of your relationshp make your FDH stand up and take accountabliity and responsibility for this mess that HE has had a hand in creating......for heaven's sake going to the shops with his ex please that is sending mixed messages to her and his kids.

I have been very harsh here, and I have done it for a reason, to try and stop you from following in my footsteps, we love these men, we make excuses for them, we for years blame everyone around them for causing all these problems in their/our lives - truth is, it is our husbands/partners that are to blame.. Not the kids, not the ex. The men themselves because they are the ones who allowed it in the first place, and by contiuing it they have encourage it, they do it because it makes it easier on them, and don't care tht it makes it harder on the new gf/wife they are the ones and the only ones who can and need to stop it, If your FDH does not have the courage to do so you need to find out now. You need to know before the marriage if your FDH is man enough to say NO to the ex and No to the kids when need be. They can demand what they want of him it is up to him whether he jumps through their hoops of fire or not.

Echo is right, sending that message plays right into her hands and only makes you look pathetic in her eyes and worst of all, just like his ex in your FDH - don't go there.

All the very best, this is a very difficult rocky road we travel I hope it works out for you all.

Here is what I would do in your situation. You and DH block her COMPLETELY from calling/texting your phones.

BM (I'm sure) has to have a contact number for the bio-dad in case of emergencies, etc. You have a computer, I assume? Get a MagicJack. They are pretty cheap. Don't give out the number to anyone else except BM.

Then forget about her. If she calls, she HAS to leave a voicemail (trust me, if it is important, she will). This also sends an email to you with a audio file of the voicemail.

That way you have cut out 99% of communication with the crazy BM AND you have record of any craziness she may let slip during the messages.

DH and I had to have a No Contact order put into the CO for visitation because PB was so psychotic. This was prior to cell phones and all the tech things you can do to avoid contact that they have now. Made life SO much easier.

Of course, this is all dependent upon your SO NOT caving and calling when he sees the BM's number call. Oh, and depending on the age of the skids - she will have THEM call to "talk to daddy" in a veiled attempt to get him on the phone with her. HE is the only one who can stop THAT.

Do not contact her. Let all communication be with the DH and the ex. Stay out of it. Insist that he only talk to her via email and only about the children. DH has no communication with BM at all. It used to be via email but now it is done through lawyers for everything...There is no reason for him to talk to her...

sorry in that lengthy post I forgot to say texting her telling her not to text him, then taking her to the shops for a nice normal happy family shopping day is once again is sending her mixed messages. Also by doing that he has pretty much made it impossible for you two to take the kids to the shops togethr for a happy family shopping trip because if he stops it now, and takes you the kids are going to blame you for stopping their mum from being there. Thus making these little everyday things difficult to do when you do marry and causes enormous strains and stresses on the relationship. But it is his choice to do it, that is what you need to look at.

I agree with the posters that told you NOT to contact her. If she knows that "you two are working through this" then she knows she can make a problem and it might just get worse.
I am sorry you are in this situation, I think you have gotten some really good advice above.