Can't take the smell....yuck
My 25 yr old SS moved back in to the house during his final year in college. We recently got married in February and it would have been nice to enjoy our first year together. He's very sweet but he can't smell and walking by his room and bathroom has an odor that will knock you out. I've tried putting room fresheners in the room,outside the room...pretty much everywhere. Plus, I'm scared of bugs since he brings food up to his room and never changes the garbage unless I do it.
This isn't all unfortunately. He has recently got engaged and uses all the money from his part-time job for visiting his fiance who lives out of state. What irked me was that when his windshield needed fixing, guess who footed the bill. When I confronted my husband, he justified it by saying it was a car expense. What's the deal? In 6 months all the bills will be his or that's what I think lol. We are already paying his gas so all his earned income is fun money. I would love that for me. He has a credit card. Why doesn't he put the expense on his card. Ours are maxed out due to my dh spoiling his 3 kids. Oh if this isn't enough, the 19 yr old SD is visiting next week on college break. She finally got her FIRST job this summer. What is with these kids? She told dh that the only thing she wants is to be pampered. I want to be pampered too. This is not the first time we have had discussions about his spoiling the kids. If I had known it would be this bad, I would have never married someone with children. I thought that it would be different with adult children but in many ways it is worse.
Oh my, are you kidding? I
Oh my, are you kidding? I tell you, I always wished for CS to end and then I hear things like this...uff...Although my DH claims that the gravy train stops when CS ends, I worry. I will not ever put up with him putting the needs of adult kids ahead of mine...actually, not even their wants ahead of mine. No, if he has the need to put his kids first, the can stay alone. I would separate ALL my finances and only do things for myself if I even stayed in such a relationship. Right now, I am trying to do this with my DH. I finally got a job (was jobless for 3 1/2yrs but used my savings to support us for at least 3 of those years, so he only really supported me for 6mos) and I will be splitting finances again PRONTO...not dealing with the crap. And just in case CS ends, I will be free and clear and can move on.
I feel for you. I don't have
I feel for you. I don't have any bio kids, either, but my boyfriend has 3 adult kids (18, 19, 22). They sound similar to your SKIDS, with the additional fact that they are some of the nastiest human beings I have ever met. They have no compassion, no concerns for anyone other than themselves, and only contact my bf when they want something/money.
Like you, I thought that older kids/adults would be easier than little kids, so I purposely chose to date people with older children. So, I can relate to you, because it is so much worse than I imagined.
Unlike you, I am blessed because they dont live with us, and that will never happen. At the moment, they are not even allowed here. They have tried to get my bf to let them move in, and thank goodness, he said no. We agreed on that before we moved in together, and he knew that it would never work.
It has been very hard, bc my bf's guilt and enabling were beyond bad. He has completely stopped enabling now, and his guilt has seemed to lessen (I think it will always be there), and the reason is (I think) that all 3 of them have only increased their bad behaviors...refusal to work, laziness, disgusting behaviors, dating a minor, drugs, lying, etc. They are so bad that I do not want to even be near them.
My bf stepped up and stopped coddling them, and that has made THE difference. If your DH does not do that, your life is NOT going to change, and things will get worse. The money he spends on them will only increase, and you will wind up supporting all of them. Your DH needs to put you first, and he is not doing that now.
Thank you for all of your
Thank you for all of your advice. The problem is my dh and the bm. The skids didn't create themselves. I'm separating my check from the bank account Monday and I'm buying low calorie food since I have put on 20 lbs in a year. they can fix their own food and pick up after themselves. I am not their servant!F