I met my CLs ex at the skids Christmas concert. Not exactly planned, but somewhat expected. It was brief and easy. She isn't bitter towards me since they were divorced well before I came into the picture and I am not bitter towards her as she keeps the skids majority of the time. I think I may even be grateful! Their fight isn't my fight so I have nothing against her. She may have cheated on my CL, but I have also not heard her side of the story and don't intend to. I just remain neutral.

Good luck and remember, their fight isn't your fight. It can be easy.

DH and I were together for 3 years (married for 1) before I ever met BM. She was pleasant toward me, even gave me a kiss on the cheek upon meeting (it was at SD's hs graduation). But the bickering between her and DH made me very grateful that I had never met her before. They are horrible in each other's presence, and I don't need that! I've only met her two other times, and they were brief. I don't expect to see her again until SD's college graduation, and maybe again if and when SD gets married.

I met bm when she wanted to look at our home to make sure it was 'fit' for the skids. I should have said NO WAY IN HELL! But I was stupid enough to think she was sane. She wanted to use the bathroom and took about 30 mins, then she tried to get the skids taken away from dh b/c she said our home wasn't good enough.

If i were you i wouldn't do it. But that is just me.

Melanie Christine - you sound quite submissive - as if you feel BM has the upper hand already. You don't HAVE to meet her any time if you don't want to. She doesn't get to "vet" you to make sure you are OK to mind her children. If you decide you don't mind meeting her, go in with your head held high, not apologetically.

When I started seeing my DH, I hoped to have a civil relationship with his ex, but for some reason she decided she hated me before we'd even met. I have not exchanged more than 10 words with her in 9 years. She is nothing but a thorn in my side. I wish for better for you, but start as you mean to go on - assertively.

she keeps going back and forth on wanting to meet you? if i were you, i would say no, sorry. there is no reason for her to meet you. period. she is playing mind games just by doing this- saying she wants to meet you one week and then changing her mind the next. make up her mind for her- awww look BM, now you don't have to worry about it bc I DON'T WANT TO MEET YOU...thanks though, really sweet thought.

maybe i'm just evil. but i would play her games right back.

I've never met BM. I don't even go with DH to pickups and drop-offs. At first it really annoyed me because he said my presence would piss her off and she would probably take him to court for some reason or other. BM lives an hour away so I was upset that my husband would be gone for hours at a time while meeting with her and didn't want me around. Then I started using that time to drink wine and I didn't care any more.

The first time I met BM I was actually trying to avoid her. She was bringing the kids back to DH's house, so I told DH I was going up the hill from his house & for him to just call me when she left.

It was around 8:00pm when she brought them back, so it was dark out. I was sitting in a duplex parking lot & she pulled up next to my car with her window rolled 1/2 way down. Scared the shit out of me!

She said she suspected I was there because before she came to the house she'd driven by & had seen my car in the driveway & when she was getting back into her car she noticed that DH kept looking around the corner of the house up the hill.

Anyway, she told me, "I don't know what DH has told you, but there are 2 sides to every story. He tells everyone I won't get a job, but the truth is he wouldn't LET me work. He wouldn't LET me have friends or even talk to other people. He was too controlling & I hope you don't fall for that." After that she told me that "We're still very much in love & are trying to work things out".

I said, "What is it about someone so controlling & who LET you do anything that is so easy to love & make you want to work things out?"

Her reply was, "If you ever lay a hand on my children I'll kill you" & then she drove off.

Since then, she has proven to be unpredictable in her attitude & mannerisms toward me. Some days she'll hug me & talk to me like we're best friends. Some days she'll take on a motherly role...like she's trying to explain the deepest lessons in life, & some days she's just a no-speaking flat out bitch. Regardless of the role she takes on on any given day, I can always be certain she will include jabs on DH & his parenting (or what she tries to make out to be lack of).

I spent years trying to impress her & trying to prove that I'm a good person. Just in the last 3-4 of our 10 years, I've accepted that she'll never see it just because she doesn't want to...& I can't make her. Don't worry about impressing her. Don't worry about winning her acceptance. If she's open to it, she will accept you. If she isn't, she won't.

Even with that, I'm glad I met her. I'm glad I've spoken with her. Not because it's helped things go smoothly between our homes, but it's helped me really get to know her & what she's about.

Like she said, there's more than one story. I don't agree it's 2 sides. I believe it's 3...his side, her side, & truth. I'm not too ignorant to realize that EVERYone recalls the same story with different details. However, even with that, I've witnessed & experienced her lies to know well enough that the side she tells is NEVER the most accurate. I wouldn't have been able to judge that myself had I not experienced my interactions with her.