The STUPID stuff we argue about.
So, I always tell people that when you have skids and a blended family, there’s a whole set of arguments you never knew existed before. We are a his, mine & ours family, and tbh, many of your stories make me feel a ton better about my situation, but it really helps to see that’s it not just me that gets frustrated with some of the irritating little crap!
Yesterday, we took the kids to a baseball game sponsored by my company. The kids got to eat, drink whatever for free. I’m not strict about what they do/don’t eat at events like that. After we got home, I figured we’d make the day a total freebie, and use some coupons we had for free meals at Chik-Fil-A, and then some free coupons we had for a local ice-cream parlour. Well, I guess CFA is closed on Sunday, bummer. So DH says let’s go to have ice-cream anyway, we’ll just do dinner/dessert backwards tonight. Okay, fine, as long as the kids agree to eat their dinner, no worries. As we line up for ice-cream, SD asks if having the ice-cream would mean not getting their usual after dinner treat. DH asks me what I think, and I say of course it replaces the after dinner treat. DH didn’t like that answer, because then princess SD decides she doesn’t want to get ice-cream after all. DH and I end up in a huge freaking fight over this. It was just so stupid. If this had come up for one of MY kids (including the one with him), he would have accepted my answer, and that would have been it. Don’t get me wrong, SD is a lovely girl and I’m not blaming her, but I just get so pissed off at this kind of shit on a daily basis. I know it seems incredibly petty compared to most of the problems I see on his, but it still raises my stress level and frustrates me to see his kids get special treatment. He doesn’t even realizing he’s doing, and totally denies everything!! Grrr…guess I’m just venting unless anyone has advice.
Feel free to share “stupid” stuff you argue about and I can feel better about myself lol.
Food in general. His kids
Food in general. His kids are super-duper picky. They complain non-stop about what I offer and throw away a lot of perfectly good food. The thing we really argue about though is that he tries to make me out to be UNFAIR. For example, say I'm making sandwiches for lunch. Well, there are 8 of us, so that is a lot of sandwiches, and I'm only willing to go SO FAR in catering to individual preferences and requests. So he acts like I'm a tyrant if I "force" the kids to eat something that isn't their preference-- um, hello? I said I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches, so NO. I'm not making so-and-so a ham and cheese instead, 'cause that'll just turn into THIS one wants PB&J, oh and now so does this one, except he/she wants grape instead of strawberry, etc. etc. etc. Come on, I'm sorry; there's a limit to how much time I want to spend standing at the counter making lunch. But I'm SUCH an unreasonable bitch. W/e.
We've also run into problems with "seconds." Again: 8 people. A lot of freaking people, a lot of freaking food. I have had to turn children down for seconds when there wasn't enough of the main course to accomodate enough seconds to be fair to EVERYBODY, but I assure you, there are always plenty of other healthy choices around to have some fruit or something AFTER you finish dinner! And besides, half the time they're asking for seconds of the meat dish when they haven't finished the veggie/whatever side dish! Lo and behold. Cat is a miserable, unfair bitch who gets off on making children starve. OMGoodness, give me a break...
^^meanwhile, I love the fact
^^meanwhile, I love the fact that he sides w/his kids on these issues, so they will neverrrrrr frigging learn to just EAT WHAT YOU'RE GIVEN.
We have a your/mine/our
We have a your/mine/our family too and I know exactly what you are talking about. One time we had Mexican night and had tortilla chips with the meal. We were all sitting at the table together eating. My DD12(I think she was 9 or 10 at the time) asked for more chips. I told her she had to eat all the rest of her food before she could have more of anything. So she eats everything and then asks for more of the chips and I give them to her. DD8 does the same. SD10 then announces she wants more chips too, she still had food on her plate. DH plops a handful of chips on her plate. Granted it is not something to freak out and argue about, but when it happens time after time that you are undermined and not backed up and ONE child in the house does not have to follow the same rules as all the OTHER children it leads to arguments over little stupid things. I of course freaked out. I said - SD you need to eat the rest of the food on your plate. DH says "there is not much left, it's not a big deal." I asked him to please see me in the bedroom and it lead to an all-out fight.
We also fight because SD is slightly chunky. Whereas my girls are RAIL thin. DH doesn't think we should encourage SD to finish the food on her plate because she already has weight issues. I agree if she is full then she is full - I think that about ALL the girls. However, DH will get after my girls for wasting food and not eating it all. BUT then as soon as SD wants a snack, ice-cream, more chips(as in above) she gets it. WELL if we don't encourage her to finish all her food because of weight issues - then shouldn't she NOT get a snack if she didn't eat all of her HEALTHY dinner? I swear something DH is just a complete idiot.
Then SD (who has low self-esteem the way it is - for multiple issues due to multiple reasons) makes comments about how chunky she is compared to my girls and DH gets after her for all the junk food she eats and how she never eats her fruits and veggies and how she sits on the computer or watches TV and we basically have to force her outside(or should I say *I* have to). Yet, DH can't be a parent and enforce healthy eating habits and exercise, but gives in to her pouting and begging.
It is so comforting to know
It is so comforting to know other families have these issues. My SS11 and SS12 are horribly picky eaters. Wont eat a vegetable, fruit or anything that even looks healthy. Their father and I have argued over their eating habits for 9 years. He would try to enfore some rules or consequences but would never follow through and when he did SS11 would just tell BM and... we all know how that went over. Now that I have a daughter their eating habits have become a major concern because I don't want her influenced by bad habits. After voicing this concern to my husband and being ignored AGAIN, I just stopped cooking for them. When they are at our house, my husband has two options; He can take them out to eat, or he can buy and cook food for them himself. I refuse to let SS11 and BM determine what I feed my daughter. End of story.
OMG, I can’t tell you how
OMG, I can’t tell you how much better I feel knowing it isn’t just me that has these issues. HopefulSM, that sounds exactly like the crap my DH pulls, it’s so frustrating!! Once we calm down, we will sometimes sit and revisit rules (calmly and clearly) and make sure we are both in agreement and make compromises when necessary, but it’s not always easy. I had to convince my DH that four hours of TV time was too much per day, I wanted a max of 2 hours. We compromised at 3, but I still sneakily prevent that from happening by given them chores, making them have reading time, or kicking them outside
The ONLY thing my DH and I
The ONLY thing my DH and I fight about is SD. The ONLY thing. This is the reason I don't even want her coming to my house. The whole week she is there DH just undermines everything I say to her. For example, the other day she was banging a hairbrush on the glass table. I told her to stop. DH says she's just playing. WHAT?? I don't care what she's doing, first of all it's dangerous because the table could potentially break and cut her, and second of all it's not her property to destroy. So if she plays with matches, is that ok because she's JUST PLAYING? What about knives? (SD is 4). Where do you draw the line?? And anyway, it doesn't even matter if DH and I agree on every single issue but for God's sakes do not undermine me because THAT is why SD thinks she doesn't have to listen to what I say in the first place!
KirbyKat, You are definitely
KirbyKat,
You are definitely not alone!!! The only thing we fight about are the kids as well! He is still on a guilt trip after 3 years of being divorced and so indulges the Skids but he wont admit it. Instead he says I am spoiling my DS9 and overlooking his mistakes...Trust me, I have brought him up right all along when BM was sitting on her ass and dint lift a finger to discipline her kids! My SS11 was a different person when I first met him. After a year and a half of living with us, he has changed so much and become more of a gentleman! I am still struggling to bring SD6 around but she just does not respect authority! And DH will bend over backwards for them.
He doesnt take a day off even if I am sick and lying in bed but he can take days off to chaperone field trips. The irony is, I have been asking him to run an errand for me for 2 months and finally the day after he signed up to chaperone the Skids field trip, he asks me which day he should take off to run my errand. I was so pissed I said I would do it myself. The sad part is, I know I am always second in his life,after his kids but he wont accept it.
The Skids are not healthy eaters in BM's house so I try to give them healthy choices when they come to my house. But "since they are having a tough life already", they have to have dessert after every meal. Just this Saturday, they had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, lunch at KFC, ice cream for dessert and then at night he made them jumbo marshmellow smores!!! but if I did that for DS9 (which I would not), he would be looking at me all disapproving!
You are SO not alone! I'm
You are SO not alone! I'm tired of all the arguing and it always seems to center around his son...and the fact that I don't ignore ALL the crap that his son does...and the fact that I expect him to enforce the rules that he sets force. He argues about the money he spends on food at Sams Club. I tell him that if his son didn't have to have all the junk food he allows then he wouldn't have to be spending so much money! I cook alot of home cooked meals and do alot of canning, baking, and preparing our own foods. It saves a tremendous amount of money so why in the world should I spend even MORE money because his son wants junk? His son doesn't even eat his lunch at school half the time so I end up giving the leftovers to the pig. Funny thing, my boyfriend gets irritated when I give leftovers to the pig...if his son ATE HIS LUNCH then I wouldn't be giving it to the pig! I could say that guys aren't just that bright but it's more that they choose to look the other way and then want to complain...not to mention, lack of backbone!