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Savor the last moment together?

Clovergirl's picture

BF gave me that "I know you are not happy, I can't do this to you and I can't do this to myself" talk again. This time he's like it's not fair to you, to me and to my kids. So I asked him, "Are we saying goodbye?" He said, "We have to, I can't live two different lives. You can't even go to a trip with them because you can't be in the car with them for 6 hours." But then he's still holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me and cuddling with me while watching TV like we are still together. He even asked me to go out for a walk and ice-cream after the talk. So is he trying to savor the last moment we are together? I feel ridiculous but didn't say anything, didn't push him away. The funny thing is I didn't feel anything, no sadness, no tears, no sinking feelings and there is not even a knot in my heart. Am I in shock? I have no idea.

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

I don't think he's acting strange at all.

He's ending the relationship. But as long as you're willing to let him play ( hugs, kissing, walks, sex???....) with you, he will.

Listen to what he is telling you. Do not allow yourself to become his booty call.

simifan's picture

He keeps telling you what he wants; you don't want to believe him. He doesn't't have the balls to be a man and walk away so he keeps trying to put the idea in your head so you will leave and he is guilt free and the "victim" because you couldn't't deal with his kids.

Onefootout's picture

Oh, clover been there done that. It's called a preemptive strike. He's breaking up with you before you have a chance to break up with him. And he's leaving room for you to say, oh please don't I'll do what you want! it also could be a passive threat to get with the program or else.

My ex bf kicked me out of his house and then asked if we were still having sex or not. Men are conflicted because they know when they break up they risk losing free and convenient sex. So my bf tried to keep dating me after I moved out. He was 'nice' the entire time. He had this fantasy of me traveling for weeks in an RV with his 3 trash monsters and he knew I couldn't do that.

Try to get some physical distance from him asap so he has less chance to manipulate you.

But he had mixed feelings about starting over and having to work at a new relationship.

Onefootout's picture

I say my ex kicked me out, but he actually didn't he didn't have the balls. He said he was worried we were going down the wrong path and I was coming between him and his kids who were flunking out of school. I had to kick myself out. So I guess you could say I called his bluff. I could have stayed and tried to comply with his expectations. But I left.

Best thing I ever did, found someone better.

twoviewpoints's picture

It's possible he really does love you, but this is not working out. You know it yourself. How many times have you thought about walking out the door since you moved there? Part of it may be guilt that he knows you gave up your life to come be with him. It just is not turning out the way the two of you thought it would. Loving each other is just not enough.

You're miserable with his kids. He can't (or won't) parent his kids any different than he ever has. He's 'happy' with the way things are when his children are around. You're not. That's not to say he's 'right' in the way he parents, it just means this isn't going to work. The two of you have different parenting ideas and expectations of homelife. You've said when it's just the two of you, it's good. The kids come back, it turns bad again. He's not going to bail on his kids and he won't be trying to change anything with how it is when the kids come. Therefore, yeah, it's not fair to any of you to keep prolonging what isn't going to work.

It's just time to move on. It's not working and nothing is going to change, he's telling you that straight up. He likes his home and kids the way it is. He's setting you free to go seek the happiness you deserve. You're not crying and reacting all upset because you know you can't live in a home and be in a relationship the way this one is. Yeah, it's time to say good-bye.

Onefootout's picture

No, just did a brief scan of your previous blogs while I finish my coffee. Reread your blogs and you'll know what the next step is. I think this guy is strange. Not serious crazy just different.

Be ready for the 'I hate you don't leave me.' behavior. He's breaking up
With you but he may try to reconcile. He seems like the type who may do this.

Run girl. Not because of the kids but because of this guy. He is flaky and fickle and playing head games with you even after he broke up with you.

WarmBody's picture

It's not strange at all. He is sending mixed signals because he has mixed feelings. He loves you but realizes it won't make either of you happy. He believes in being kind and letting you down easy.

Your idea of how to raise kids and his are different. You believe kids should have rules and boundaries and manners and he thinks that's "mean" or forcing them to "walk on egg shells" and prefers a more rambunctious loud and chaotic lifestyle for his kids. It's not going to work unless you are on the same page on parenting. Even if your romantic beliefs are the same and you're totally compatible in every area but kids the kid thing IS make or break.

Enjoy the time you have left if it won't make it hurt worse for you at the end. If it will then kindly let him know and get the distance you need to grieve.