Honest Opinion please!?!?
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DH and I have agreed that he will make major decisions for SD14 - we have tried other ways; but this is BEST! SD asked me last night to sleep over - I replied, you know dad makes those calls - (she always tries to pull a fast one over on me - so I just don't buy her crap anymore) so........she asked DH when he got home an hour later; and then asked him for a ride - which of course he said No.
2 hours later my BD12 asks to sleep over somewhere and then askes ME for a ride. - I said yes. I didn't offer!
DH looks at me and say......."wow! you just made SD walk but you are giving BD a ride!"
I replied........"She didn't ask ME!"
What do you think??
I think it's looking for
I think it's looking for problems.
But that's just me. I figure it doesn't kill me.
And I'd be irritated if DH pulled that.
I think you're right. She
I think you're right. She didn't ask you. Still, you might have taken DH aside and let him know you'd be willing to do so, and see if he had some reason for not wanting to give her a ride. Just a thought.
This.
This.
duplicate post
duplicate post
I think you need to tell him
I think you need to tell him that he CHOSE not to pick her up. HE decides everything for sd that you do not! This is the facts.
You did not make SD walk he did and he needs to know that. Weather sd asked you or not is not the issue. The issue is that it is agreed upon that HE makes those decisions and he CHOSE not to pick her up and he CHOSE not to ask you.
It sounds like you and DH
It sounds like you and DH agreed that he deals with his daughter. So why didn't DH drive SD then? I mean if he is so worried about it. How did you MAKE SD do anything?
Hmmm interesting how he
Hmmm interesting how he turned it on you...not nice of him....clearly you both need to have a refresher as to what is suppose to go on or you are going to battle over this....JMHO
Z
Ya; that's what I thought
Ya; that's what I thought too! (he always turns it on me!)
He didn't take her - because he is lazy!
And I wasn't in the room when she asked - I thought she was walking just to walk - I guess I wasn't clear in my first post now that I read it again.
My point to him was........SD knows better! If she would have aksed me she knows damn well I would have said yes! It's just the fact that she is stubborn. A few months ago - her not asking me would have bugged me and I would have taken it on DH and we would have fought! Now......I just let it roll off my back..
Sounds like he just wanted it
Sounds like he just wanted it to be your fault. I'd leave it go, be prepared for the next time. Because there will be a next time.
SKids learn that you will say no. they learn to leave you alone.
If DH got mad at me for
If DH got mad at me for something like that, I would have simply stated that SD never asked me for a ride. However, I might reach out and ask if she wanted to be picked up when I picked up bio.
BD is his too and she would
BD is his too and she would ask a complete stranger to give her a ride......Just kidding - but the point being is that I have tried so hard with SD over these 2 years that we had her and I have stopped becuase of the things she has done to us! SD could have asked me - she needs to stop thinking she is the boss of my house.
Regardless of how anyone
Regardless of how anyone views SKids and bios there really should be the same sauce for the goose as the gander. Without a bio in the mix here I did not have that issue. I did disengage, though, to save my sanity! They tried playing us off against each other but with only one parent to deal with it was harder for them...fools...they really messed up there! I was the one who rode them places and agreed to be here when their friends came round. They began disrespecting me, being totally obnoxious teenagers and DH believed SKids and thought I was just being a B1T@h when I brought issues to his attention. SCREW THAT! I took counsel from a very wise lady and disengaging was hard at first but DH pretty quickly got clued in. Now he does 'tough love' with them since they are 'older now' but I can live with whatever justification he puts forward, as long as he is dealing with them appropriately now.
Love it!!
Love it!!
onmyway I don't think she set
onmyway I don't think she set her up. I think the issue is not that sd didn't ask her sm as much as it is that dh CHOSE not to pick up his dd and CHOSE not to ask his wife. This is all dh's CHOICES here not the sm's. He chose to make all choices concerning his child and he made his choice. The op made her choice with her dd.
Totally agree. Either the
Totally agree. Either the bio-parent wants to make the rules and choices for his kid or he doesn't. They don't get to have it both ways. He was free to either take her himself or arrange for someone else, like the OP, to do it. He did not. The fact is that the OP was more proactive when she was dealing with a child whom she is ALLOWED to make rules and choices for - and made him look bad - and he didn't like it. Bummer!
The point is SD knows that
The point is SD knows that when it comes to sleepovers and events that dad is the final answer.......because she has (many times)asked dad and he said no; then turned around asked me and I said yes! (I typically; if chores and such are done do say yes - I give rides to and from) which in turn caused DH and I to fight. I never said I was out of rides and such.......I said because of this DH is the final answer to SD when it comes to that kind of stuff. She knows damn well that if she asked for rides or whatever I say yes........always!! She knew that this would cause a fight between DH and I.
Onmy way that was what I was
Onmy way that was what I was trying to say to op when I said that he CHOSE not to ask his wife.
But I agree she should tell her dh that he CHOSE not to ask her and it is responsibility to do it not sd as it was agreed upon that he would make those decisions.
But I still don;t think she set sd up. I think it was just a wording issue on her part when she was talking to her dh.
I still say it was HIS
I still say it was HIS problem. They decided that HE would deal with HIS daughter. He just wanted to be pissy at her because his lazy butt didn't offer to drive his daughter.
Thank you! DH has
Thank you! DH has said......."I wonder when SD is going to realize I don't give rides and learn to ask you!" I have tried with SD for 2 years......I can't keep giving all the time; she needs to take a step forward as well. I am by no means a stepmonster; I am always open.
At some point the facts are
At some point the facts are facts, you aren't going to be close no matter what you do. I gave that one up about 6 months ago. Makes life easier to just know our relationship is what it is right now. We do our own thing sometimes we all do activities together. As long as you don't act like white trash in my house or while we are out, I'm good.
I 100% agree w/ this!! I wish
I 100% agree w/ this!! I wish DH would step "step-up" to the plate. He expects me to take her in and raise and treat her like my own; yet he doesn't expect her to treat me with any sort of respect. It is so hard
thank you all for opinions I REALLY appreciate all the diff point of views!!
- Love it!!