What is a wicked SM??
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I have heard that SM are mean and SK are the poor abused children...ya ya ya! But really; I don't hardly talk to SD14 - I don't ask her to do chores, I don't ask her to do anything. I basically mind my own business and take care of the house and my bios. I am not "rude" to her; if she talks I listen and reply. But I really just don't make the effort anymore and it is killing DH and I.(after 2 years of Hell - I am just done!) He hates that I just don't really care for her! It's hard.......but it's not like I am treating her bad? What do you think??
When I disengage, SO gets the
When I disengage, SO gets the same way. He hates it. I haven't figured out what bothers him except maybe he things it horrible that someone would ignore or not like his baby girl.
I see nothing wrong with it.
I sometimes feel like DH
I sometimes feel like DH tries to put a wedge between myself and BD - simply because SD doesn't have a BM around and I am not taking on the roll.......Is that bad to think like that?
When I am unsure of something
When I am unsure of something like this, I take a step back and really become an observer. I don't interact with anyone. I just sit back and watch and note everything.
If this is how you feel, you should try to sit back and see if this is the case through specific behaviors and things said.
I don't think its bad you think this.
That's what I find so ironic
That's what I find so ironic about my "relationship" with ss. I dont yell at him, I dont punish him, I dont make him do household chores. I've spent years assisting in providing for him. When he is in my home-he eats food I prepare-if his laundry makes it way into my laundry room I wash it. If he wants to speak with me and share pleasantries I am willing to do so. Yet, I am a wicked sm? At least my inlaws think so and my ss thinks so? I think sometimes dh thinks so. However, when I was SUPER involved and helped him with his homework, ferried him to his various practices, games, and visitation with his bm, took him to the dentist and dr., intiated multiple conversations with him everyday, hugged him, disciplined him, loved him, occassionally raised my voice at him I was also a wicked sm? Hmmmm. I guess it doesnt really matter what the heck I do. No wonder noone ever says "I want to be a stepmom when I grow up"
Look - I was tired of being
Look - I was tired of being the evil SM. SD lied and told everyone I was abusive to her. Small town it got back to me. That was it, she may not have lived here anymore, but I would no longer be her kick toy. So now when people ask about her and our family, I tell them the truth that she was the manipulative brat and I was the only one that saw through it. I use kindler, gentler words of course, but trust me they get it. She is the evil one here, not me. I make sure everyone sees how good I am to SS and that makes it even more obvious how much he loves me and our house. So it is very apparent who the real problem is.
Tired of being the Evil SM...No more...
Good way to put it! I guess I
Good way to put it! I guess I let my anger get the best of me. I try and sit back and just let it go.....but DH is so lazy that the house would catch fire! I just can't even stand to be near her; everything about her is fake!! DH is giving me a hard time because I am not giving her the "benefit of the doubt"........GIVE me a break - it has been two weeks and the ONLY reason she isn't doing anything bad is because she is on lock down! Goodness!!
I was a great stepmother.
I was a great stepmother. Honestly, I was awesome. Now, due to BM being jealous and the kids drinking the PAS Koolaid, they call me a wicked stepmother and I try hard to live up to their expectations.
I was a wicked SM victim
I was a wicked SM victim myself, so I think because of that I know what NOT to do! And part of my situation with my SM was the fact that she didn't even try to connect with me. She made me feel as tho I was a constant burden to her, and it seemed like the only time she talked to me was when she was ordering me around or jumping down my throat about something.
Seeing as how your SD is a teenager, I don't think you can expect her to like you much, but (and this is me reflecting on what I went through as a step daughter) I feel it is important to try and be involved at least a little bit. No need to throw yourself completely into her life, let her show some initiative as well. But show her you're interested, (Offering help with homework, asking her what her current interests are so you can be prepared for Christmas, maybe think of an activity you and her can do together one day), and at the very least, encourage her, just so she has the peace of mind that you have her support. My stepmom did nothing but badger me about my messy room and bad grades, it was pretty hurtful.
But as long as you're not ignoring her completely and acting as tho she's a burden to you, I wouldn't consider you to be an evil stepmother!