SD10 calling, texting, messaging constantly
My SD10 is driving me crazy. She calls me at WORK, texts me, sends me facebook messages. She also calls DH at work multiple times, DD12 cell phone multiply times, our house phone multiple times – all in a DAY. Yesterday she between my work, DH’s work, our cell phones and house phone she called – 16 times!!! And that does not include the texts and facebook messages. It’s crazy!!
A little background: SD lived with us over the summer. BM went to court and asked to have her this summer. Said she was just with me all summer because DH has to work so much and that I’m horrible, blah, blah, blah. But because she would have her more she needed more money (the WHOLE reason for the request). They made the change to the schedule for BM to have her all summer, but we get her more during the year. The reason they made the changes is because when the last visitation order was made we lived 2 hours away from each other, now we live in same town – so there is really no reason for SD to be away from either parent for extended periods. We wanted to have SD EOW during summer, BM did not want that (she knew there would be no way she could get more money that way).
So BM has SD this whole summer. Except Wed and EOWend. She did NOT get more money because our time did not decrease – just spread out over the year now.
BM arranged absolutely NOTHING for SD to do, no supervision, nothing! She sits home alone each day – occasionally her 21y/o half sib and her 2 y/o stopover in the afternoon and make her lunch.
I have tried and tried to explain to SD that the arrangement is different this year. That BM wanted to have her and the judge agreed to it. That we WANTED to have her and split the summer with BM, but she didn’t want to do that and the judge did not agree to it. I told her that we had to follow the new CO and let her know when she would be with us. I told her that BM told the judge she did not want her being left with me and said some pretty mean and hurtful things about me and because of that I would strictly be following the court order, because if we didn’t – even if BM agreed to not follow it – she could go into court and say we didn’t follow it and I could get in big trouble.
Of course now BM says she doesn’t have ANY problems with me watching SD and with SD being with us. So SD thinks that we don’t have to follow the order. I told SD that I can NOT just come over and get her – I can’t just take her on her mom’s time. I even told her, if your mom feels differently, then she needs to CALL ME and talk directly to me about this (she would NEVER do this, because then she would have to admit directly to me she is a big liar and doesn’t actually have a problem with me, just anything to try to get more money).
I truly feel bad for SD. It is not her fault her mom is the way she is. But I refuse to keep putting my head on the chopping block so to speak. I am sick of not only being taken advantage of by BM, but not being appreciated and the things I do for SD and in essence to help BM out, are not even recognized. Absolutely nothing I do is ever recognize or acknowledge, just when I can’t or won’t do something then that is jumped all over and I’m a horrible evil SM who needs to be kept away from SD.
DH absolutely HATES BM. They were never married and it was more of a “boy, I was sure drunk at that time of my life” kind of thing. He tries to NEVER talk to BM if he doesn’t have to. He has so much hostility and hatred for her. BM has said and done horrible nasty things and is solely money driven. She treats SD like some pawn in her game against DH.
I have two older girls DD12 and DD8 (from previous relationship) and they get along GREAT with SD and SD misses them and they miss her. I am so angry with BM for doing this to ALL of them this summer and she has absolutely no guilty about it what so ever. SD is bored out of her mind. I just try to keep telling her that she needs to talk to her mom about it. But it’s like in SD’s mind that BM is not responsible for anything – not the current circumstances, not for not arranging any supervision or activities, not for even driving her anywhere or buying her anything. She comes to us for everything.
I also have DD1 and DD6months with DH. So I have my hands full with my own kids. The only minor child BM has is SD10 and she can’t get it together and do anything for her?
Any suggestions on how to cut down the constant harassment (for lack of a a better word to describe it) from SD? I have three weeks of summer left, but I work at a University and our classes have started now and I just can’t be dealing with her, along with my own kids who I AM responsible for.
Basic behavior modificaiton,
Basic behavior modificaiton, all you can do is ignore the calls and messages. She will eventually get the hint. I'm sure it will increase at first, then it will stop. But you have to consistently ignore.
If you want to talk to her, then I would make it the same time of day each day (or however often you want).
My DH got SD12 a phone
My DH got SD12 a phone recently just bc my BD has one but she is 14 and stays after school for sports. SD12 plays NO sports, but anyhoo... she constantly txt and calls me and my BD14, we ignore her and she has almost stopped. Just don't answer or respond to txt and msgs.
Well I did just ignore them
Well I did just ignore them at first, but then SD would call DH and cry to him how I was ignoring her phone calls and messages. She has called MANY times over this summer in tears and crying becuase we were busy doing other things and wasn't able to answer her phone calls immediently. She will then call over and over and over again until someone picks up her phone calls. Like one night we were outside for 2 hours playing with the kids. She had called all the phone numbers she has to reach us at 22 times in 2 hours. When we finally were inside and heard her call, DH answered and SD was in tears she was so upset that we were off doing something. I know she is bored out of her mind and lonley at her BM's, but does she really think our lives have to stop too or that we have to be immediently available to her at all times? Of course this all makes DH feel very quilty and sorry for her.
Yeah, that would drive me
Yeah, that would drive me crazy! The non-stop calling and crying??? I'm sure she is bored, but there is things called a book, go read one! Watch TV, go outside, does she not have neighborhood kids she can play with a BM's house? Totally understand, my skids thinks its not fair that we do things when they are not there...we should wait for them to do everything.
I even took her to the
I even took her to the library and signed her up for the reading program and take her when we have her so she can get more books so she would read this summer. BM is so lazy, she has ONE kid and can’t get her ass up and do anything for her – not even take her to the FREE library to get some books. So I have to take all FIVE kids down just to encourage some reading in SD over the summer (she is a poor student, you would think BM could make some effort). I even called one night to see if SD could go (she had been texting me non-stop that she had finished her minutes and wanted to turn them in for her prizes) and BM said she couldn’t go with me that she would take her and then never did.
BM lives in income based housing so you would think there would be other kids around. From the impression I get though, SD doesn’t really care for the ones around there, seems they are mean and not watched very well. She did tell me one day she had played outside all day – she was pretty proud of it.
But yeah, it is a bit out of control with the amount of calling and the crying that goes along with it. But are we really supposed to just sit around and do nothing because BM has done nothing for SD. DH seems to think so. SD seems to think so and she seems to think we can just forget all about the court order and what her BM said about us and me, and so does BM. Just getting to be a long summer.
A 10 year old is being left
A 10 year old is being left home alone? WHAT?!?! Did I seriously just read that? :jawdrop: If that is the case then someone needs to report that cause in MOST states childern must be 13 years old to be left home alone unsupervised. If there was a fire, some childern that age would try and hide in the home from said fire instead of getting out of the house and calling 911. I see things like that on the news alot, its very sad
I more than likely misread something so please correct me if Im wrong
Umm, no you did not
Umm, no you did not understand. SD10 has been left home alone each day this summer - that was what BM decided would work the best. I did not agree, but I have no say and no choice in the matter. The previous 5 summers when SD lived with us, she was left in supervised care, taken to camp, vacation bible school, swimming lessons, etc. She was also with my DD12 and DD8 (not DH's, but my girls and SD get along fantastic). I am beyond upset that BM decided to pull this stuff and don't for the life of me understand how she thinks this is "in SD's best interests". I'm sure a judge thought it would be best for Sd to be with BM for the summer since she has spent so many with us and that since Bm wanted her that she would have things lined up for SD, but she has not done anything. In fact the only supervision and activity she has done all summer was when my SIL called BM and asked to have SD stay with her for a week.
I did look into it to see what age it is ok to leave a child home alone in our state and there is NO set age - it is solely left up to the parents discretion. A parent is responsible for making the decision based off what they feel their child is capable of and mature enough for and is responsible for leaving them with the information they know in order to be home alone and have access to any necessary help they may need. DH and I would not have a problem if BM had to leave SD home alone for a bit - say to run an errand and it happen occasionally, but we are NOT okay with her being home alone EVERY day for 8+ hours.
BM tries to blow it over that her 21y/o (SD's half sib) stops over to see her and she "really isn't alone that much". But we hear a much different story from SD and I find it hard to believe that she would be calling everyone SO much and on the computer SO much if she was in someone’s supervised care. I have come to find out that not only are DH, me and DD12 getting the constant phone calls, texts, and facebook messages, but my two SIL, and MIL, are also getting it. I have a feeling that others probably are as well because SD told me that she went over to an estranged friend of BM's the other day. I was a bit surprised because BM doesn't talk to this friend at all anymore. Typical BM style: she has a friend and is CONSTANTLY with them. If they have kids SD age, they become SD's new BF and SD is constantly with these new "friends" BM talks them into feeling bad for her and SD and they end up taking SD off BM's hands and including her in many things. Then friends will realize what BM is all about and what a liar she is and they end the friendship and don’t' talk to her anymore and then SD is also out the "friend". Anyway, this estranged friend does live in walking distance of BM still and I found out that SD contacted her and set up her own play date and went over and BM doesn't even know!!
This whole situation just seems out of control. I am beyond upset with it and how BM just HAD to have SD and then just leaves her to fend for herself when she could have been with us and left in supervised care and with her siblings and involved in stuff over the summer, but just on her own bored out of her mind. And all just to try to get more money out of DH. She is beyond pathetic.