my "night off"
Since the kids were old enough, they have got their own dinner on Friday nights so I can have a "night off". I cook every other night - now for 7 or 8 people. Dinner is over by at least 7.30 so I get time to unwind.
When SS22 & SS26 moved in I continued this - but their idea of tea was graze continually till up to 2 oclock in the morning sometimes. I told dh I was unhappy about this as we got NO privacy. He wasn't really phased but seemed to understand.
I began cooking extra so there is always frozen dinners ready to go for my "night off" and DH would ensure his boys had eaten by at least 8.
Recently he hasn't been summonsing them till later and later. Last night they decided to make pizza at 9.30.
I silently fumed - with a smile on my face - till they finished. DH asked what was wrong - then proceeded to tell me, because he already knew - that I was upset at the meal time.
All the younger kids were finished by 7.
This proceeded into an argument with him telling me "i don't like his Kids" etc.
By this stage we were eating dinner that DH had cooked. DH then called me a couple of choice names so I pushed my plate away. He literally leapt up grabbed my dinner and threw it in the bin.
The argument got worse so I went out for a walk. By the time I got back (10 min) he was in bed. GOOD.
Today has been crap - I can't stand to be near him. All because he doesn't respect my need for a bit of time out - especially from adult children.
Still fuming. Said to dh it's
Still fuming. Said to dh it's not fair that if I want kid free time in the evening I have to make sure dinner is served on the table or I can't have it.
Asked if he was going to apologize....what a joke. Apparently I now have " problems".
I'm also not tolerant.
My life was just starting to get easier with kids getting older. With the addition of two more adults(unemployed) to clean and cook for that were staying max six months - 10 months ago I'm doing more than I was when kids were little.
I'm falling behind on my f/t study due to constant interruption and I get NO privacy at any time of day.
I don't have a problem with the kids. They are obliging with most requests and respectful to me. My problem is dh lack of respect and ability to implement what is important to me.
Is it to much to want one damn night a week that I don't have too cook to get a bit of kid free time to spend with dh WITHOUT adult kids in and out grazing.
Tell dh he can either respect
Tell dh he can either respect your wishes or he can take over the cooking his damn self-along with the shopping. Though why are those adult kids living with you anyway? They are plenty old enough to be on their own.
Your husband is behaving
Your husband is behaving abusively towards you - this is the kind of emotional abuse I put up with for 10 years in my first marriage - name calling, the silent treatment, throwing dinners in the bin, leaving a room when I entered it, telling me I was behaving in a controlling way (so not true that even then I could see it was rubbish), making me feel guilty about seeing friends or having anyone round to my house.
It is not reasonable to expect you to play housekeeper to two grown adults. As other posts have said, at this age, it is bad enough that they are still living with you, let alone not contributing financially or practically to doing work around the house.
Your husband and SKIDS are living in their own peculiar little reality, and I don't mean this to sound harsh, but you are enabling them by going along with their unreasonable expectations.
DH apologized in a backhanded
DH apologized in a backhanded kind of way. Something like "I didn't see what the time was(crap) and You over reacted. It wouldn't have turned into an argument if we left it there". Well that worked NOT. I replied that it wouldn't have turned into an argument if he stuck to our agreement to start with and that I was now more upset at him screaming out that "I hate his kids" and the torrent of name calling that followed.
Really have been thinking about our situation and feeling stuck. I do like these kids(adults) but living with them was not part of the deal. It really depresses me that we are arguing over other adults that DH still views as "kids".
DH said to me yesterday "Are you going to get over it - you usually don't carry on this long" - carry on I assume means not wanting to talk to him or be near him so he can try to tell me how all this is my fault.
Today he cooked me breakfast and is being extra sucky.
Maybe tonight I might try to explain how damaging this is.
Time for you to go on strike.
Time for you to go on strike.
HOLY #$%^ that is abuse. He
HOLY #$%^ that is abuse. He needs another think coming. All the kowtowing needs to stop, and he needs a reality check - coming from you. I'm not saying to launch yourself like a battle axe. Quiet dignity is more powerful than anything you can do.
I am learning, and will be sharing a LOT - GUILTY DADS CANNOT BACK UP their wives. And they tend to get really righteous about telling you how you should be. You are entitled to your own life and personal time and you are not an indentured slave. Serve THAT on the table each and every night. Don't back down. If no one steps in to do all the meal-making, I doubt their selfish asses will starve.