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Kids paying board

gemma40's picture

Just about over dh projecting his disappointment at ss27 &ss22 onto my bd18.
Ss's are both unemployed, sleep till the afternoon then smoke pot and play computer games till the middle of the night. They eat loads and have long showers and run expensive heaters. Our last power bill doubled. Them being here was supposed to be temporary. Maybe a few months. It's nearly 11 now and neither is Planning on going anywhere. Both are behind on board.
Bd works, doesn't drink or smoke and is up with Her board. She has a learning disability and is nowhere near leaving home. She pays $10 less board than ss's
This morning she had been n the shower for 9 minutes - things are tight and we keep an eye, and dh went off saying her board should go up. I pointed out he never says anything to ss' 20min + showers.
Then he started about me always whinging about his "kids" to which I replied that they arnt kids shouldn't be here, and he never pulls them up on anything no matter how much it costs us or irritates us BOTH.
Things spiraled and now I'm sitting in my car at a stop fuming.
Him letting his kids use us up like this is killing our relationship. He is a guilty daddy and ss's are milking it for everything they can and he knows this but allows it. They are only with us because their bm had enough of the same behavior and sent them here.
Dh doesn't know how to deal with them and projects onto my bd.
I'm feeling dh would rather see me walk than deal with his kids.

irritatedgal's picture

If the kids are GROWN, the kids need to LEAVE!! Give them notice, draw a line in the sand, and make them leave. Change the locks if that is what it takes. If dh has a temper tantrum, he'll get over it. Knowitall-funny how your snark and judgemental comments come to an end when someone puts you in your place, hmmm? Wink

AVR1962's picture

Your husband is inabling his sons. After living with us and going thru 3 years of college, the oldest SS moved in with his mom. He had not lived with her since he was 4. He stopped working to continue his education and he did just as you have described of your SSs. We wouold not have pout up with it. I think she felt guilty because she had not raised him and he was coming back to mommy. I think she felt there was something she could provide by doing this but I think it was an emotional need on her part to be wanted and what tied it together is he had the need to be loved and accepted by the mom who had abandoned him as a child.

My thinking is that there is more to this than may meet the eye but noetheless your husband is allowing this behavior and is not teaching his sons the meaning of responsibility. They are having fun and as long as they don't have to change their ways they will not. Perhaps with your help, but your husband needs to sit with his sons an help guide the way forward so they can start supporting themselves and move on.