So.... Myself and dh went out for dinner to finally discuss the major pink elephants in the room. Number 1 on the agenda was sd4 who dh has not seen for two years because of crazy bm2. She has sent him some pretty crazy manipulative emails stating how sd4 has been crying every day for dh and asking for his number. She quickly followed this with an email the next day (dh had not responded yet because he wanted to speak to me first about things) saying she actually didn't want him to see sd4 and I quote "I told her I didn't hear back from you because you are living in another country and that's why she can't see you".

There were a couple of conclusions myself and dh have reached from this:

That she was manipulating and exaggerating sd4 need to see dh. Yes she probably did ask about him but we don't feel the extent to which the email implied was accurate of a 4 year old child. Why would she do this? For attention, control over dh (because he had not replied to other crazy emails from her in the past) and even though he has sent her extra cs to buy sd4 Xmas presents (as he does every year including birthdays) she is looking for extra presents this Xmas. Why we reached this conclusion is because last time dh saw sd4 she demanded more money from him to "make up for lost bdays and xmasses even though he has always sent extra money at these times (and in fact does any month we have anything extra to give which is most months).

Anyway we are staying in fil house until our house is renovated which will be start of feb. we have agreed to discuss visitation at this time.... Feeling very apprehensive about dealing with this woman and leaving her into our lives. Dh was very frank regarding the break down of their relationship and I had no idea how nasty she had actually played in court (I knew it was bad but didn't know exactly how bad).

Anyways I have been distant with hubby from the next morning onwards. Just felt angry at him for putting us in this situation although sd was born a year before we met. I also tackled the hand holding with ss11. Dh could not understand why I was annoyed and stated "if he wants to hold my hand when he's 15 I'll allow him to". Then after dinner ss11 rang him for a chat. At the end of the phone call he says "night babe love you" which is his nickname for me. Well I nearly lost it. Just turned over and went to sleep. All I could keep thinking is if he's this bad with ss11 what on earth will he be like with sd4. I already feel like our life revolves around ss11 for example I never get a weekend with just dh as ss11 is ALWAYS here at weekends and hubby usually works til 8 at night so by the time he's home fed and showered we only have about an hour together each night. I'm trying to be supportive of my hubby and haven't told him any of this so apologies for my long vent, I guess I just needed to get my feelings down and to have them heard. Feeling so depressed do not even want to get up today