Who's to blame?
My DH had to put my SD15 on the shot because every other month last year, she was calling telling us she thought she was pregnant. She wouldn't tell that to her BM, only my DH. In a way, I think she just wanted to hurt him because she knew telling him she was having sex was the worst thing in the world.
Anyway, she has been on the shot for about 4 months now. She has gained a significant amount of weight - like close to at least 25 lbs. And it is definitely noticeable. She asked DH to take her back to the doctor because she wanted to see if there was another option other than the shot because she's gaining so much weight. DH took her, but they only gave her the nuva ring. DH said 'I'm sorry, but I have a piece of mind when I know you will not be making me a grandfather before I reach 35. Therefore, you are staying on the shot.' Anyway, she is just miserable and cried and just blamed all the weight gain on DH. He now feels bad because his daughter is HUGE!
My suggestion to him was that he join a gym or ask her to go walking during the evenings. I was off one weekday last week and all she did was eat, eat, eat, eat, and sleep, sleep, and sleep during the day. We have the xBox Kinect and we ask if she wants to play and it's always NO. I take the boys on an afternoon walk almost everyday and ask if she wants to join us and she says NO. It's not like we are NOT trying to help her lose the weight. However, if you want to sit your lazy a$$ down on the sofa and eat and sleep all day during the summer, then you have no choice but gain weight.
Are we really to blame now?
You are not to blame. I would
You are not to blame. I would be concerned about the fact that this is not protecting her against STDs, which could be worse than an unwanted pregnancy. Could this be tackled in some kind of counseling?
ummm, no, you and your DH are
ummm, no, you and your DH are not at all to blame! tell her if she didn't have pregnancy scares every month and was responsible about her sexual activity then she wouldn't be in this position in the first place. secondly, it is now because of her actions that her father is forced as a parent to put her on the shot so she does not end up in a worse situation then she is already in as an irresponsible teenager by getting pregnant. and lastly, if she is gaining weight because of the shot then she needs to get her ass of the couch and exercise or eat less- it is not rocket science.
and i would tell her when she turns 18 she can make her own choices about birth control but until then you are not going to be financially responsible for her offspring- no matter how fat she gets.
We've told her that. We let
We've told her that. We let her know that her actions are the reasons she's on the shot. I had just turned 31 when we put her on it because of her constant scares. What do I look like being a step-grandmother at that age? How horrible would that have been?
She tells us 'it's all about us', 'it's what "WE" want to do'. No, it's because of what YOU did. DH and I were talking about it the other day and he made the comment - "My poor child - just lost - she doesn't know what to do in this world - and I feel so bad for her because she was literally crying her eyes out to the OBGYN about the shot and the side effects of weight gain." But he doesn't want to say - SD - get up, let's go work out. Let's eat salad this week." I know it's a touchy sensitive thing to talk to ANY FEMALE about their weight. But this is his DAUGHTER! I honestly think SD15 is going to convince DH that she needs to get off the shot come this next time around.
A guilty dad isn't going to
A guilty dad isn't going to do it. My SO won't talk to SD15 about her weight either. Hers is just lack of exercise and fast food. She's lazy and eats too much. He won't talk to her about it though. Too offensive I guess to tell her she's overweight and that she is responsible for it.
Her BM doesn't have a problem with it. She's tried to get her to walk and tells her, you are overweight you need to do something about it. Awe poor SD her mom called her fat. That's horrible.
That's the only response BM gets to trying.
"and i would tell her when
"and i would tell her when she turns 18 she can make her own choices about birth control but until then you are not going to be financially responsible for her offspring- no matter how fat she gets."
hahahahahahhahhahahaha that made my night!!!
She's in counseling. She
She's in counseling. She goes every Tuesday and Friday. They talk to her about STDs. We've talked to her about STDs. To be totally honest, I actually spray the toilet seat after she uses it - ALL THE TIME! I will not let my boys drink after her or eat after her.
What I think is happening now is that boys don't want to talk to her anymore because she's Fat. And I think they talk about her. She use to be the 'Facebook slut' (what I call little girls who always have a boy 'friend' talking about they want to have sex with her on her page). She locked her page, so I am not sure if they are still doing that or not. But everyone has noticed that she has gotten way bigger over the past few months.
I honestly think that the counseling isn't working.
'The boys' = the school boys
'The boys' = the school boys - not my BSs...
She should have NO facebook
She should have NO facebook page.
Not at all...it plainly lists
Not at all...it plainly lists on all birthcontrol products that weight gain is a side effect, it is just seen more so in the shot, IUD's, & implants. SD is old enough where she can hear the truth...she needs to watch what she eats & exercise if she wants to loose weight...tell her it'd be more weight if she got knocked up.
tell her when she turns 18
tell her when she turns 18 you'll pay for her iud. then she can lose the weight.
they do implants and iuds but I think she has to be either 16 or 18. I got very depressed and sick from the shot, not everyone can handle the hormones.
sucks for her, but she can't be responsible so...
id be careful though. if she thinks she can't get pregnant she may stop using condoms and catch an std.
We did check on the age limit
We did check on the age limit for an IUD and it is 17. So, that's not an option. With her last scare of pregnancy, I actually took her to the store, purchased a 12 pack of condoms for her, and told her if she needed more, let me know. She was trying to be funny and mean of couse, and said, well, I guess these 12 condoms will last 12 days. I was like, whatever SD15. That was like 4-5 months ago.
I must say that she has toned down a lot though. And I think it's because the school boys don't want to be seen with her. I mean, honestly, she was what my grandmother would call 'fass ass girl'. She was constantly wanting to be in a relationship with boys. Always talking about boys, boys consumed her life. Now, it's ugh. She had that confidence that she was just BEAUTIFUL - and now it's gone. Her personality has totally changed. She is also on anti-depressants, which really makes her down. Not sure what to do about the whole situation. Just sad.
This is really heartbreaking.
This is really heartbreaking. That her confidence hinged on her looks is not uncommon but sad. I reiterate that STD's are not addressed by any pill and that if she cannot be talked sense into her about that, pregnancy is not the worst that could happen to her. Maybe let her know that her health is even more important to you guys than a pregnancy. Pregnancies don't have to be forever, or even for nine months....but some STDs are forever. Being a young grandparent is not desirable; having a baby at her age/ state is worse, but getting a disease that can eventually kill you, is beyond the rest of the problems. My heart goes out to you. Try and focus on her health and her need to take care of that.
you could also ask her how
you could also ask her how thin she will be if she does get pregnant. lol
Unfortunately, boys like
Unfortunately, boys like anything with a hole. Not sure this is true
You are absolutely right!
You are absolutely right! They could careless about who they are screwing - especially dudes that are low down and just nasty. They will screw SD15 and tell everyone they didn't 'hit' that. We just can't get it through to her that little boys are like that - teenage boys are like that as well.
Hell, there are plenty of
Hell, there are plenty of grown men like that as well. Hit it and quit it or one and done.
You mentioned that she is
You mentioned that she is antidepressants - they can cause weight gain as well. The combination of the 2 meeds may be really doing a whammy on her. HOWEVER, she caused the situation herself by being sexually active at 15 and intentionally freaking our her father with pregnancy scares. What could you possibly have done other than get her on reliable birth control that does not require her to actually DO anything other than show up for the shot every 4 months? If she refuses to change her eating habits then she is choosing to be fat - period.
And I see nothing wrong with telling her all of that the next time she whines or if she tries to refuse the shot. She brought it on herself.