Supporting Skids
Does anyone else out there support there SKIDS? I mean alone. My wife does not work and the fathers are well you know. She told me everything oh I will work this that and the other thing. Three years later she has not done anything. Oh sorry she cleaned the house a total of two times. I love her but I am getting very sick of not being able to do anything or even by a pair of shoes for myself. I tried talking to her but it is one excuse after another then idiot me feels bad. The Skids were with there Grandmother this past fathers day. Think I even got a call? My friend who doesn't even have kids was the only person to say Happy fathers day. Please help. Words of advice or hard truth. I don't want to leave her but the Skids are only eight and five so I have a long road of this. Please help I am lost.
You are in a tough situation,
You are in a tough situation, since you married her you took on the responsibility of being a parent, however you are not financially responsible for her children. Is there anyway you guys can get child support from her ex? If I were you I would just be completely honest with her and let her know how you are feeling. I don't think it's fair that you carry the burden and not reap any of the benefits, and while that may not sound right, it is what it is. I think as step parents we take on so much responsibility and so much financially but yet we don't have a say in anything or very little rights. I think if you are doing something for the kids, do it out of the kindness of your heart and don't expect anything in return. They are kids, they don't know any better.
My Fiance's ex is trying to get child support based off of my income because I make triple what she makes and I make double what my fiance makes so she wants to have our combined income be a part of the support, haha, this is the part where I'm glad as a step parent I have no financial obligation. I certainly would not agree to financially supporting them, they are not my children and it's not my responsibility either way you look at it.
If you think it's only going to get worse you have two options, talk to her about it very honestly or walk away and move on.
Be careful with that...our BM
Be careful with that...our BM tried the same thing. They were able to see our combined income on our tax return and if it went to the judge he could consider it. In mediation it couldn't be since they use the calculator, but judges can do what they want. Thankfully my business wasn't making any money last year so she would have owed us...Our plan next year is to file separately so that she can't see my income.
Agree with above. Why
Agree with above. Why doesn't she work? It is her kid and not yours. They are not your responsibility to take care of or support. CS should be pursued at the very least. I don't understand women that do not work to support their children.
I agree with all of the
I agree with all of the above. They are HER children, and her responsiblity. This is not being selfish because if something happens to you, how is she going to support her children?? She needs to at least work part-time. It's time for you to start getting a little selfish and hold her accountable. At the very LEAST she should be seeking child support from the biodad. You are not wrong at all for thinking of walking away. You need to have a SERIOUS talk with her. Do not accept any of her excuses.
What did you guys agree upon
What did you guys agree upon when you discussed finances prior to marrying? Did you agree that she would work? Was she working when you married her?
^^^This. I would sit her down
^^^This. I would sit her down and remind her of what you guys agreed to initially, and let her know that this is something that you take seriously, and that it's potentially a dealbreaker.
Living up to what you promise your spouse is important. Bear with me for a second. This may seem like a small thing. "She agreed to work, and now she isn't, and not for any real good reason, either. She just isn't doing it." Okay, fair enough. What if you decide that some of the things you agreed to are no longer obligations you feel like living up to. Maybe you decide to stop being monogamous. Maybe you stop depositing your check into the family account and paying her half of the bills. Maybe you quit your job. Sounds ridiculous, huh? But no worse than the bait and switch she's pulled on you.
It maybe time to re-asses.
It maybe time to re-asses. These are not your children and no matter how much you love her.It doesn't sound like she is overly ambitious about the house or her carrer.
Maybe it is time to step back and let her take responsibility for her children.
Good luck, it sounds like you are a very loving/giving person. She is very fortunate.
Remember it is your job to take care of yourself too!