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Just sad

newsm2011's picture

Submitted by newsm2011 on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 7:20am

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So my husband comes home last night pissed off at his ex wife as ususal. And as ususal I have to put up with the attitude. So he is angry becasue Ex-wife is spanking the kids, hitting them, taking out her anger on them ( which I have been telling him to report since we have proof). She is getting worse and worse by the day. Well he decided after he dropped my step children off he would talk to her and tell her to stop(which never works). In return he of course gets cussed out and called names. So he gets home and is throwing things around and yelling. I let him have his moment, but tell him to continue to document, take pictures, record the children telling him this, be rational, and we will report this, and to stop calling her for all of this stuff. Because it's pointless she won't listen. We will have to go through the courts...then I get the you wouldn't know...you're not a real mother ( I'm pregnant with our first together, and ,my first child) ...how could you sit back and just let your children be abused...I've been picked on too much and I'm sick and tired and not going to let this happen to them....... FOR REAL....now I'm letting it happen...FOR REAl...What would you all do? AS ususal our house is all a buzz again about ex-wife and children....will she ever not be the topic at dinner...I feel like I'm the other woman and we're married ...what should I do? I want the children safe as well, but I want to make sure if we do take legal action its done properly, and the children won't have to be dragged back and forth and it will be done the right way.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 8:53am

If you feel there is serious abuse going on, I think it is your duty to report it to the social services, if your husband is unwilling to do it himself. (in the UK anyone aware of such has a legal duty to do so). If it is serious abuse, and one of them got really hurt, and you had done nothing to try and put a stop to it, how would you feel?
Your husband should really be the one to do it, but it sounds as if he is unwilling. I would say to him that the time has come for action, and you would like him to act, but if he won't - you will report it.

smiles gone's picture

Submitted by smiles gone on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 9:11am

I know its very difficult, but u can call SRS annonymously. I really would consider this. You cant take to long, if she is that angry, she may do more than hit them.... remember no matter who the child is, adults are supposed protect those children. If your husband neglects to do anything and then decides to, he is knowingly outing those kids in danger, may not work out for either party... Please try to take care of the kids as they are helpless...

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 9:27am

I've had those arguments with H. SO just gets frustrated and wants someone to listen not tell him what he should do. I think all your advice is absolutely right but he didn't want to hear it in the moment.

If he is going to deal with this continually he is going to have to figure out how to stop taking it out on you. It is so pathetic to watch, isn't it??

newsm2011's picture

Submitted by newsm2011 on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 10:40am

Thanks everyone. I actually made a call to social services this morning. I a, prayerful they will follow-up and do something about this mess. And my husband needs to get with the program. I just want everyone to be safe and happy. Sigh...Thanks everyone.

newsm2011's picture

Submitted by newsm2011 on Thu, 05/12/2011 - 2:19pm

I told him I called and although he is a little frightened he knows this is for he best. We have to protect them, and get them back in our home..a safe home full time. Don't get me wrong they need their mother, but a good mother one that is not physically and emotionally abusing them.

Roseybird's picture

Submitted by Roseybird on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 8:15am

My DH had a problem with his BM beating his child as well. SD15 use to tell DH that her mother would hit her and say things like 'I hate you because you look just like DH'. Crazy wild, but that's what she did. SD was about 5-6 when she started telling DH. My DH started confronting BM and SD stopped telling him that. I think it was because BM told her if she said something, she would really beat her. Nevertheless, she absolutely LOVED her mother!

Now at 15, SD blames DH for 'leaving her with that crazy woman and letting her beat her all the time'. At that time, the courts wouldn't give custody to him, so he only had her every weekend. I guess to make a long story short - SD15 is really f'ed up. She has mental issues, has been instutionalized, has done some really crappy things to me, DH, and her mother. She's a heartless, evil, manipulative, child. Now all of this can't be blamed on the actions of her mother, IMO. I also feel that DH and his family over-compensated with love and lacked disciplining SD throughout the years and that's why she does most of the things she does now. However, I do think the beatings affected her.

Not sure what else to tell you, but I hope things work out for you. GOD bless.