Help me figure out how I should feel please! So confused
OK bio-mom has custody of SD4, my DH didn't even have a chance to sign her birth certificate. The stupid bitch had her other baby daddy sign. We really don't know if DH is even this child's father. He has a big heart (half of me loves him for this, the other half hates him for the extra burden to our already large and cash strapped family.) He has ZERO (yep that's right, ZERO rights to this child. The child has lived with us on and off for the last 2 years more on in the last 8 months and while I don't dislike this child, she is VERY needy, very annoying and has tried to push my patience to the FULLEST extent. She learned manipulation for her CRAZY mother and tries her hardest to "get under everyone's skin" She has a pip squeak voice that I used to adore, now, not so much because she doesn't even take a breath in between words, and never EVER shut's up! However, I have major pity for this child because of who her mother/family is. If we as a family are out of her life, she will end up a LOSER, there's no doubt, she won't have a shot a decent.
So anyways, today the stupid bitch of a mother informs us today that she has lost her place to stay but is taking SD4 to a homeless shelter to live. Why? Well SD10 listed me as her mother on her PRIVATE facebook that we set up for the kids to play games on. So she's going to uproot this poor child yet again.
Here comes the confusing part, and I really do feel bad but a part of me is excited that SD4 will be going. When all of our older children started school, I enrolled in college and thought that the days would be mine to study and do things for me, FINALLY. Then she moved in that changed, she moved out and that changed again, and then again. Half of me wants to be a free soul from 8am- 2:30 pm to do as I please. Then.. there's the ugly side, I don't want this poor child staying in a homeless shelter.
Help. Please tell me I am not wrong for thinking about being me again, I feel like a MONSTER right now! Some body needs to take this stupid woman out in a dark alley and take her out. To bad I have morals and fear prison.
My heart aches for your SDs
My heart aches for your SDs
What a pathetic person BM is. Has a DNA test ever been done on SD4? Your DH should look into getting one done.
DH has not had the DNA for 2
DH has not had the DNA for 2 reasons, one even if he has it done her birth certificate will not be changed, because they lived in another state for the first 2 and a half years and BMs husband was officially daddy, the 2nd reason is he fears that she really isn't his and he says it would devastate him, which I completely understand, but what about me?
I feel so bad, thinking me me me when there is a poor little innocent child involved, I have never been this way, I took custody of my niece and nephew in when their mom (my sister) was on drugs so they wouldn't go to the state, I had my daughters friends (3 of them at different times) practically living with us all before my DH and I got married. It's not that I don't love kids, I just have NEVER had the chance to love me!
This poor child has nobody in her life other then us. A heroin addict GM, a crack addict grandpa and a any kind of drug she can her hands on BM who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar and Major Depressive Disorder. I really wanted to be her hero along with DH, it's just not working out that way.
Oh and yes, we spent $800.00 that we didn't have on a lawyer to try to fight BM to get any rights for DH and that will not happen unless BM signs papers giving him custody, and at one point, she was prepared to do that. They went to the court, got the paperwork and and last minute she changed her mind, told DH she would kill herself if she gave custody up, this is her 4th child and she only has custody of this one. We have (no, no, no, he NOT we) has custody of 2 and the other boys great grandparents (that's right, people in their 70's) has custody of him. Sad huh? Good lord, I CANNOT believe that I am involved in such a heartbreaking mess. I just resolved yesterday to disengage from all of them, to save myself. But, how does anyone with a heart disengage from something so bad?
There is nothing wrong with
There is nothing wrong with having good aspirations for yourself. You should not feel wrong about having your own needs, hopes, and plans. You are NO less important than anyone else in the situation. Of course you feel bad that the situation is as it is, but you have not caused it as far as I can see. It looks like the bm has ownership of the cause.
For whatever reason, God put
For whatever reason, God put this child in your life. It doesn't mean you have to take her, but if you can help her and get the opportunity then she benefits.
I know how frustrating all these skids are, I have a bratty stepdaughter too. I took her full time when BM kicked her out of the house Sr. year of high school. She was mouthy, difficult, problematic, challenging, whiny, and unintelligent. But if I didn't love her...who would have? I met her when she was 11 and now she is 21 and considers me mom. It cost me my comfort and my tested my patience to no end, but she's a better person for it...and I did that for her.
I have 4 of my own (dd19, dd18, ds12, ds9) and this was inconvenient and messy. No one could understand why I would take her and never desert her. I just couldn't do it. Her 2 brothers hated her because she was adopted from their uncle who died of aids. Her mother left her with the daddy and ran off with a carvinal worker and CPS took all the kids from him when accusations of sex abuse by a friend were reported. Anyway dh adopted the 1 girl out of the 3 that were taken, so I have to deal with slutty birth mom and adoptive aunt from frikin hell. They were both druggies back then, and I wonder how the hell did I get involved in such a bizarre situation.
If you can't help the kid, you can't, but you can go to the shelter and provide the option. If you can, good, if you can't then you have to accept it.